'AITA for telling my ex-girlfriend I won’t help her until we do a DNA test?' 'She said the timing lines up perfectly.'
"AITA for telling my ex-girlfriend I won’t help her until we do a DNA test?"
I (25M) need some advice. My ex-girlfriend, Emma (23F), and I were together for two years. We broke up four months ago because we wanted different things. The breakup was friendly, and we said we’d stay friends.
Two weeks ago, Emma called me out of the blue, very upset. She told me she’s pregnant and that the baby is mine. She wants us to get back together and raise the baby as a family. I was really surprised because we haven’t been together or slept together since we broke up. She said the timing lines up perfectly.
I asked her how far along she is, and she said three months, which matches when we broke up. But we always used protection, so I found it hard to believe. I told her I’d be there for the baby if it’s mine, but I needed a DNA test to make sure. I didn’t want to end up in a situation that isn’t true.
Emma got really mad, saying I should trust her and that I’m being insensitive. She cried and said I don’t love her or our baby. She said she couldn’t believe I’d doubt her like this. I tried to explain that it’s not about trust, but about being sure of something that will change my life. I said I’d support her emotionally but wouldn’t commit to anything financially or get back together until we had a test done.
She hung up on me, and now she’s telling our friends and her family that I’m refusing to help her. I’m getting messages from people, saying I’m abandoning her and the baby. Some friends understand my side, but others think I’m being too harsh and paranoid. Am I the ahole for wanting a DNA test before committing to anything?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ChanceAd3606 said:
NTA. This is a standard request if your ex comes to you months after the breakup telling you they are pregnant. She can get as offended as she wants.
Destination_Centauri said:
NTA. For the friends who claim you are "too harsh and paranoid", just tell them: Great! So you'll be totally cool to help with the babysitting and finances then since I'm making you the godparent!
Fit-Ad-9682 said:
My dude, get the DNA test. NTA.
Basic-Operation1079 said:
Dude the moment she put that whole crying scheme the chances of you being the father plummeted to near zero. Get that DNA. Don’t ruin your life.
LongshanksnLoki said:
NTA. DNA tests should always be performed. Once it becomes "normal" no one has reason to be angry. Even if the baby is yours, that's no reason to marry this girl. You shouldn't let friends and family inform your decision, a decision that only effects you and your life. Tell them to butt out.
Open-Incident-3601 said:
NTA. In my state, they look at whether or not you were married for a year before the birth. If not or you were married less than a year, you are not the presumptive father and domestics orders a paternity test before establishing child support. You are well within your rights.