I haven't seen my brother in 5 years due to both of us being in the military. He finally came to visit with his girlfriend that he's been with for 3 years. His visit it already cut from 2 weeks to 4 days because she has to go back to work. They also brought their dog, but forgot the kennel, so I went and bought one.
We have a guest room, where she stayed for 90 percent of the visit. When they arrived, she did not speak to anyone, which could be attributed to social anxiety. When my wife cooked dinner, she did not thank her for the meal nor did she rinse her plate, just left it on the table.
My brother and I spent most of the time playing video games and watching anime, but every 20 minutes or so, she would call him on the phone to ask him to come to the room or bring her something. She could have just come down to hang out with my brother and me and my wife. But it wasn't that big a deal. I could deal with that.
On their last day, we all went to my best friend's house, who has been close with my brother and me for a long time. I drove the four of us in my car because they didn't know the area.
My buddy really wanted to play some board games and cook dinner for all of us. But 30 min into our time there she said she was hungry and wanted Chick-fil-A. This bothered me, but I tried to be understanding and took her to get some food.
When we got back, she spent the entire 3 hours we were there on the couch scrolling TikTok. After dinner, she told me and my brother she was ready to go back to the house because she needed to rest for their drive back home.
My brother wanted to stay longer so he asked her if we could drop her off. She of course said no. For reference my brother was staying up anyway so he could sleep during her part of the driving.(13 hr drive).
Honestly most of this stuff alone wouldn't bother me, but it's compounding. The entire point of the visit was for me and my brother to spend time together. The visit was already cut short because she needed to go back to work. Imo for all that she could have stayed home.
My wife and best friend both felt like they weren't accommodating enough and weren't welcoming enough. I think that's unfair to them and myself. I told my brother I loved seeing him again and want him to visit again, but that she wasn't allowed to be at my house again until she learned to be a proper guest. AITA?
NTA, but how was your brother not embarrassed by her behavior. I have second hand embarrassment reading this.
NTA. I would not have her back either. Anybody who acts like that is not guest worthy. Hopefully, your brother will see the light and kick her to the curb soon.
NTA she is rude and controlling. Honestly, this should be a wake up call for your brother. First she forced him to cut the visit short and take her, second she alienated him throughout the stay, and third she was incredibly rude to welcoming guests. I can’t imagine being with a partner that couldn’t even rise a dish as my family’s guest or was so rude to the person hosting.
NTA. However it’s important to note that your brother isn’t helpless in all this. He chose to cut the visit short to accommodate you. He brought his dog and forgot the kennel. He kept doing everything she asked instead of just saying no.
NTA, but this is worrying behavior. It genuinely seems like she is intentionally alienating him from his friends and family, and that’s abusive. As someone who watched a relative of mine’s (now ex, thank goodness) wife do this to him, I wish I had known what to say sooner.
Making him bring her and then using her presence to keep him from being able to be around the people he came to visit, leave early, and disrespect his friends and family - all red flags.
It will get worse with time and if the abuser gets their claws in it becomes easier and easier for them to convince their victim that everyone else is the problem. Have a genuine conversation with him about how concerning this was, and let him know that your door is always open FOR HIM.