'AITA for telling my family no more to monthly family dinners?' 'They said she should cook better.'
"AITA for telling my family no more to monthly family dinners?"
Ever since my dad was a kid our family has done monthly family dinners, nicer ones than your average family dinner. It's something our family did when my siblings and I were kids too. We'd have grandparents over and we'd all have a nicer dinner together.
When my siblings and I grew up we still did it only instead of what happened before, where branches broke off over time and did their own, they decided we should include partners/spouses and our kids as a whole in one. By the time I was 19 the family had decided they would take turns hosting each month to lessen the burden.
My wife was excited to be a part of them at first. We started during our relationship. I did the cooking to start and then she took over after a while because she wanted to. My family had seemingly got along with my wife before this point but they were overly harsh of her cooking (with the exception of my two younger siblings).
She tried to make them happy but no dice. I told them they could be kinder. They said she should cook better or cook different things. My wife didn't make anything they don't eat. But nothing was right. She grew frustrated and I grew suspicious.
So we hosted a couple of months ago and I told my wife we were going to pretend I did the cooking. Just to see. She told me she felt like they just weren't fond of her food. I pointed out nobody had the same amount of complaints as them and they even criticized the steak and potatoes they all seemed to go crazy for.
She went along with the plan and when my family thought I'd cooked it? They loved it. Said it was so good my wife had decided to let a real talent take over. That it was so nice to have something a little different (curry) and all this very lovely stuff. My younger brother and sister weren't fooled.
But they enjoyed watching the rest of the family dig a hole. When the rest of my family heard it was my wife's food and not mine? They tried so hard to backtrack on all the nice stuff.
The rest of the dinner went in tense silence and my wife's eyes were opened. I told her I was done with these dinners and she was my priority. She felt a little bad. I told her we could have dinners with my younger brother and sister sometimes. It's less stress anyway.
When we didn't show up to last months dinner or this one, my parents and siblings started asking questions. I told them each time we weren't going again but missing two made it sink in. They told me we need to be there. I said never again. My wife doesn't deserve their disrespect.
I told them they ruined what they wanted by being aholes to her. They said I was overreacting, making very relationship-harming choices, and treating them badly for simply having issues with my wife's food. They also said to think of future kids and how they'll miss out. Some of it got to my wife a little which I have tried to reassure her about. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
WebAcceptable7932 said:
NTA it’s pretty clear the issue isnt her food. It’s her. For whatever reason they don’t seem to like her. Good for you for standing up to them.
whataday9 said:
It sounds like your family dislikes your wife, not the cooking. I completely understand why you stopped attending the dinners, NTA. But you really need to have a conversation with your family on why they are mean to your wife. It is unlikely this behavior will change just because she stopped cooking (They will start criticizing something else aboout her).
Also, NO you DO NOT want your future children surrounded by people who criticize their mom for no reason. You don't want them thinking it is OK for themselves to act like this, or for future partners to treat your children like this.
tootsweete said:
NTA. Your kids won’t be missing much other than the company of toxic relatives who treat their mother poorly yet she is too kind to hold a grudge. Why do some of your family treat her like that? Do they treat all in-laws this poorly?
Key-Article6622 said:
NTA. They don't have a problem with her food, they have a problem with her. You are a very good husband sticking up for your wife and not putting up with that BS. They ruined it for everyone and now they get the consequences.
Start a new tradition that includes showing love and respect for everyone, especially someone who cooks a meal for them. Only include the ones who are real.
VeN0m333 said:
NTA - Feel so bad for your wife, it’s crazy that your family is ok with making you happy if you pretended to cook the food but rather not put a smile on both your wife and yourself for enjoying her cooking. Must be hitting your wife hard, sorry chief. Especially that backtracking, yuck.
Candid-Quail-9927 said:
NTA. Turn this around and ask them how is it that they were raised with manner of pigs and not taught to insult the cook regardless of what was served. Let them know that you are thinking of the future of your kids being exposed to their rude behavior of disrespecting their mother.