'AITA for telling my biological father I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?'
"AITA for telling my biological father I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?"
I (24 non-binary) am marrying my fiancé (25 m) in a couple months and almost everything is set and planned. I’ve had minimal problems with people involved in my wedding, it’s not going to be a big wedding. Me and my fiancé agreed from the beginning of the wedding planning that we would only have close family and close friends at our wedding (the only exception is my fiancé’s close friend bringing a plus one since he will be travelling from out of state to be there) Me and my fiancé are paying for everything so no one has a problem with our decisions.
The only real issue that has come up is when talking about who will be walking me down the aisle. My biological father assumed that he would be the one to walk me down the aisle, making his point clear the first time it came up on social media when talking about my wedding on social media.
After he said this I called him saying that he wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle, that my stepdad and Pop (grandfather on my mum’s side) would be since they had been my father figures. My biological father didn’t like that, saying that it was his right as my father to walk me down the aisle.
I then responded with “Just because you’re my biological father doesn’t mean you have the right to do anything. You’ve never been a father to me so why should you have the privilege to walk me down the aisle at my wedding." He was silent after that. A moment of silence passed before I hung up.
For context my biological father was barely ever around during my entire childhood and was very emotionally disconnected from me. Him and my mum got divorced when I was five and since I was fourteen I’ve hated him for never being a father to me. My pop was my father figure my whole life until my mum got remarried when I was thirteen and he’s been my real father ever since, putting in the effort into a relationship with me that my biological father never did.
To be honest the only reason he was invited to my wedding at all is because my brothers really wanted him to come for whatever reason. My family soon became aware of the situation, most of the family on my side but my brothers are saying that I should let my biological father be the one to walk me down the aisle since “that’s how it usually works with weddings."
I don’t get why my brothers are insisting on this but now they’re saying they won’t come if I won’t let my biological father be the one to walk me down the aisle. They’re even saying that I’m an AH for “taking this special moment away from my father” but he’s not really a father to me and I feel that this privilege should be for my actual father figures. So AITA for telling my biological father I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Adept_Ad_473 said:
"That's usually how it works for weddings" is a roundabout way of saying "we're telling you how to run your wedding." Those people can kindly f-k off. NTA - your dad's silence spoke volumes. He knows you're right. ETA - if nobody else is paying for your wedding, you owe nobody consideration for how the wedding should be. It's your life, your wedding, your money.
Egal89 said:
NTA - your brothers threatened to not come over this? Okay so I will cancel your seats now, as I consider this your response to my invitation“ problem solved. This day is for your and your spouse. No one else has a say in that. Period.
FordWarrier said:
NTA. You say in your post that those invited are “close family and close friends”. Your bio father isn’t either. You’ve invited him because your brothers insisted, not necessarily because you want him there.
It’s your wedding and your choice to have the two men in your life that have been your “father figures” walk you down the aisle. That is your prerogative regardless of whether “that’s how it usually works”. If your brothers threaten not to attend, tell them they will be missed and ask if they want you to send pictures. Have your beautiful wedding your way.
Terra88draco said:
NTA. Simple solution here is to uninvited the bio dad and tell your brothers that your wedding is not the time for them to try and force a relationship you don’t want. And if they don’t come; then they don’t come. But thet you aren’t going to be bullied by anyone on your special day.
Glittering_Lychee159 said:
NTA. Your wedding is not a history book to blindly follow "tradition." It's a personal day to celebrate love and commitment with those who actually played a part in shaping your life. You've chosen to honor those who've been there for you, and that's the only thing that matters. If your brothers can't understand the significance of your choices, perhaps they need to reflect on the meaning of family and support, not just blood relations. Your biological father may have a title, but the men you've chosen earned their roles in your life, and in your wedding.
Sensitive_Note1139 said:
NTA. It's your choice and you have very valid reasons. Stand your ground on this. It's your brothers who want the relationship with their bio father not you. Next time your brothers push tell them your bio-dad will be uninvited if they keep it up. He isn't your Dad emotionally.
Just because they want a relationship with their sperm donor doesn't mean you do. They can get over themselves. If they want him to walk someone down the aisle it can be their daughters if they ever have any. They're going to whine at that. Screw them.