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'AITA for telling my daughter to butt out after she tried to sabotage my relationships?'

'AITA for telling my daughter to butt out after she tried to sabotage my relationships?'


"AITA for telling my daughter to butt out of my personal life and asking her to stay with her mom?"

So me (35M) and my ex wife holly (35F) have a 16 year old daughter named Shea. Me and holly started dating when we were 14 and divorced 1.5 years ago. The reason was she felt like she hasn’t experienced dating since we got together so young. And she was getting curious but didn’t want to step out on me. So I agreed to not hold her back and we divorced.

We immediately got Shea into therapy. And she handled the whole thing really well at first. Well I started to date, it was weird but kinda exciting. Shea was happy for me and encouraged me to go on dates. Well everything changed. Me and holly spent the night together 8 months ago and my daughter found us the next morning. She was giddy. But we explained to her that we weren’t getting back together.

That we just have a very strong bond and are best friends. But she shouldn’t have found out. Ever since sheas been a nightmare. I was dating a teacher from her school and she tried to sabotage it. Shea would show up on our dates (we track each other’s location). She would constantly bring up her mom in front of the girl I was dating.

She was rude to her. Eventually we split because she didn’t want the drama. The past 8 months Shea has been sending me pics of her and her mom in workout classes. She keeps telling me about holly’s new fitness. Holly has lost weight and she looks freaking incredible. But I kept telling her that me and her mom are better apart right now. About 4 months ago holly calls me.

She admitted to drinking a bottle of wine and saying some stuff to Shea. She told her the reason we split up and that she regretted it and wanted the family back together. And that she was done dating because she hated it. I sat down Shea and explained to her again my stance. That I absolutely love her and her mom, and that their was definitely a possibility of reconciliation down the line.

But at this point I was having fun. So I started to see sheas friends mom around this time. We kept it from the girls until we thought it was real. Shea freaked out. She cut off her friend. She sent my GF a lengthy Facebook message that basically said she was wasting her time. That I was in love with my ex. I talked to Shea about how inappropriate that was. And we got her back into therapy.

So last week my GF was trying to get something from my house. I wasn’t home but Shea was. My GF knocked on the door. Shea saw who it was and wouldn’t open the door. I called her and told her to open it. And she refused. I had to run home from work to let my GF in. I was furious with Shea. I basically told her that she needed to butt out of my personal life.

And that maybe it would be best if she stayed at her moms (we don’t have a formal custody agreement) for awhile. Until she could accept that I was dating. She left and I called Holly. Holly thinks I’m being an AH. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

DocChloroplast said:

You and the ex are both AHs for undoing 10 months of therapy for a one-night stand.

SmellyCatLGBT said:

YTA. You are absolutely, without a doubt, 100% the A$$HOLE. So y’all uproot this girl’s entire family life and a year and a half later she’s expected to see you dating and being serious with her friend’s mother…? And when she has a WARRANTED reaction, you tell her to leave. You’re choosing a few months old relationship over your daughter. Absolutely pathetic.

Sea-Sky3177 said:

YTA dating a teacher at your daughter’s school and a friend’s parent? You are butting into her personal life if anything

NerakYak said:

YTA. Which person is 16? Your personal life is HER personal life if you're dating her friend's mother and sending your GF over to the house. You need to apologize for how you handled this. You absolutely can suggest it might be better for her to live with her mother if you dating is upsetting her, but you cannot scream at her to butt out when you aren't keeping things separate.

Not that you should NEED to keep them separate, but you are not handling this well at all and no wonder your daughter is flipping out. You need to go to a therapy session or two with your daughter.

lisaslyfe said:

Do you find no women other than your daughter's teachers and her friend's mom? Wtf is wrong with you? Tinder is a thing. USE IT.

Verdict: YTA.

Do you agree?

Sources: Reddit
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