"AITA for telling my gf she should have cleaned the toilet?"
My girlfriend has been struggling to keep a job for a long period of time as a dental assistant. But that hasn’t really been her fault completely.
She’s left/gotten fired from different places simply for not tolerating disrespect (dental industry is very known for being toxic). If there is any disrespect towards her she will immediately call someone out on it, and is not afraid to walk out the building if it gets to the point where she feels like they aren’t treating her how a basic human should be treated.
She’s not afraid to walk out at any point in time. Well, she’s been working as a temp at a dental office for two weeks and it has been going mainly smooth, although there was already a few instances where someone she has no responsibility to listen to was telling her what to do in a degrading way, and she declined. Rightfully so, but it’s situations like this where me and my gf start to differ.
Scenarios like this is where I will suck it up and do it as to not cause an issue so that I can keep working there so I can pay my bills. Her on the other hand would rather not have a job whatsoever than let someone treat/ speak to her that way. Well, today she kicked out the office because she was told to clean the toilet because there wasn’t much to do.
She said absolutely not, as she did not go to school to clean toilets, and that is very degrading towards her as a person and her position. This is where me and her started to argue because I told her she should have just listened so she could keep working because we need the money. She's in debt and I am by no means rich.
I told her she can’t “afford” to demand the respect she deserves/should be getting and unfortunately she should have just sucked it up and do what she was asked because an ego is not worth not being able to afford her bills. On top of that, her not having a job will affect both her parents and me as that’s who she is going to ask to pay for her stuff more often without a job.
She said she couldn’t believe I was okay with her being treated this way and I told her she has a habit of letting her pride and ego get in the way of keeping a job. I said it’s definitely not how she should be getting treated but it’s not worth being jobless over.
She couldn’t believe I felt this way and went to the extreme and told me she’ll never ask me to pay for anything again which is definitely not what my point was. Please tell me if I am wrong or am AH in any way.
Edit: they have a weekly janitorial service I forgot to mention.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
annebonnell wrote:
There's nothing degrading or disrespectful about cleaning a toilet even with a weekly Janitorial service. It's something that needs to be done. A public toilet should be cleaned every day. Your girlfriend thinks too much of herself and she is an arrogant snob. I hope you two live in a very big city because she's going to run out of places to get a job.
HoldFast02 wrote:
NTA. You know the saying? "If you meet an asshole in the morning, you've met one asshole. If everyone you meet during the day is an asshole, then the problem is actually you." If your GF keeps walking out of jobs, then it's likely the problem is less with the toxic mentality in her industry, and more with her attitude. You should not be forced to keep subsidizing that.
Tipsy_Gamer wrote:
NTA. It's always been my experience that jobs expect everyone to do "additional duties as assigned." I've gotten job descriptions and offer letters that had that language. I am more educated than your gf, and I would have cleaned the toilet (unless there was some actually wild context).
I have cleaned the toilet in similar situations: nothing to do, don't want to send people home since we have later appointments, let's deep clean the office. It's degrading to her AS A PERSON? That's incredibly insulting to the person who cleans that toilet weekly. Does she refuse to do chores at home, citing that she's a special princess who is too good to clean?
Honestly, I'd wager that a lot of the "she won't tolerate disrespect" is this exact kind of nonsense. I don't tolerate disrespect either, and I've left 3 jobs in ~20 years because of it. What are her stats? Also, how is not paying for her offensive to you? She gets away with this because you and her parents pay for her.
Efficient_most_539 wrote:
NTA, she needs to grow up. Having that short of a fuse and not willing to put up with shit to pay bills is a huge sign of immaturity.
Sure, if you have jobs lined up, walk out and quit. But all of that is going to fall to you. Why are you with this person?
Very-last-boyscout wrote:
NTA. I agree, respect is very important. But so is being able to pay rent and bills and afford food and other necessities.
Btw, if your girlfriend "has been struggling to keep a job for a long period of time" and "she’s left/gotten fired from different places simply for not tolerating disrespect", maybe, just maybe, she isn't just unlucky, but a big part of her own problem? What are the chances of all of her bosses and coworkers at all of jobs being intolerably disrespectful? Am I the only one, who can see a pattern here?
Traditional-trade795 wrote:
Brother if you cant keep a single job, its usually not on the jobs, its on the person. She will call any disrespect? is she the ultimate objective judge of whats respect and whats disrespect? or is she just being pedantic, standoffish or generally uncomfortable to be around with.
And with that personality, why go into an industry apparently notorious for being toxic? setting herself up to fail much? Cleaning toilets is degrading to her? nope brother, SHE is degrading to people cleaning toilets to keep a roof over their heads and food on the plates of their children.
And lastly. Respect is earned, not demanded for existing. She was an intern and is picking fights for christs' sake, the privilege is hurting my brain. She needs to learn to deal with the consequences of her actions and see if being homeless suits her better because thats what you get for not working. NTA - move on bro, you deserve better.