Brother blocks sister's romance with his best friend, says she's 'poaching' his friend. AITA?
"AITA for telling my best friend he can’t date my sister?"
Ancient_Hamster_1736
I met my best friend (both 23M) about 5 years ago. I very impulsively moved out of state and we found each other as roommates and became best friends overnight. I decided to move back home a couple months ago and with no real ties to his family anymore he came with me. We have moved in with my dad, my older brother, and my sister until we find stable jobs and a place to live.
My sister (20F) is a lot like him and he always reminded me of her, so I wasn’t surprised that they became fast friends. I didn’t even think twice when they started hanging out without me.
It wasn’t until a few days ago, when I noticed her playing with his hair and him letting her, that it clicked for me. I didn’t freak out or anything, I actually just sat there while I processed the information.
He has like this insane hair that women in general love so I was trying to rationalize it but I just couldn’t. It just seemed like it was a little more friendly than simply hair touching.
Anyway, the next day when we had a minute alone I asked him about it and he got weird, started giggling like a kid and practically blushing. He swore nothing has happened but that he’s clearly very interested in my sister.
I didn’t say much to him at the time as I processed but a few hours later I asked my sister about it and her and I argued, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. I told her it was weird to me that she was coming on to my friend, she told me it was none of my business, I immaturely told her she was poaching my friend, we argued, she cried and pushed me out of her room, normal sibling stuff.
I finally told my best friend I wasn’t cool with him dating her. He didn’t push back too much but was clearly sad. I just told him it could complicate things, he said he understood, but he’s been all mopey since then.
I want to make it clear that I’m not secretly in love with him or anything. I think he’s a great dude, though the whole time I’ve known him he’s only ever had sneaky links and situationships at best so I can’t even vouch for him as a partner.
BUT I can say I never seen him giggle like a kid about a girl before. He does seem to like her, so I do feel a bit bad. My sister’s all pouty and has been spending all her free time in her room.
My brother is calling me a jerk, and my dad is choosing to stay out of it. I just don’t want him to date my sister. If they broke up that could cause problems, plus to be real I just don’t want my sister as a tagalong all the time. If this really makes me an AH, I won’t get in the way, I just won’t be happy about it either. I just want some judgment!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
CrimsonKnight_004
YTA - You told her she’s “poaching” your friend??? Dude, are you actually 5? They’re adults and you have no say over their dating lives. You couldn’t tell your sister who to date even if you were her father. Stay in your freaking lane, your behavior comes across as gross and possessive, either of your sister or of your friend.
screamqueen57
I think the issue is not whether they should date, but that you are right in the middle of it. It would be one thing if you and your friend were living elsewhere and you weren’t forced to watch the beginnings of their relationship, but you’re all very close right now.
YWBTA if you told him he can’t date her, since they do seem to be happy but you would we well within your rights as a friend to say you’d love to see him happy but it’s your little sister, you don’t want to watch, so can he hold off until you guys find a place and there’s some separation?
The OP responded here:
Ancient_Hamster_1736
Awesome input man, thank you. I think that’s the part that’s bothering me most anyway. We’re all living on top of each other right now. I feel like that’s a healthy boundary to set that neither of them would mind. It’s not that I don’t want them to date, it’s that I don’t want to be in the middle of all that.
Logical_Read9153
YTA. GROW UP. "we argued, she cried and pushed me out of her room, normal sibling stuff." Sure this would be normal if you are like 12, not as 20s years olds. You have no say in others dating life.
owls_and_cardinals
Hm I was ready to go Y T A because you're talking about adults here, but I see that you told him you weren't cool with it, which is fair to have said. I think it might come down to how you'd act if they said "Good to know" and went on with dating one another. For now I'll go NTA, based on what you've done and said so far.
I will say, this is a bad idea from the perspective of them all living together though. He should not be trying to hook up with someone he is living with, in my opinion, nor should she. There aren't adequate boundaries.
If / when they break up, especially if it's messy, it'll be SO MUCH MORE messier based on the fact that they'll still be living together. This is a common sense thing. And it seems somewhat disrespectful to your father, who is evidently homing this guy.
All this would be rubbing me the wrong way. MAYBE in the future when your friend has moved out and everyone has some distance, there will be an option for them, but they all really need to grow up before they start sleeping with their roommates.
WeAreAllBourgeoisNow
You reached out into the world and tried to force people to act how you want them to. It's not good. The cool thing would have been to let this run its course, recognising the agency of the people involved. If it meant a bit less time with your friend, a bit more time with your sister? Awkwardness when they break up? Those are just the changes life brings as it progresses. YTA.
The OP responded here:
Ancient_Hamster_1736
Thanks, I liked the way you put that! I still have time to “reverse” this so to speak, like I said things only started happening a few days ago. I felt self assured in my decision post fight with my sister, but as time went on I wasn’t so confident, hence this post, haha!
something-strange999
I married my best friends brother. Married for 20 years. Get over or you will lost both of these people. Also, likely cause some stress in your family. You don't get to be in charge of other people's relationships.