'AITA for telling my cousin that it's her fault her patient may regress in her treatment?'
"AITA for telling my cousin that it's her fault her patient may regress in her treatment?"
InternetWinter1219
Hi everyone. I need some judgement on my situation. Every year, my (30F) extended family gets together and we have a family picnic. It's a lot of fun, and we typically have a great time. However it was different this time around.
My cousin (32F) was in attendance and typically whenever we see her, she likes to tell/rant to us about her job, as she works as a nurse. Here's the story that she told this time around:
A woman came into the hospital and needed an IV placed. The problem was that said patient was very needle-phobic and let my cousin know. Her patient then proceeded to do coping mechanisms that she had learned, which was closing her eyes, deep breathing, holding her sister's hand and "crying like a baby".
My cousin's opinion on this situation was that it was totally ridiculous and she let her patient have it. In her words, she sternly told her patient to grow up, and that her antics were ridiculous.
Her patient's sister explained that she had a genuine phobia and to be patient with her, but cousin responded that it wasn't her job to deal with anybody's irrational fears, and not to waste anybody's time. Cousin placed the IV in while the patient was "hysterical" and left the room. Later, the patient's sister requested to not have my cousin as her nurse again.
At some point, cousin was confronted by the sister, who called her a "nasty troll" for talking to the patient in that way, and berating somebody who was going through a hard time facing her fears.
My cousin doubled down and told her that if the patient's fear is that bad, then she would need to seek therapy for it and "not waste resources." Here is where I become very concerned.
The patient's sister says that her sister has been in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for a little while now to manage her phobia and medical anxiety, and had been making good progress.
Now the patient is refusing to seek future medical treatment, and says that she would never open up about her fear again and is potentially regressing in her treatment, which she blamed my cousin for.
I'm a therapist and I specialize in CBT. Many of my patients have phobias and medical anxiety. I've seen first hand how debilitating it can be. I've had a few patients in the past who've regressed because of traumatic moments and it seems highly likely that this would happen to the patient in this story.
Well, my cousin proclaimed that it was ridiculous for the patient's sister to claim that it's her fault for the patient regressing in her treatment. I told my cousin that it kind of WAS her fault.
I told her that she chastised someone that was doing her best to overcome a struggle and because of that, the patient would potentially never seek medical care again, or be honest with her medical team ever again. Fighting ensued.
Now, some family members are on my cousin's side, saying that she was doing her job, and that I made her feel bad, while others are on my side, saying that I was in the right, and had the expertise to call her out. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Tough_Crazy_8362
Today I learned a nurses job is to mock and belittle patients that are crying!
NTA but I have a running theory about nurses: half of them are mean girls that peaked in high school.
Sunny_beets
More than half, more like 75%.
Also, she shouldn’t be talking about her patients at all. You can’t reveal information that makes it easy to identify them.
PumpkinPowerful3292
NTA - This: 'cousin responded that it wasn't her job to deal with anybody's irrational fears', um, that is precisely one of the jobs you have in nursing. Florence Nightingale she is not. My advice to you is to encourage your cousin to explore another career, nursing doesn't seem to fit her all that well. Maybe the hang-person at the prison may be more her speed.
gydzrule
NTA Her job was to place the IV, not comment on how the patient dealt with her anxiety/phobia. She should be able to recognize what the patient was doing (breathing exercises, etc) as coping mechanisms. This should have prompted a more empathetic response and some reassurance and encouragement.
I hope the patient's sister reported her to her supervisor. She needs some supplementary training. You aren't an armchair expert. This is literally your field of study. Your family are the AH for not backing you.
KatTheTumbleweed
NTA. I am a nurse and this behaviour is 100% unacceptable, unprofessional and grounds for disciplinary actions. Whatever her thought may have been about a patient (and even the best of us let our judgment slip sometimes) she needed to keep it to herself. There is no excusing her behaviour and if she can’t see it was wrong it’s scary to think what she might think is appropriate.
FlatFireInvestigator
NTA – As a therapist specializing in CBT, you have the knowledge and experience to understand how phobias and medical anxiety can affect people. It’s disheartening that your cousin didn’t show any empathy in this situation, especially as a healthcare provider who should be compassionate and understanding.
FuzzyButterscotch810
NTA. They say your cousin was "doing her job" - but I thought a nurse's job was to take care of their patients. What she did was mock and belittle a patient, and I'm pretty sure that is NOT what she is supposed to do.
dncrmom
NTA hopefully you won’t have to worry about it much longer. If this patient & future patients continue to complain about her lack of compassion & completely inappropriate treatment of them, she won’t have a nursing job much longer. I’d recommend she look into other areas without direct patient care.
Acrobatic_Increase69
NTA and your cousin was rude and uncaring and opposite of what a nurse should be. I’d hate to have your cousin as my nurse and it is her fault for how she treated the patient who she was supposed to care for, not abuse and shout at. Your cousin needs a refresher on care and compassion.