'AITA for telling my friend that I was done inviting her to parties? She's a mooch.'
"AITA for telling my friend that I was done inviting her to parties?"
I, (22-F) throw a lot of dinner parties (like a ton). I LOVE to cook, so I always put food on the table and I'm a pretty good chef I'd say. One of my friends comes to all of them. The problem is? She takes all the leftovers. Istg, every single time that there's a scrap left, she takes it. And I appreciate that she doesn't wanna waste food.
That's not the problem. The problem is: I want some leftovers, too! So, I told her when we were eating this time, hey, "don't take the leftovers, ok?" And she was like, "yeah, sounds good." Fast forward to the end of party. She takes the god damn leftovers.
When I notice later that night, I text her "hey if you can't stop taking the leftovers, I'm not gonna invite you anymore." She says okay. Next time that she comes over for a party, I remind her when we're eating, don't take the leftovers. She says okay. When she's about to leave, I was sitting near the table. Guess what I see: SHE'S TAKING THE LEFTOVERS.
So I tell her that if she couldn't listen to a boundary I set, the clear consequence that I discussed with her was that she would not be invited to any more parties. She said that it wasn't fair that she couldn't have some, and she was only taking a bit this time. I'm not sure if that's true but I told her I didn't want her to take any. She says okay and puts them back.
Fast forward to next time I hosted a party. She isn't invited. Apparently she found out through the grape vine (makes sense, we share quite a few friends) and she got pissed as hell, saying that she put them back and I should have invited her again. I think she might be right. AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
duckingridiculous wrote:
NTA who goes in someone else’s kitchen and takes food (probably in the fridge) without asking. I would never even ask to take leftovers. That’s so rude. I was taught to always take something as a gift to the host like wine or an orchid, or something to share like an appetizer. I was also taught that you never bring these things home. You leave any leftover snacks you brought for the host.
WTH_JFG wrote:
NTA. Do not let her manipulate you into feeling badly about not inviting her to a dinner party. No means no. Why do people have problems with this concept? No means no. No leftovers. Do not take leftovers. I don’t care how much, do not take leftovers.
Did she pay for the food you were preparing? If so, she maybe should get some — but not all — of the leftovers. If she did not pay for any of the groceries, she is not entitled to any of the leftovers. If you want to offer some to her, that would be fine. She does not get to take them. Do not invite her again. Do not let her manipulate you or your friends into inviting her.
Els-09 wrote:
NTA. I've never heard of anyone taking leftovers without asking first, and then to take them after being told to stop? I think she's taking advantage of you and she's only angry because she couldn't mooch more food from you.
cyanidelemone wrote:
NTA.
Please paint the picture. Do you cook in your own dishes and she takes the entire dish? Or you cook in single use trays and she just takes the whole ass tray? What does everyone else think of her taking the food?
NoPoet3982 wrote:
NTA but I'm fascinated by this timeline.
Don't take the leftovers. Says okay. Takes the leftovers.
Don't take the leftovers or you won't be invited anymore. Says okay. Takes the leftovers.
Don't take the leftovers. Argues: Not fair. Only a bit.
Don't take the leftovers. Puts them back.
Isn't invited. I should be invited because after being told to put them back, I argued at first then I put them back.
She ignored your request THREE times! And LIED to you twice! Then argued that in some universe, this isn't fair? Does that even make sense? Then pretends that somehow only taking a bit is the same as not taking any at all?
After the FOURTH time you told her not to take leftovers, she put them back. How can you possibly trust her not to put you through this rigmarole again? You would definitely have to stand guard over the leftovers. You know how I know? She was pissed. Not ashamed. Not apologetic. Not, "Well, she told me 4 times." Not calling you and saying she's sorry and she's finally learned her lesson. No.
She thinks that it's A-okay to take leftovers unless you a) catch her in the act, b) win the ensuing argument, and c) after all that, she puts them back. That means she thinks it's A-okay to do it all over again next time. It's up to you if you want to give her another chance. It doesn't sound like fun.
StyraxCarillion wrote:
NTA, but how exactly did she do that? Are you putting all the leftovers in to-go containers, and she just takes them all with her? She would be taking all your containers home with her. Did she return them?
How does someone get away with taking an armload of someone else's food and storage containers/dishes out the door, with no one saying anything? Why on earth would you think you should invite her again after she grossly disrespected your hospitality multiple times? As reddit loves to say, she FAFO.
EmCeeSuzy wrote:
You are NTA. I've had several experiences recently with people who were wrong and came back complaining that they had been treated badly. I finally realized, that rather than exhausting myself trying to be concilliatory, diplomatic, and kind, it was time to completely ignore them.