'AITA for taking a taxi home from my boyfriend’s parents house at 3AM?' UPDATED

"AITA for taking a taxi home from my boyfriend’s parents house at 3AM?"

I (28F) and my boyfriend (28) both stayed at his parents house last Friday, as we were going to BFs mates house for a get together type thing and it saved us from getting a taxi home on a Friday night (ha).

I had worries beforehand, as my boyfriend doesn’t do well with hard spirits but his friends ARE hard spirit drinkers. We argue every time he had, he turns very nasty and he knows it so he did stop drinking it! We got to the friend's house, it was all fine and nice but very soon he joined them on drinking spirits so I stopped drinking myself.

It was late when we left (around 2am), he was plastered but was only about a 10 minute walk back to his dad's. We were chatting, and I can’t fully remember exactly how it started but he said “you’re so much prettier with make up on” and laughed - it took me by surprise and didn’t say a lot the rest of the way back.

We spoke to his dad and step mum for a few minutes when we got in, then went upstairs and just got ready for bed. I thought more about what he said, as I worry about that type of thing quite a lot and what he thinks of me, so I - extremely stupidly - asked him if he meant it.

All hell broke loose, he started shouting and swearing and saying I was “f--%$g stupid” for asking, and why would I say that he said that etc, started bringing up issues from past things that weren’t relevant at all and tensions just rose.

I argued back a bit and remembered where we were so I shut up, but he continued I said to keep his voice down and pointed at the floor; his parents no doubt wondering wtf was going on. I got dressed and went for a cigarette, where they asked me if everything was okay and I apologised endlessly, saying it was just a misunderstanding.

When I went back up, he started on me again and I was just so mortified and upset at this point, I said I was going to go home and we could hopefully talk about it when he came back later. He was still swearing as I gathered my stuff, he told me to f--k off as I was leaving so I told him too as well and left.

I explained to his parents that I was going to get a taxi, they apologised they couldn’t give me a lift as they’d had a few drinks also and I said I’d left them know when I got home. He was messaging and trying to call me the whole way home (and after), saying that he was ‘done’, we weren’t ever going to work, I’ve ruined it etc until eventually it stopped.

We didn't talk until he came back Saturday evening, where we just argued again as he kept saying I was so rude for leaving, that they offered for us to stay there and I was out of order. I did/do feel bad for leaving like that but I’d like to think they’d understand why I did.

I spoke to his step mum Saturday afternoon and they were just mainly concerned about me. AITA for leaving at near enough 3am? Was it rude? And should I have not bothered asking in the first place I understand people say stuff they don't mean when d$*^k, but on the other hand…sober thoughts.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Optimal-Plankton-625 wrote:

NTA. Your boyfriend is a horrible d^%$k, knows he is a horrible d^#$k, and still drinks. Which means he doesn’t care that he is a horrible d*^&k. But apparently the entire situation was your fault? You were the out-of-order, rude one? No. He’s full of s--t.

Even his parents know he was the one being an AH, that’s why they checked with you that night and again on Saturday afternoon. Don’t let him blame you for his faults. Don’t take the blame for himself being an a--hat. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, you didn’t do anything wrong. DTMF.

Annual_Version6250 wrote:

NTA. I REALLY REALLY doubt the parents thought you were rude for leaving. IF they do then that's a separate issue. BUT you need to be done with this guy. He KNOWS he's nasty on spirits, does it anyway, then you're the problem. He had shown you EXACTLY who he is. Listen.

IamIrene wrote:

"Was it rude?"

Was you leaving rude? This is what you're concerned with? How about this: Was it rude of him to launch into a full scale verbal assault on you when you asked a simple, clarifying question?

NTA for leaving your enraged, alcohol fueled AH of a bf in the middle of the night. Question is, will that be enough for you to leave him for good?

Don't allow yourself to be treated this poorly. You know it will happen again. :\

OP responded:

I think in my mind I know it’s made long lasting damage, just never easy I guess.

Gregshead wrote:

Rude would have been continuing to argue at their house. Rude would've been storming it without a word to them. No, you weren't rude at all. He's showing a lot of red flags - drinking liquor knowing he can't handle liquor, criticizing you while he's d#$%k, arguing with you while he's d#$#k, escalating that argument while he's dr*#k, and continuing that argument the next day when he's sober.

You could have made better choices, too. Knowing he was dr*nk (and can't handle his liquor), you could've waited until he was sober to continue the conversation about what he said about your looks. This is in no way condoning what he said or how he reacted to you bringing it up. That's 100% on him. I'm just saying you could've waited until he was sober to have that conversation.

Later OP came back and updated the post in the comments:

Hello all,. First, I’d like to say thank you for those that gave me your supportive words and - more importantly - the reality check that I’ve clearly needed. I sincerely appreciate all of you and have read each and every comment.

I’ve told my mum everything that happened and she’s said the exact same thing all of you did - but sometimes it doesn’t resonate from those closest, sometimes you need to hear it from complete strangers. I think I’ve always been quite big on ‘rose tinted glasses’ and even after all this time, I’m still trying to wear them but I can promise you, they’ve been coming off more and more lately.

We haven’t seen each other since Monday morning, due to our work schedules and have only spoken a handful of times about mundane things (not unusual to not talk much during work time), but I did really want to talk about what happened in person for my own peace of mind more than trying to ‘fix’ it

Also I do appreciate those that said I shouldn’t have brought it up at that time - in hindsight, it was stupid to do so as I could have and should have expected what would happen. I was just beginning to spiral in the silence and it blurted out, I know it would have just eaten away at me all night if I hadn’t have said anything.

I’ve had before “you should have said at the time, why bring it up a day later” so I can assure that this would have probably gone this way, regardless of when I asked. If anything, may have been better as someone else was in the house.

Thank you all again, I’ve really been thinking about it all week and even more so now, especially seeing as we haven’t seen each other since, and I know in my heart of hearts what needs to happen.

Alexa, play Meant To Be by bbno$, Thank you x