'AITA for telling my aunt's husband she was cheating on him? I regret it already.' UPDATED

"AITAH for telling my aunt's husband she was cheating?"

Going to try and keep it short but I've posted once asking for advice mainly because my aunt tried saying she'd sue me. I told my aunt's husband she was cheating on him, she had been to my knowledge for at least 5 years.

All he told me was thank you and that he appreciated it and wanted to make sure I wasn't lying out of anger towards my aunt. I told him I wasn't, told him how she told me about it herself and we left it at that. Then she tried telling him I was lying and that she was going to sue me, until two other people confirmed it to him too.

Then my aunt tried going around saying he used to physically and emotionally be ab-sive towards her and said that me telling him was basically a good thing but that she had no proof of him ever doing anything to her so she felt like everyone would think she was lying.

I haven't heard any of this myself, all of this is being relayed back to me by my father because I haven't talked to my mother since September and my aunt since July.

I have zero desire to do the back and forth with them so I pretty much told my dad whatever happens happens. That all I wanted to do was what I thought was the right thing and tell her husband about the cheating. Now this is where I'm starting to regret it a little.

I've never felt like I could trust or be very close to my mother and aunt for a lot of reasons. But my cousins I've always loved being around and having around my kids especially. But since telling my aunt's husband about the cheating I've heard little to nothing from them. Thanksgiving passed, nothing, had invited them over before hand and said they would come some said they couldn't, no problem.

No one showed. My birthday came and not one person told me happy birthday or anything. I'm currently pregnant and supposed to be having a gender reveal, one of my cousins I made the God mother to my two oldest ,and now I'm thinking they won't even come for that. She was supposed to come over to see my new house and to see my kids and never did either.

I reached out to her and she basically said she was staying out of it and that she was tired of the he said she said, I told her I understood but that I haven't been talking to anyone and didn't involve the cousins in the slightest and because no one's been talking to me I haven't the slightest clue what's been going on over there.

To add to it my aunt was the caretaker to my grandmother before she passed, all of us where supposed to get urns with her ashes and my kids necklaces, she's now refusing to give me those.

I really just feel like I shouldn't have said anything at all, part of me feels better because I know it was wrong to not tell her husband but I just miss my family and feel like I've been shunned out because everyone else was okay with keeping it a secret except me.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

Update:

Trying to give info some people are wanting. There's a lot more that goes into that side of the family. It's just a lot to get into and not really sure how much is relevant.

My aunt is one of two aunts on that side, her and her husband never had children. They tried but she has a lot of complications with that so it's never worked out. She was actually doing IVF again around the same time I came out pregnant with my oldest but she miscarried. I'm assuming that's around when the cheating started or possibly before hand.

My reason for telling him, I don't really know besides when my dad and my mother were together she cheated on him a lot. Even made it a joke to tell me that he wasn't my dad for a long time, that included with the cheating, which I also knew about not even just because of my dad but because she'd take me and my brother around the men she was cheating with.

She for whatever reason put my brother's birth certificate saying he's "white" and mine under "hispanic" even though we have the same dad. Got a DNA test when I was 18 and he is my dad, I just don't look much like that side.

My entire family knew she was cheating on him besides my cousins, their mom knew, my aunt who cheated knew, my grandmother knew etc. My dad's constantly talked about how that's messed with him and it's been over 20 years since they divorced and he never got into another relationship because of it.

I knew my aunt was cheating from her telling me herself, the way she explained it was that she was basically only telling me because I worked with my mother and the guy she was cheating on her husband with and didn't want me going to her husband asking him why she was there at the job but not coming to see me or my mother.

The way she told me was quite literally her saying "I love him so so much, you know we love each other a lot, we have always loved each other."

She continued saying that over and over until she finally told me "but I'm f--king so and so, I've known him since he worked with me and his wife knows about me but she doesn't really care that he does stuff like this" I just left it alone. My mother basically said not her relationship not her place, so for 5 years I told myself that.

My aunt would also say stuff like her husband didn't really care about our family and only cared about his side other than that never heard anything bad about him. But the way she made him sound I was more or less just like "do you not my problem." My grandmother died recently and one of her biggest things she kept saying was that she was sorry to everyone for anything she did to them.

Knowing her my mother and two aunts there's a lot of secrets lying and manipulation. I pretty much got to the point of not wanting to carry that burden anymore, I don't really care to know more about their relationship honestly I just know how she would talk about him to myself and then the guy she cheated with started talking to my boyfriend about stuff that made it infinitely worse.

It started sounding a lot less like, oh he made me sad and doesn't care about me I need someone to feel that void to it sounding like she was flat out making a joke out of her husband.

She would constantly tell me myself that he was "f--king stupid" "retarded" "he has a big d*ck but doesn't know yow to use it" a lot of what was said to me I could have gone without knowing or hearing. She'd also get my mother to fake bank statements to give to her husband when I'd ask my mother why she'd say "oh cause she has some credit cards he doesn't know about."

Turns out she opened a lot of credit cards in his name without his knowledge and stole around 30k from him. A lot of stuff is coming to light now after telling him about it. When I did tell him I just told him I was sorry for not saying it sooner and I still regret not saying it sooner. Could've at least saved him a lot of time and money if I did.

My cousins are usually the type that don't get into drama because it happens a lot on that side, so honestly when I told him at most I was thinking when I did talk to my cousins we'd just kind of ignore everything and go about normally because that's usually what happens when any of our mothers or aunts are arguing or anything.

I honestly just thought it'd stay between the aunt and husband but when my dad told me the aunt tried lying to the husband saying I lied I was thinking okay so she's probably telling everyone that if anything.

I figured give people their space, my cousins anyway, I don't talk to my aunts or mother. I have no want or need to gossip with them or do the back and forth about the situation, I just didn't think they'd completely ignore me.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

EmploymentLeast705 wrote:

Well, what did you think was going to happen? Did you think it would be business as usual? Actions have consequences. You decided to share your information. One assumes you would have thought it through, and we're willing to accept whatever happened. All you can do now is move on.

scarletxquinn wrote:

NTA. You did the right thing, staying silent about the infidelity would likely have been a heavier burden long-term. Their reaction isn't your fault, and you can't control their actions. Set boundaries with your aunt and don't get pulled into any arguments. If you want to mend things. It's tough that your family is reacting this way, but it's not your fault. Focus on your kids and yourself, especially now.

Illustrious_Unit_636 wrote:

NTA you did the right thing, unfortunately other people are not doing the right thing, so you are being treated unfairly. I think you are learning something about the real nature of these relatives. Don’t sweat it, focus on being happy.

Tiny_Tea_1135 wrote:

You weren’t wrong for telling him, it’s not cool to keep that kind of stuff secret. But yeah, I get why it feels tough now. Sometimes doing the right thing means people get mad. Just focus on your kids, your life, and the people who are there for you. Family drama sucks, but you did the right thing.