'AITA for telling my fiancée to stop being a brat?' 'My mom is not happy.'

"AITA for telling my fiancée to stop being a brat?"

My fiancée and mom are fighting because my fiancée wanted a wedding at this lake in the mountains that she talked about before the engagement. We visited every year and it’s almost tradition to hike up there and camp there and there is more hiking past that point that we make a long weekend of it.

My mom is not happy because she is not fit enough for the hike. Her family is because they are a hikers but my mom has knee issues and is overweight and cannot do anything too difficult. This hike is 6 km to get to the lake and everyone in the wedding party can do it.

My fiancée agreed but then wanted to do it in her aunt’s backyard. Her aunt has the nicest backyard out of the people we know but I wouldn’t say it’s still very nice. She said she was just going to buy some string lights and an arch and do it there.

I have been to the backyard and it’s not bad it just has garden beds and chickens in the corner which my mom isn’t happy with. My mom wants a formal location and is arguing the backyard spot is her punishing her from her first option.

My fiancée denies it and says it’s because she doesn’t want to pay for a ceremony spot and she thinks the backyard is prettiest spot that is free. We looked at some public parks but they get very crowded and renting them is already not an option as they mostly filled up.

My mom found a rental spot in a building with a decorative wall and benches that cost $1200 for 2h rental and is something she felt like is pretty enough for a wedding. This is the cheapest option other than the parks we come across. My fiancée refuses to pay for it even though she agreed to half and told my mom if she wants to dictate the spot she needs to pay for it.

My mom is taking it as her punishing her for not letting the wedding happen at the lake. They are arguing and I think my fiancée and I each paying for half is an easy fix and she is making it difficult for no reason.

She refuses to make any compromises and told my mom if she doesn’t want the wedding at her aunt’s backyard, then she doesn’t have to come. We argued about it as well and I called her a brat because it’s her way or the highway and she called me an ahole. I don’t know why this is such a huge compromise to her but AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Timely_Egg_6827 said:

YTA - your mother has a lot of opinions on a wedding that isn't her's. It was fair enough to veto the lake because of her genuine mobility issues but she's the one that is acting as a brat.

Your fiancée offered a compromise that met the accessability needs and was cheap but it didn't meet your mother's standards. So your mother is telling your fiancée to spend money it seems you don't have to have something good enough.

Tell your mother she had her day when she married your father and to stop spending your fiancée's money for her. Your fiancee has already compromised and I hope she's considering what happens when she and your mother are in dispute because you are talking about her and your money as seperate and taking your mother's side on inconsequential issues.

If you want the "nice" spot then pay for it yourself as the compromise and stop hiding behind your mother.

Kellociraptor19 said:

Super YTA do it in the backyard! Why would you lay $1200 or let anyone pay $1200 for 2 hours that’s an insanely short amount of time for a wedding. She is compromising, she’s compromising on not having her dream venue (the hike) and found a perfect free option.

The only brats here are you and your mother. It’s not your mother’s wedding, not her decision, end of story. Stand by your future wife. Set boundaries with your mother.

Mysterious_Salt_247 said:

The aunt’s backyard was the compromise. Your mom is not getting married. She doesn’t get a say. If I was your fiancee, I would say you learn that lesson real quick or there won’t be a wedding at all. YTA.

StudentModern said:

YTA. Why is your moms's opinion being valued over that over your future wife in this? Paying half is not even a compromise if your future wife doesn't want that wedding there in the first place. Sounds like you just want to keep the peace at the cost of her mental health.

Sarah802 said:

YTA, is it your mom‘s wedding? Her not wanting the hike is fair enough, but other than accessibility the wedding location should be the bride and groom‘s decision. Your mom shouldn‘t be involved and if she wants to decide it‘s more than fair for her to pay. Also where‘s your role in this? Do you have any opinion at all?

Doormatjones said:

YTA. I had you on the first example because that is pretty exclusionary to anyone that can't make the hike (which I suspect is a lot) and accommodation for a disabled (even partially) close family member is a reasonable ask.

So then she came up with an alternate that still meets all her requirements (Sounds like money is a tight issue here; FYI money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce so... take that to heart). You and your mom say it doesn't meet your requirements... but then your requirements are just that you want to force her to spend money? That feels like retribution from you and your mom.

If you and your mom demand the upgrade, you get to pay for the upgrade. Your fiancé has made this clear from the start that she's doing this on the cheap. If that doesn't fly for you, well there's the door.

And...I'll be honest I think it's going to go that way; and I'm not going to lie I was close to ESH on this one with her first idea...But she was willing to compromise within her budget. And with you two already fighting over money I don't think this marriage is going to be a happy one.