'AITA for telling my co-worker that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy?' 'I hated every moment.' UPDATED

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"AITA for telling my co-worker that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy?"

A new co-worker started 3 months ago. Let’s call her Linda. She seems pretty nice, which is why I’m really not sure about all this. At my work, we have a tradition where once a new employee successfully completes their probation, we go out for a team lunch. Nothing fancy, but something nice to celebrate. Linda passed her probation, so we went out for lunch.

As we’re eating, we all get to talking, and the topic of "the magic of pregnancy/childbirth" comes up. Everyone was sharing sweet moments from their pregnancy. I enthusiastically joined in but didn’t share any of my own. I think Linda noticed because she specifically turned to me and said:

Linda: “You had twins, didn’t you? That must have been a wonderful experience.” I smiled and said something along the lines of how I wished my pregnancy and birth had been as positive an experience as theirs had been. To be clear it was not said sarcastically at all.

The truth is I hated every moment of being pregnant. I could write a long list of all the "magical" symptoms I had but I’ll just give you the highlights. Horrific vivid nightmares. Hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness). Debilitating migraines. A metallic taste in my mouth.

And then the birth…honestly I feel like anything that could go wrong (but not be life threatening) did go wrong. Worst of all, due to some of the complications I ended up being kept in hospital for a while, so I missed the first few days with my girls.

It’s safe to say I hated every moment of being pregnant, and every moment of labor. It was not a magical experience by any stretch of the imagination. I didn’t say any of this to Linda, I just responded as I mentioned.

After my reply, Linda started getting short with me. Later, I asked her privately what was going on. She snapped and told me what I said was "insensitive" and "undermined" their experiences and told me I was an a-hole for it.

Since then, she’s sort of cooled off, and is less hostile (or at least less openly hostile), but last week she invited all the girls in the team to a ladies night. Everyone but me. Now, I don’t mind so much, since ladies nights are not really my thing, but the fact that she pointedly excluded me has made things awkward. I feel like I need to do something.

I’m not really in the mood for drama. I have enough of that in my life right now. I don’t need more, so I haven’t confronted her about it yet. And as I said, she is otherwise a really nice person, normally pretty friendly and easy going.

So I’m left wondering if I really was an a-hole. Was what I said insensitive? Did it undermine their experience? Before I ask her about it, I could use some perspective because I honestly just don’t know. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

All7AndWeWatchEmFall said:

Good lord, sooooo NTA. I would have wondered if she was pregnant with the way she responded. I also had a very miserable pregnancy and a serious life-threatening event (heart failure), so I can't relate to these stories.

You weren't being sarcastic, you weren't telling these women that they sucked for having positive experiences, you didn't call them liars. You just shared your experience.

She has shown that she's very petty by excluding you from a ladies night event. All of this would make me very cautious of working on any projects with her. Good luck.

Far_Information_9613 said:

NTA. Linda is playing mean girl, and you are her first target.

TX-Pete said:

NTA at all. It would have been borderline if you regaled them with a horror show, but even then, that’s simply just truthful. Not everything is sunshine and unicorns, and while some are ill-equipped to handle reality, that’s a them problem, not a you problem.

hadMcDofordinner said:

NTA You have the right to feel as you do about your pregnancy and it in no way reflects on anyone else's experience. Leave this person alone, no need to bring up her reaction to you or her remarks. She's judgmental and who needs it. LOL Just do your job and leave it at that.

DateSignificant7741 said:

NTA It’s funny that she says you undermined their experiences when in reality when she assumed everyone had a good pregnancy and was annoyed at OPs experience, she was now actually undermining and insensitive. You should tell her that if any she’s the one who did what you said!

Regular_Boot_3540 said:

NTA. You were perfectly appropriate. You shared your own experience without getting into the details and bringing everybody down. I don't know what Linda's problem is, but I hope you can continue to cultivate good relationships with your other coworkers.

NaryaGenesis said:

Dear God she sounds insufferable honestly. NTA. Linda and people like her need to realize that not everyone enjoys the pregnancy journey. Many people don’t remember it positively and same for the labor.

I didn’t have any of your symptoms and I still didn’t enjoy mine. My body overheats easily so I was in Dante’s inferno throughout. I was uncomfortable and exhausted. Labor was uneventful but still, SUPER painful and exhausting.

Do I regret my kids? No. But there’s a reason I stopped at 2! I love kids but getting pregnant again is literally my worst nightmare!

UPDATE:

Since posting, I have kept my distance from Linda as recommended by commenters, which has been tough because our work often overlaps and, y’know, we’re in the same team. Since then, I noticed she has snapped at other coworkers as well. I figured that commenters were right – that now her probation was over, the nice-girl act was over.

Things were awkward. Then, I heard her crying in the bathroom. I didn’t want to get involved in case it caused another fight, but I also couldn’t just leave her there when there might be a problem, so I told ‘Tina’, our team lead, who then went to check on Linda. A while later, Tina came back and said she had sent Linda home as she wasn’t feeling well.

A few days later, Linda came back to work. She asked to speak to me. Alone. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but I agreed to. And I’m glad I did. Linda apologised for how she snapped at me. I asked why she excluded me from ladies night.

She said she didn’t invite me to the ladies night because I had told her I didn’t like them. To be fair I have a vague memory of this coming up in conversation a while ago. But she had something else to tell me.

It turns out, some of you were right. Linda is pregnant. When she got sent home, her boyfriend asked her to take a pregnancy test because the last time she was pregnant, she got super broody, and her mood was all over the place - being happy one minute, bursting into tear the next, then being super irritable.

As bad as she was being at work, she was even worse at home. She took a test and, yep, she’s pregnant. She told me she wanted me to be the first person in the office to know about it. I guess it was her way of apologizing? I accepted her apology and chose to believe her about the ladies night, albeit cautiously.

I’m still keeping a slight guard up, because who knows, for all I know this is a some game she’s playing, but for now, I am choosing to take her at her word. Obviously, her being pregnant doesn’t excuse how she spoke to me, but it does explain it, and if that genuinely is the issue, then hopefully that means the issue is solved.

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

throwbackblue said:

Sounds like an excuse. I wouldn't believe anything she said. Being pregant is not an excuse to treat people like that.

AshamedSir6117 said:

NTA. It's good that you were able to have a conversation with Linda and clear things up. Her pregnancy may explain her behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. Hopefully, now that things are out in the open, you can both move forward and work together without any further issues.

Entire_Volume2437 said:

NTA. It's great that you were able to have a conversation with Linda and clear the air. It's understandable that her pregnancy could have been causing her mood swings and behavior at work. It's good that you're keeping a slight guard up, but also choosing to take her at her word for now. Hopefully, things can improve from here on out.

No-Contest-8743 said:

NTA. It's good that you kept your distance from Linda as recommended by commenters, but it's even better that you told your team lead about her crying in the bathroom.

It's great that Linda apologized to you and told you about her pregnancy, but it doesn't excuse her behavior towards you. It's good that you're still cautious, but it's also good that you're choosing to take her at her word for now.

Ill-Criticism-878 said:

NTA. It's good that you were able to talk things out with Linda and that she apologized. Her being pregnant doesn't excuse her behavior, but it does give some context. Hopefully, things will improve from here on out.

AdAggravating3318 said:

NTA. It's good that you were able to have a conversation with Linda and clear the air. Hopefully, things will be less awkward at work now. It's understandable that her pregnancy may have been affecting her mood, but that doesn't excuse her behavior towards you. It's good that you're keeping a slight guard up, but also giving her the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully, things will continue to improve between you two.