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'AITA for telling my ex that it’s not my responsibility to help her?' MAJORLY UPDATED

'AITA for telling my ex that it’s not my responsibility to help her?' MAJORLY UPDATED


Co-parenting with an ex is tricky no matter what, but it's extra complicated when your relationship was full-on volatile.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his ex he refuses to help support her new kids. He wrote:

"AITA for telling my ex that it’s not my responsibility to help her?"

I (31M) have a set of twins, Violet (16F) and Onyx (16M) with my ex Trisha 31 F. We were the definition of trailer trash. We were addicted to hard substances and dropped out of high school. Her parents had 8 kids in a 4 bedroom trailer so we couldn’t live with them so we lived with my mom. There was DV on both ends but because I was 6’5 I was always the problem.

Two years after our kids was born Trisha called the c*ps on me when we were h*gh and drunk. They found hard substances on me and I got locked up for 6 years. Trisha moved on immediately with a guy from the trailer park. Her boyfriend didn’t want the twins with them so they stayed with my mom. I’m so glad she wasn’t vindictive and brought the kids to see me every Friday.

During my time in prison I got clean for my kids and also got my GED and associates degree. I read a lot of science books and fell in love with physics. So once I got out my mom helped me out while I finished my bachelors in mechanical engineering. I moved my mom and kids out the trailer park into a nice house in the suburbs once I had a decent job.

My ex took the kids one weekend a month, even though her now husband still didn’t like my kids. Fast forward to now I bought my kids cars. My son took his when he visited his mother. The next day my ex called me demanding I help with her kids. She explained that they’re struggling and her husband’s oldest daughter is now complaining about not having a car.

I told her she is not my responsibility and neither are her kids. She said that she’ll cut my kids off if I don’t give her what she wants. I explained that I don’t care and she’ll be better out of our lives. Later my kids told me about a text they got from their step sister saying they’re being horrible siblings.

Their mom then sent them a text asking if they could sell the cars when they said no she flipped out saying she’s going no contact and that she didn’t raise them to be greedy brats. My son sent laughing emojis while my daughter sent “raise???” She texted me some more junk saying if they starve to death it’s my fault. My ex is a horrible person but her kids didn’t do anything. Should I give them some money?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Pretty_Little_Mind wrote:

No. Fuck no. Good on you for turning your life around . Your mom and kids must be so proud!! NTA.

Broad-Discipline2360 wrote:

NTA However much money you give your ex it will never be enough. Let the trash take itself out. Stay away from her and her other kids

Glass_Ear_8049 wrote:

No don’t give them money. They will just want more and more. Concentrate on your kids and consider it a blessing if their mom stays away.

sheissonotso wrote:

NTA and you need to make sure you give all this to your lawyer in case she tries to pull some bulls#$t. Though I doubt any judge with half a brain would ever give her primary custody at this point. Don’t give your trashy ex any of your hard earned money. Awesome job on turning your life around for yourself and your kids!

okileggs1992 wrote:

NTA, she doesn't sound like she has changed much while you chose to better yourself while in prison. You have your children living with you and your mom, you were never married and she moved on. What she is doing is textbook guilt and manipulation to get something she thinks she is entitled to from you and that's money.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

So at first I didn’t get any law enforcement involved because of my background but some stuff happened that I had to put aside my feelings. My ex relied on my son to take her kids to practice and pick them up. He used to walk them to the school and I would pick him up afterwards. He didn’t mind because he liked hanging with his siblings. He started using his car once I got it for him.

The next time he took them to practice, he talked with his mom inside her house for a while. I guess she apologized and explained that they were having a rough time financially. They forgave each other and hugged it out. But when my son returned outside, his car was egged, scratched up and a window was busted. When he called me I could hear the hurt in his voice.

His mom tried to explain how she had nothing to do with it. But I didn’t believe her. I bought him a dash cam and it showed the stepsister vandalizing the car. My ex and her husband begged me not to press charges and I guess they told her not to come home for the time being. I called the p*lice and they said because of the damage she could face a couple of years in jail.

They told me they’ll keep a lookout for her. I immediately took it to a mechanic where it was $1000 worth of damage. I paid and it’s going to take about a week to fix. I was shocked when my ex texted me at 4 this morning saying that she reported her stepdaughter when she got home and the p*lice took her.

Her husband doesn’t know it was her and just suspect that they were stalking the house. I’m shocked she did that, but I’m glad. I assume they’re going to contact me later.

The internet was fully invested.

winterworld561 wrote:

The husband needs to reimburse you for the damage his daughter caused to the car.

Random-CPA wrote:

Honestly, depending on who OP has for insurance, OP should submit a claim to his car insurance. If it’s a halfway decent company it won’t affect his rates and they have armies of lawyers that live for this. This is assuming he doesn’t have one of the super cheap/cut rate insurance companies that try to find any excuse to not pay out on claims.

Awkward-Pay-7620 wrote:

Now you know you're def NTA. As for stepdaughter, press charges, do not falter. Imagine if the genders were reversed and it was the ex's stepson who destroyed your daughter's car? Everyone would be advocating for him to be in jail as that's abusive behavior, and falls under the category of domestic violence. Also, your ex sent you to jail for SIX years.

You were able to make something of yourself and bettered yourself for your kids, all she did was spread her legs for the next guy and then dropped your kids off with your mom. Nah bro, you take care of business and only your kids. Her mistakes are not your problem.

And she's trying to gaslight and manipulate your son by talking to him about grown people's money problems. She's parentifying your kids to take care of her baby daddy's kids. Nope.

gobsmacked247 wrote:

Do not believe the ex that the cops took the daughter. Find out for sure and if it’s a lie, make it a truth. After that, stop conversing with the crazy lady. Your kids are near adults and you don’t need to have a conversation with her about the kids. She just steals the joy from the room so stop letting her.

Better-Turnover2783 wrote:

Why does it sound sooo convenient that your son was inside talking while the car was being vandalized? Was Ex stalling, distracting him while stepdaughter went at it? Ex already made all kinds of threats herself. Still can't believe she sent messages to her own children to sell their cars to give her money to "support" her, who does that? Keep your guard up and tell your kids too also.

It definitely seems like OP's desire to stay away from his ex was deeply founded.

Sources: Reddit
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