'AITA for telling MIL that I would never let her watch my baby?'
"AITA for telling MIL that I would never let her watch my baby?"
I gave birth to a baby girl a week ago. I'm slightly obsessed, honestly, and my husband isn't too far behind me. Everything about our daughter is perfect. To say I am very protective already would be an understatement, but I will admit that maybe I'm a bit wrong here- though I can't tell. I feel that I'm mostly valid.
So, basically, my MIL was a sh%t mom to my husband and his brother. The amount of times I have heard her talk about how she used to leave them home by themselves when they were 3 and 4 years old while she went to work 12-16 hour shifts at the hospital or went to the laundromat and would come home to the police there is insane.
And then when the boys were 6 and 7, she left the country to go visit her mother and left the boys with their father, whom didn't know the boys, and refused all contact for over a year.
In the end, the boys ended up in foster care for over 2 years (their dad brought them to CPS and dropped them off) and when she did regain custody of them, she once again left them home alone because she started seeing some guy who didn't want kids and moved in with him.
So the boys fended for themselves for 5+ years (she bought them groceries and made sure they went to school but they literally lived alone in a trailer on their families property). She tried being a mom again when they were 16 and 17 and my husband has forgiven her but I don't trust her regardless.
I would never in a million years trust her to watch my daughter because of what she put her own children through. I understand that years have passed since this all happened and yes, she tries making up for it now, but she is still very much so I the mindset of her not doing anything wrong because my husband turned out "alright" (he has severe abandonment issues). Her other son has been in prison since he was 23.
So, she came over here a few days ago and said something like "I need to get a crib for my house so she has somewhere to sleep". I asked why and she said "well for when I'm babysitting?"
Originally I told her that we wouldn't be needing a sitter for quite some time and she argued that I would need to go back to work and "daycares can't be trusted." I don't even know why it came out of my mouth but I said "neither can you. I wouldn't let you or a daycare watch my baby."
Now there's issues because everyone is pissed that I would bring up the fact that she's untrustworthy (except my husband but he is disappointed).
EDIT:
ETA: my husband is going to be 29 in December so this stuff was happening (starting) 26 years ago. He isn't disappointed that I won't let his mom watch the baby because he said he doesn't trust her either but he expected me to sugarcoat it and let her believe there was a chance she would someday be allowed around our baby unattended to babysit her. So, he basically wanted me to lie to her and make her believe there was a chance when there isn't.
Here's what top commenters had to say:
TarzanKitty said:
NTA. Why would you trust her with your child when she neglected her own children? I wouldn’t trust her to care for a goldfish.
Kattymcnugget said:
NTA. Truth hurts. I wouldn’t trust her either. She has a track record of not being capable of caring for children. As mom it is your call who gets to watch your children and you are well within your rights to deny her that.
GonnaBeOverIt said:
NTA. She is obviously a really bad parent and has bad judgment. I would watch very closely when she’s around your child and your husband really needs to step up…if he’s feeling disappointed because you said that you really need to have a long talk with him.
GreenTravelBadger said:
NTA, you get to decide who watches your kid. Keep a very close eye on your husband, though, he seems like he would allow her unfettered access to the kid.
everellie said:
She's lucky you let her MEET your baby. NTA.