'AITA for telling my dad that he has ruined our family legacy?'
"AITA for telling my dad that he has ruined our family legacy?"
AccomplishedRain9
My parents raised me (33M) and my sister in western Canada, but after attending university, both of us have since moved away. I now live in the UK and my sister lives on the opposite coast of Canada.
My dad's family has always been upper middle class and the "centerpiece" of his family was an old farmhouse about an hour outside of a major city that my great great grandfather built.
This means I was part of the 5th generation to be there. It was modestly sized with 3 bedrooms over 2 floors, not some massive mansion in the countryside. It sat on less than an acre of land.
That being said, it's been the family meeting spot for literally generations. My grandparents lived there until they died. This is where my sister and I spent hundreds of days in our childhood.
Although my dad's family wasn't excessively wealthy, there was always this idea of preserving something for the next generation to make life a bit easier. My grandfather was generous and helped my parents often, but sensibly made sure that the family money was always growing.
He would gift my parents weekends away and similar. My parents also massively benefitted from this by having almost 50% of their first home being paid for by my dad's parents.
My grandmother passed away, then eventually my grandfather did as well. He passed about 10 years ago now. After he passed away, my parents sold the farmhouse to "create a new family meeting spot".
At the time, my sister and I both fought this idea, but our parents did it anyway. If I had the funds, I would have bought it from them myself, but I had just left university so had no income. They insisted this would be best for everyone.
With the money from this sale, my father retired about 5 years early and they bought a piece of land on a remote island on one of Canada's many lakes. It's 4 hours from the nearest airport and only accessible by boat and only in the summer.
There is no road access and the lake partially freezes in the winter, which means you can't get there by boat. They built a cabin on this property and it sleeps 4 people if you pull out the couch.
They have been living at the cabin for the warm half of the year and freeloading at my aunt and uncle's house for the rest. My parents recently asked me for a loan of several thousand dollars (which I don't have) to expand their cabin to sleep more people so that "we could all be together at the cabin".
This idea disgusts me. My father inherited money that has been well cared for for literally generations through moderate use and he's already blown through it less than 10 years later.
Between this remote cabin and taking early retirement, he and my mom have managed to use it all and are now imposing on me to give them more money for a cabin that I will probably never use (as I live in the UK).
Going to the old farmhouse was fine before because it was much closer to an airport, could fit us all, and was accessible year-round. We can't even use this cabin for Christmas.
The way I see it, my parents have completely ruined our family legacy because of their greed and they can't even see it. If I ever have kids, they will never get to experience all the family history at the farmhouse like I did.
My sister has a kid on the way and we've already discussed how sad we are that the kid will never see the house. The idea of helping the next generation has ended with my parents and this seems selfish to me. I told my parents this and they told me that I was being entitled and selfish.
I have had to work much harder to get where I am than my parents did. I have 2 degrees, have built my career over 3 continents, and have never taken money from my parents unless it was a gift for Christmas or my birthday. My parents both worked simple jobs and never went to university. I now believe that they've coasted through life because they knew they could afford to. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
WatermelonRindPickle
NTA. You are not in a financial state to give your parents money. End of discussion.
lmalexb
The change must begin with you and your sister. Give nothing to your parents.
sincerelyyyyluna
NTA. Your parents have not only squandered away the family legacy, but also have the audacity to ask for more money from you. It's understandable that you feel frustrated and disappointed with their actions.
It's not entitled or selfish to want to preserve something for future generations, especially when it has been a part of your family for so long. Your parents are the ones being selfish by not considering the impact of their actions on the family legacy.
Carpenter-_-Fancy
NTA - sorry about the farmhouse. It would have been nice to keep in the family. Especially if they know how much it meant to you and your sister. That is the issue when you’ve been handed so many things, it can take away motivation (not all the time, but seems more often than not).
Impressive-Amoeba-97
The change must begin with you and your sister. Give nothing to your parents. You need to save it for a new meeting place for family. Not them, but for your sister's family, and yours if you have one. I keep having these tiny home A-frames with 1-2 "room" lofts coming across my screen periodically, heavy on the windows, absolutely gorgeous.
I don't know if you can do that in the UK, but here in the states, it's something I'd do with a piece of land. Work on buying the land. Begin it. The legacy restarts with you.