"AITA for telling my brother he shouldn't have had kids?"
My brother (34M) and his wife have three kids under seven. They've been financially struggling for most of their marriage and I (31F) have been quietly helping for years. Groceries here, a car repair there, covering a bill when things got tight. I never made it a thing because he's my brother and I love his kids.
But last month he called asking for $1,800 to cover rent. I'd already lent him $600 two months before that which hasn't been mentioned since. I was tired and I said I couldn't do it right now, and he pushed back, said I didn't understand how hard it was with three kids. Said family helps family. Said I'd regret it if something bad happened.
That last part broke something in me. I told him that I understood it was hard, and that maybe he should have thought about whether he could afford a third child before having one.
My mom has since told me it was a cruel thing to say and that financial stress can hit anyone. My sister thinks I crossed a line. My brother hasn't contacted me since. Part of me knows the timing was terrible and the words were harsh. But another part of me is genuinely exhausted from being the family safety net for decisions I had no part in making. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Sea-Ad9057 said:
Your mom and sister can pay his bills.
BookishIntrovert99 said:
NTA. He was basically using emotional blackmail to pressure you into being his ATM.
z01z said:
NTA. "My brother hasn't contacted me since." Sounds like a win to me. but i bet he'll come calling when mom and sis get tired of his BS too.
Tassle15 said:
NTA I don’t help my brother financially. I just provide loans like a payday loan place but reasonable interest. At any point he doesn’t pay me back the loans stop. My point is it’s not your responsibility to be another parental money resource as a sister. That’s not part of a sister role.
PolkadotUnicornium said:
NTA. You aren't his personal piggy bank. Maybe you could have worded it a bit less harshly, maybe not. Time to tally up all the money you've given for HIS family and blast it to anyone who says you should help. Seriously, why aren't any of THEM helping? Oh, they can't afford it?
Well, neither can you. The Bank of Sister is closed, at least for now. Make it stay closed until he and his wife make up a repayment plan. If they don't, take them to court. Their entitlement and hubris, along with that of all of their flying monkeys, is absolutely appalling.
Boomer_Dook said:
NTA. "If something bad happens" sounds like an oblique threat and we don't negotiate with terrorists.
R0ck3tSc13nc3 said:
NTA. You're a more generous sibling than me. I would have given them or loaned them them no money ever. That's not how we were raised. We were raised to be independent and self-supporting by 16. I've never gotten money from my family they never asked me for money from me, not even sure where this would start.
Totally okay to not have any financial engagement, you're not obligated to even talk to family, it's a choice. A lot of people get abused and used. Not sure what you get out of this arrangement. I don't think you could ever get paid back. It's not your monkey it's not your circus. Anybody who gets help, that should come from the parents. Not a sibling.