'AITA for telling my friend his GF is disgusting because of her behavior at a party?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my best friend his gf is disgusting?"

Here's the original post:

I (22f) have been friends with Danny (22m) since high school and he recently moved in with his current gf Lucy (22f). They had a housewarming party on Friday and Lucy spent most of the night dancing with her own friends who are very like her (excitable extroverted e.g) and dragging Danny away from his conversations with us (his friends) to dance even though he's more like us (introverted not party animals)

Later Danny was being quiet so I asked if he was okay and he said just tired, but he just kept watching Lucy dancing and then said something in her ear the next time she came over and she just shook her head and laughed at him.

After she went back to her friends I asked if it was bothering him how she was behaving and he asked me to explain. I mentioned the attention seeking dancing and the fact she was wearing something really revealing even though other guys were at this party. Danny said it didn't bother him then sat with a moody face.

At the end of the night Lucy sat down with us and started chatting non stop about how amazing the party had been. I pointed out jokingly Danny obviously wasn't enjoying himself since he looked miserable, and Danny told her I was worried he was jealous because of her outfit.

Lucy ruffled his hair (which he hates) and said he was quiet because he loved her outfit so much he couldn't wait for us all to leave so he could "drag" her to bed. I thought that was completely inappropriate and said to Danny in that case I'd leave if she was just going to be disgusting and Lucy just laughed at me so I did leave.

Today Danny has messaged me saying Lucy wants an apology before I'm allowed back at their home but when I asked if Lucy will apologize for making me uncomfortable he said no she doesn't have anything to be sorry about. I was genuinely only worried about my friend but admit I could have just left without calling her disgusting so AITA?

ETA - to clarify I didn't say the comment about her clothes directly to Lucy, I asked Danny once then never mentioned it again. I asked him because I know in the past he's said anything overly sexual makes him uncomfortable.

He's not the kind of guy who makes innuendos or anything Also I'm in no way jealous of Lucy, she's the opposite of how I'd want to be (which is fine people can be who they want) and Danny and I already tried dating years ago but the spark wasn't there and it was uncomfortable after we tried being intimate and we BOTH agreed we were better as completely platonic friends

What do you think? AITA? Commenters weighed in:

Sardinesadness said:

YTA, girl.....what? I'm sorry but that's such a hateful way to talk abt someones gf just for having fun. she was literally just minding her business having a good time & you had to hate on her for it?

Ok_Job_9417 said:

YTA - just say that you wanna date Danny and be done with the jealously.

Me-323 said:

YTA and a jealous one at that.

WickedAngelLove said:

YTA. Your friend literally told you that he wasn't bothered but you still felt offended (it's giving jealous) and felt compelled to say something despite both of them being fine with it. And if he wasn't fine with it, it still wasn't your business because if he wanted you to know he would have told you. you didn't jokingly point it out, you said it because you wanted how you felt to be known.

VokunNax said:

Yeah YTA. Lucy sounds like she was having a good time and Danny didn’t seem to mind her behaviour at all until you decided to stir up drama. I don’t know if you feel like you’re losing your friend or if you have a thing for him but you’ve injected yourself into his relationship unwanted and insulted your friend’s partner. Apologise and stop being so judgemental of their relationship if you want to remain friends.

kykiwibear said:

My husband is an extrovert. I'm an introvert. We've been married ten years. He sings karaoke. I just sit at the bar with my crochet, He chats with everyone. I don't. She was just dancing and having fun.

And you slut shamed her with that outfit comment. You did'nt ask he was uncomfortable being dragged onto the dancefloor. You made it all about Lucy and her "behavior". yta I think, btw he was uncomfortable because of you. You shamed his gf for nothing.

Commenters overwhelmingly concluced: YTA. Most agreed OP is jealous and most likely wants to date her friend.

Later, OP shared this update:

Okay I completely accept I was an @$$hole. I don't know if anyone wants an update since I seem to be the internet's villain of the week... Before I continue with the update I'd just like to clarify, someone DMed me saying Danny posted an update that Lucy cheated on him. And while I haven't been able to find the post myself, I can confirm that's not true, someone is lying to cause further issues...

Anyway I texted Danny and asked if I could sit down with him and Lucy to talk, they agreed and we met for coffee. I emphatically apologized to Lucy and then to Danny.

We spoke in detail about how in the past Danny has been similar to me in his attitude towards sex/PDA etc (not just our awkward high school fling, but every relationship he's had since) and how he used to be insecure when his ex girlfriends did anything that made him jealous. Over the years I've become really protective of him because he got hurt a lot.

Danny explained that Lucy has brought him out of his shell and he's much more outgoing now (the opposite of how our friend group has just kind of always been) but his social battery does die a lot quicker than hers which she is understanding of.

I haven't seen much of Danny since he and Lucy began dating in March last year, not because of Lucy but we've all been busy with college and jobs. We still text all the time and he's the same as always in that regard. So their party was my first look at the "new" Danny and I think I obviously didn't cope well with the change since I hadn't been around to see it happen gradually so to me it seemed sudden.

I worried Danny was unhappy because not long ago he would have been miserable and jealous at a party like that and in that kind of relationship. I think throughout the night I convinced myself Lucy was hurting him and wound myself up in self righteousness so by the end of the night when Lucy made her comment I thought she was just trying to antagonize me and I wrongly snapped.

To cut a long story short. Me and Danny are fine. Danny and Lucy are fine. Me and Lucy are going to hang out to get to know each other better. She does seem really nice and I feel horrible for ending her party on such a bad note.

Personal growth! We love to see it!