'AITA for telling my friend that if she wants her wedding her way she should pay for it?'
"AITA for telling my friend that if she wants her wedding her way she should pay for it?"
My friend's parents are shelling out a frankly mind-blowing amount of cash for her wedding. Before someone says it, yes of course I am jealous (envious? idk), who wouldn't be? She's literally looking at vineyards in Europe. She is going to have the type of wedding many women dream of and could never have.
Her parents have two requirements: she uses a clergy member from the religion she was raised in and the food is made according to their religious dietary rules. Literally nothing else. If she wants to get married on the Good Year blimp while it's parked on mars I'm pretty sure they could make it happen. She just can't have any bacon.
All she does is complain about these restrictions. I was sympathetic at first, because I get she feels kind of trapped in these restrictions for a religion she doesn't really believe in (sometimes she does, she's very wishy washy about it). But after hours and days spent listening to her complain and even cry about it I had enough.
I told her if she wants her wedding totally her way, she should just pay for it. She has the money to have a budget that would be higher then most people's are. She immediately scoffed at the idea. I dropped it.
Once again today she calls me sobbing. She wants a specific food at her wedding but it will have to be made non-traditionally due to dietary restrictions. This is the end of the world, apparently, if your buffet can't have dairy based salad dressings.
The "Kim, there are people dying" meme was playing on a loop in my head. I literally was so done at this point. I told her I couldn't listen to it anymore, call someone else. She got really upset with me. We both said things we shouldn't have.
Now I'm getting texts from my other friends, how dare I do this to the bride?! She's engaged, that means no one can criticize her for the next 14 months apparently, because it's her "special time" and wedding planning (with TWO wedding planners, mind you) is the most stressful thing that's ever happened to anyone. So now I need to apologize. I will say she apologized for calling me a c-word on the phone.
I told her I accept her apology but I'm not going to apologize for what I originally said, only the heated words afterwards (like I said sorry for calling her bridezilla, which is apparently worse then the c-word because that's the thing everyone was focusing on).
Here's the thing, everyone wants to be a bridesmaid and get to stay in whatever Downton Abbey house she chooses. So they're all kissing her a$s, imo. I don't think I'm an ahole for trying to give her some perspective. AITA?
Info from the OP:
She's always been spoiled but never a mean girl, if that makes sense. And she's always seemed very aware that she is very privileged financially, never been a "daddy, I want a squirrel!" type. So yeah it has been kind of shocking how she's transitioned into full bridezilla mode and is in hysterics over salad dressing.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Flobbelob15 said:
Unlimited budget ........or.........bacon. Such an impossible choice. Why can't you understand the dilemma she is facing? A good friend would be there for her, supporting her, while she makes this overwhelming monumental decision. NTA.
mrcoffeeforever said:
While “call someone else” may not have been the most empathetic of responses, you’re NTA for making it clear that you won’t listen to her nonsense.
BRODOOLERINGO said:
NTA. I don't remember sh$t about what I ate at any wedding I've been to. Maybe if it's like Michelin star food I might remember some things, but I wouldn't be ripping out hair because there was no bacon or ranch on my salad. Your friend is being ridiculous and focusing on the wrong things.
You know what I do remember? I remember my loved ones and friends laughing and having fun. I remember the brides and grooms sitting with each other smiling like an 8 year old with $100 at the candy shop. I remember dancing and having a good time. I don't remember the salad.
Mundane_Mistake_3991 said:
NTA and your friend sounds unreasonable. You can apologise for the delivery or phrasing but the message isn’t something to apologize for. I would also be wary about how else the wedding will go, if she is getting this upset about something that minor when it sounds like almost no other boundaries. A bit of perspective is definitely needed.
Asleep-Tank3228 said
NTA she sounds insufferable. Sorry but this may break your relationship with her. Don’t be surprised if you get kicked out of the wedding party though.
hedwigflysagain said:
NTA just block her. And any minion who calls on her behalf. Not your circus, not your monkeys. If at some point she realizes what a bridezilla she is and apologizes, then you can decide if you want to reboot the friendship.
its_deee347 said:
Poor thing and her first world problems. NTA. like you said if she has that many complaints about dietary restrictions then she and the fiance should pay for how they want it. Problem solved