'AITA for telling my boyfriend’s parents off?' 'I just...snapped.'
"AITA for telling my boyfriend’s parents off and thinking about breaking up because he never stands up for me?"
I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for almost two years now. For the most part, things are good between us when it’s just us two. But whenever we visit his parents, everything falls apart. His mom and dad (let’s call them Mary and John) are... a lot.
They criticize everything about me. My clothes? Not “classy” enough. My job? “Oh, that’s not really stable, is it?” Even the way I talk gets picked apart sometimes. I try to brush it off, but it’s like death by a thousand cuts. And it’s not just the comments. Whenever we’re at their house, they treat me like their personal servant.
Mary will say something like, “Oh, could you clear the table, dear?” Which I didn’t mind the first time, but then it’s, “Can you wash those dishes?” and “Why don’t you serve the dessert?” Meanwhile, my boyfriend is just sitting there, scrolling on his phone or chatting with his dad. It’s like they expect me to play maid while they all relax.
The last time we visited, things hit a breaking point. We were having dinner, and Mary made another one of her lovely comments about how I “should learn how to cook properly” if I want to keep my boyfriend happy. I just...snapped. I told her, “Actually, Mary, I don’t need any lessons, but maybe you could learn some respect.”
Dead silence. Like, you could hear a pin drop silence. Then John chimes in, calling me rude and ungrateful. He actually said, “We’ve been nothing but kind to you, and this is how you treat us?” KIND?! I’m sorry, expecting me to be your housemaid and constantly putting me down is kind?
After dinner, my boyfriend didn’t say a word to them. I thought maybe he was finally upset on my behalf, but nope. The second we got in the car, he went off on me. He said I embarrassed him and overreacted, that I “should’ve just let it go” because “that’s how they are.”
I told him I’m sick of feeling like I’m on my own when it comes to his parents. I asked him, “Why don’t you ever stand up for me?” And he just shrugged and said, “It’s not a big deal.” Not a big deal?!
I’ve spent two years feeling disrespected and unsupported, and he’s calling me dramatic for finally speaking up. I told him if he’s not willing to back me up, maybe we need to rethink our relationship. He said I was being ridiculous and ended the conversation.
Now I’m here, questioning everything. Was I wrong for snapping? Should I have handled it differently? Am I overreacting by thinking about breaking up with him? I feel stuck. Am I the AH?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
newoneform said:
I’m sorry. He doesn’t like you enough to stand up for you. His family sucks. Free yourself!
SockMaster9273 said:
NTA. Find someone who respects you and will standup for you. Your current boyfriend deserves the title of ex.
aphdelievery said:
NTA. You have every right to stand up for yourself and expect respect, especially from your boyfriend, who should be supporting you in difficult situations with his parents.
calminthedark said:
NTA. He won't stick up for you and won't let you talk to him so that he can at least try to understand your feelings. What's left? A relationship where you are not allowed to have feelings or talk through a problem or disagree with him, that's it.
Shutting down the conversion about his parents will eventually become shutting you down on anything he doesn't want to discuss, giving him final say in virtually any issue.
spymatt said:
NTA, and just turn away. He isn't worth it and neither his is stuck up family. You deserve to be treated with respect, and nobody does that.
throwawtphone said:
"He said I was being ridiculous and ended the conversation." Oh, hell no. Your response should have been that you are being ridiculous, and I am ending the relationship.