'AITA for telling my friends that it’s not my problem they can’t afford things?'

"AITA for telling my friends that it’s not my problem they can’t afford things?"

Looking for some outside opinions on this instead of just hearing from people involved. I (33M - Australia) and my group of friends have been friends since high school. Once we graduated, many of my friends opted to skip a further education to instead work a job in the trade, or dropped out and work in a warehouse/factory. Some still don’t have full time jobs and just job hop between part time work.

Nothing against those jobs, but they were looking for an easy living and didn’t want to spend more time in school. I opted to go through university, while at the same time, I got lucky enough to work in the industry I was studying in. This helped me get a head-start in my career so when i graduated, I already had more experience than the average graduate.

It also meant I was waking up at 5am every day for work and then going to university after, and getting home 9-10pm everyday. Once I graduated and started working, I got a well paying job (80K annually).

This was immediately more than what all my friends were earning, and I immediately started hearing how I “just got lucky with the job,” completely ignoring the years of hard work I had already put in. Young me was just proud to show off my hard work to my friends so I made the mistake of telling them my wage.

Over the years the comments piped down, so I wasnt bothered by them too much anymore. Fast forward to last week, I had my friends over to my newly built home. As of today, I am single, no children or pets, and have drastically increased my wage (while also getting new certifications to keep up with my industry). I’m able to afford a lot of things without struggling, and i do consider myself fortunate.

This was the first time my friends had seen the new house, and the comments started up again, how I’m able to afford a big new house, how I’m lucky, how all I do is sit around all day and get paid lots and so on and so forth. I wanted to show my new achievement of the house off but it made me sour.

The comments wouldnt stop so I snapped, telling them its not my fault they were too lazy to try and make anything of themselves and if they put in any level of effort, they wouldnt have to struggle to go out or buy things for themselves, or keep working low paying jobs. Even to this day I'm still working and studying to get ahead, but they've all barely changed jobs in the 10+ years.

A couple of my friends left because they were angry, a few others stayed around and understood (they weren’t making the comments). Things have been quiet in group chats and plans for Christmas and NYE are up in the air. I’m thinking of apologising to keep the peace, but one of my friends is suggesting I wait to see if they apologise. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Internal_Arm8459 wrote:

YTA what kinda comments did you expect. I think you're still lucky you got where you are, making comments about how they're so much poorer then you because they're lazy is just so out of line.

OP responded:

How am I still lucky? In what aspect that doesn’t completely ignore all the hard work? I never once made any judgement to them in regards to their financial situation, just this one time.

Sassypants2306 wrote:

NTA, but you handled yourself poorly. You should not have made any of the comment about them or their life choices. You should have responded with something like.

"Hey man, you know I also worked my a-- off studying and getting good at doing my job yeah? Please don't discredit all my hard work and putting it purely on luck yeah? Kind of hurtful much?" They would have floundered then...as there's no way out of them looking like an a--hat, and you gave them nothing to complain about in turn.

OP responded:

This was a similar conversation we had early in my career years ago, but definitely could have used it again.

Icy_Strawberry7347 wrote:

ESH. Yeah, you worked hard and your friends should’ve been proud of you, but trade jobs are hard working too, and like you said, you have no spouse or children, which means life is cheaper for you. Your friends might enjoy their jobs and you’re looking down on them. Get the stick out of your butt and apologize, and maybe then they’ll say sorry for saying you don’t work as much.

Apart-One4133 wrote:

You put in work yes, but you still got lucky. My wife went to university and studied much more than me. I never finished my high school. I always made more than her, I got lucky, she didn’t. Most of us all put in a lot of work into what we do. We all need a bit of luck to get trough. A lot of people work hard their entire life, harder than most, and are still poor. Just wanted to leave you on that note.

Did your friends also work hard at their jobs? Why isn’t their hard work recognized by you? If they barely changed jobs in the past 10 yrs, doesn’t that mean they work hard at their job and they’re good at it? I think YTA yes for snapping. If you make tremendously more cash than your friend and you want to show off your belongings, then expect such comment.

Rachslixi wrote:

ESH. You the bigger. Your friends shoudln't have rained on your parade or suggested that you don't work hard. You shouldn't be dissing them either. It sounds like you think everyone who isn't in your position is just lazy. There are a lot of people who busted their arse at university and couldn't get a decent paying job in their field.

You did get lucky in that because of the managing to get work in the industry when you were in uni. Just getting that is huge. And others who for other reasons couldn't and/or can't go back to study later. People aren't poor just because they are lazy. I also think it is a bit out of tune to make a big deal of your purchase with the current state of the housing market.

I'm doing really well when it comes to property but I share that good fortune with those in a similar position because I don't make a big deal of it in front of those who are not. I'm sensitive to the fact many are struggling with rising rents or feel they will never be able to get into the housing market.

Dukklings wrote:

Wow. You invited them to your house to show it off, they were impressed , called you lucky and you insulted them and called them "too lazy to make anything of themselves" ?? Things aren't as simple as " Get a job! Work hard."

Everything in this post screams ostentatious and arrogant. You are definitely in the wrong here. Keep up that kind of attitude and the best possible outcome will be you ending up alone with all your stuff and all your money because you wouldn't stop being insufferable.

Unhappy-Prune4419 wrote:

NAH or ESH - I understand wanting to share your achievements with your friends, but you have to understand it can come of as bragging if they're in a different place than you are in life. I get that you work hard but they also work hard, just in a different way.

They shouldn't have said what they did to you, but this is why most people don't share what they earn with people or sometimes even invite people into their personal space. And you're in your 30s maybe it's time to find some friends outside of just your high school ones.

OP responded:

I didnt feel like it was bragging to have my friends come over to my new house, i did it in more of a celebration kind of way. I’ve not shared my income with them once since the first time i did as i learnt from that mistake.

Aggressive_Cattle320 wrote:

YTA if you are judging them based on their choice to forego higher education. That does NOT mean they are lazy. Many simply can't afford the outrageous costs of college, and weren't born with a silver spoon in their mouths like some others.

It's never a good look to be boastful about all of your good fortunes, then judge that others are lazy or took "the easy way" out, etc. Be glad for what you've been blessed with, but don't look down your nose at others who haven't achieved the same levels as you have.

You are in no place to be making such offensive remarks to others. You are not married and have no children. Good for you, as that means you have more money to spend on you. Most people are turned off by a bragger. I sense that bothers people more than anyone being jealous or envious of you.

OP responded:

Australia further education isnt up front costs, its paid through tax once you earn over a certain threshold. It had nothing to do with costs.