'AITA for telling my ex (who left me for someone else) to move on when she asked me to accept her back?'
"AITA for telling my ex (who left me for someone else) to move on when she asked me to accept her back?"
This is a long story, so bear with me. Back in 2015, I was in a serious relationship with a woman I loved deeply. We clicked instantly, and for almost 4 years we were head over heels for each other.
At the time, I was figuring life out, and she was working on her bachelor’s. We promised marriage, and at one point I even bought her a ring and proposed. She accepted, and we hugged and cried together.
But a few months later, she completely ghosted me. She blocked me everywhere, and I was devastated. A while later I found out she was marrying her ex of 10 years. I was heartbroken.
I tried reaching out multiple times and I even called her mom and asked her to hand the phone over to my ex. Her mom agreed, and when I directly asked my ex if she wanted to say something to me, she simply said “no.” That was it.
After that, I let it go and never spoke to her again. Our relationship had lasted exactly 3 years and 11 months. Now that she wants me back, I told her I had already given her that chance years ago but she claimed she doesn’t even remember it.
Fast forward to last year out of nowhere, she reached out. At first, it was just small talk, nothing major. Then last month, she asked me to hop on a call. I hesitated but eventually agreed. We ended up talking for 3 hours.
During the call, she told me she regretted everything. She said she never actually wanted to marry her ex but was forced to by her father. Then she turned it around and said it was my fault because I didn’t “take a stand.” I told her, “How could I? You ghosted and blocked me.” She insisted that if I truly loved her, I would’ve fought harder.
She went on to explain that she now has 3 kids, her husband is verbally abusive, and his best friend openly flirts with her while her husband just laughs it off. She admitted she’s been so unhappy she’s even considered ending her life, but she stays for the kids.
She said she’s planning on divorcing him and wanted me to accept her back into my life. I told her honestly that she needs to move on and that I’m getting married soon. Now I’m wondering if I was too harsh. She was clearly in pain, but after everything she did to me, I didn’t feel it was my responsibility to step back into that mess.
So… AITA for telling my ex to move on instead of giving her another chance or at least support her?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA You were not harsh. I would have refused to speak to her. I had a gf cheat on me and she sent me an email from a strange account a year later telling me how much she regretted what she did and how we were meant to be together. I was engaged to my now wife. I showed her the email, we laughed together and i blocked her there too.
She is looking for a meal ticket and daddy for her 3 kids. You weren't nearly harsh enough. If you are truly getting married soon i would make sure to come clean with your soon to be wife and block that crazy witch everywhere.
NTA. She’s only reaching out because she needs you to financially support her after the divorce. Please don’t take her back. She made her choice. You are getting married. Why are you even entertaining this??? Don’t ruin what you have for a woman that dumped you in the worst possible way. NTA - block her.
... claimed she doesn’t even remember it...
... if I truly loved her, I would’ve fought harder...
... wanted me to accept her back into my life....
I'm sorry, but where is "I love you" in any of this? This is a "woe is me" story and pure manipulation. She sees you as a doormat and presumes you will roll over like a good doggy. Have some self respect and do not talk to her again.
She needs help but you are not the one to do it. Don't get sucked back in. Respect your fiancee and tell her everything.
NTA, she fucked around and found out lmao. She only truly wants you back because her situation is poor. She got her short end of the stick and you’re doing fine without her.
Wait, you are actually engaged to someone else? Why would you entertain her call for more than a few minutes? She expects you to toss your current relationship and take on an abusive ex husband and three kids - there are much easier ways to blow up your life. Like start a drug habit. NTA.
NTA. And ghost her completely, she got her dad, mom, and in-laws, you're not her knight in the shining armor. She cheated on you, ghosted you, married her ex, She chose poorly, played stupid games, and got her stupid reward. Not your problem not your monkey not your circus.
Now that you have had your closure, she apologized, Don't be naive, don't fall for her, grow a spine, and keep NC. It goes without saying that you must tell your fiancée everything about your Ex call. Don't disappoint us in you OP, update us when you confirm closing this chapter of your life forever.
NTA Do you really want to get involved with her, even on a friendly basis? She accepted your proposal, ghosted you, when you did reach her, she had nothing to say. Now she turns up again in distress, blames her father, gaslights you saying you didn’t fight hard enough, husband is abusive, etc, etc, etc.
It was everyone’s fault but hers. Why would you want that back PLUS three kids that you’ll probably take on responsibility for? If you feel you need to be there as a friend and support her, maybe do it from afar. Sure bet she’ll want money to get on her feet.
NTA. You don't owe her politeness. The fact that you even heard her out is more than she deserved. Ghosting someone after nearly 4 years is just cruel. I also have a huge issue with the whole "you need to fight for me" BS - I had an ex pull this on me.
My personal feeling on that is that I shouldn't have to fight for you. If I'm not the clear choice, I'm out. If you ghost me, I'm not going to chase after you (once I realize you truly ghosted me and aren't in a hospital with amnesia or something.)
You did what you could. You tried to talk to her. She shot you down. You moved on. Her regrets are her problem. Tell her to fuck off and go enjoy your life. You owe this woman nothing.