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'AITA for telling my GF to choose me or her BFF?' BFF finds post and shares her side. MAJOR UPDATES

'AITA for telling my GF to choose me or her BFF?' BFF finds post and shares her side. MAJOR UPDATES


When a guy shared about a conflict regarding his GF and her best friend on "Am I the A**hole?" he probably didn't expect his GF's best friend to find the post and share her side of the story. But that's exactly what happened! Life is full of surprises, and the internet is public. Two indisputable facts.

"AITA For Telling My Girlfriend to Choose Me or her Best Friend?"

Here's his original post:

My girlfriend (25F) and I (26M) have been together for four years. She's been best friends with her friend (also 25F) since middle school. Before I came into the picture they were attached at the hip and then the BFF got jealous of how often my girlfriend and I were together.

For our entire relationship she's been manipulative of my girlfriend and not at all understanding especially when my girlfriend cancels plans with the BFF to hang out with me. She has also said repeatedly that I'm abusive and controlling even though she exclusively dates guys who are AHs. It all came to a head tonight when we were all out together.

The BFF was going on and on about her new job and my girlfriend finally interrupted to talk about our vacation instead. The BFF got upset and asked if my girlfriend even knew where she worked because my girlfriend "was never around anymore." The BFF started crying in the middle of a bar about how her feelings get hurt when my girlfriend cancels on their plans or doesn't reply to texts.

I had enough and asked why she was so obsessed with my girlfriend and our relationship and always needs to lie to get attention (about me being controlling). Then her blowhard boyfriend got involved and threatened me with physical violence.

Everyone split up after that and the BFF texted my girlfriend to try to manipulate her some more by saying sorry she started the fight and saying she wanted some space for awhile. My girlfriend started crying about how much it all upsets her and after four years I was just kind of tired of it and told her that she needed to choose between me and the BFF.

She got upset with me and told me that she couldn't choose between us and it wasn't fair to ask her to even though the BFF is always starting drama. AITA here or is the BFF just a psycho?

Most commenters agreed, "YTA." Here are some of the comments:

MoonMacabre said:

YTA. What makes you think you have the right to give your girlfriend an ultimatum because you don’t like her best friend? Her best friend is right. When you make plans with someone and then ditch them for your boyfriend even once that’s bad, but over and over again? Is she ditching the plans because maybe you’re the manipulator here? You don’t seem like a reliable narrator at all.

BoredAgain0410 said:

YTA - your girlfriend canceling plans to hang out with you is a dick move. That’s not BFF being manipulative. Her apologizing is also not being manipulative. If that’s how you describe the situation, I wonder if BFF is right about you being controlling.

In a twist, the "psycho" BFF found his post. Mere hours after he posted it, she responded to share her version of the story:

YTA Jake. Until now I've been a casual reader of this sub, but after reading this one I had to make an account and reply because I'm fairly certain I'm part of this friend circle and witnessed this all go down last night. Everyone is right that you are the most unreliable narrator who left out so many details. Let me clear those up.

First, we all asked about her new job and wanted to hear all the details. She's so excited about it because it's her dream job, which your GF knows. That girl worked her ass off to get it, so she gets to talk as much as she wants about it. You two don't like hearing about anything that isn't about yourselves (specifically about you, Jake).

Second, your GF has never known how to balance a boyfriend with healthy friend relationships. I've known them both since college. She's insecure, immature, and self-centered. That's how you're able to control her. The only reason you two get invited anywhere anymore is because her BFF and her boyfriend insist it would be rude not to invite her. Because you're a package deal, we're stuck with you, too.

Third, you were never threatened with "physical violence." You're a 6'4 dude who got in a crying girl's face to scream at her and her boyfriend told you to back up and put himself in between the both of you. Fourth, she was only crying because you were calling her names. This also isn't the first time you've called her names. You literally called her a psycho in your post.

Fifth, YOU make your girlfriend cancel on this poor girl at least 1-2 a month. I've seen the texts from your GF cancelling because you came up with some bullshit about how you don't get enough time with her.

Sixth, she only calls you a controlling asshole because you are one. You convinced your GF to stop talking to her for a period of time when she was very depressed and suicidal because you said her being suicidal was also manipulation.

Seventh, if anyone is manipulative in that friendship it's your GF. I've also seen the texts where she told her BFF not to text her while she's with you (at your request), not to expect a response from her because she "doesn't deserve one," and not to get upset when she cancels because she "isn't owed any time." The girl apologizes so much because your GF has her convinced she's a bad person/needy/clingy.

Lastly, Jake, if this is you, and I really don't see how it couldn't be unless there are two AH guys who think they're related to Tony Stark and went off on their GF's BFFs in a bar last night, the entire friend group agrees YTA. I'll be sending them all screenshots of this post.

The boyfriend responded:

Mind your own business because you don't know the half of what goes on.

And the two proceeded to have this back-and-forth in the comments:


Buddy, you made it the world's business lol. Now you're mad you (A) got caught and (B) got pegged as the AH. If you want to talk about it text me because I'm not about to fight with you on here.


I don't get why you had to come on here and start drama. I was just venting because this always happens when we get together as a group. She goes nuts, he gets all big and tough and you stick your nose where it doesn't belong


First, you're the one who posted to start drama. Second, good thing it's Sunday because you need some quality time with Jesus. And a therapist. Third, YOU WERE NEVER THREATENED. You picked a fight with a girl who's a foot shorter than you and her boyfriend told you to stop. Period. End of story. Everyone stay tuned for Jake's next post: AITA for lying on Reddit and getting caught?

Then the girlfriend's friend clarified some details:

He was never threatened. He was in this girl's face berating her when her boyfriend stepped in between and told him to back off. That's it. They left right after that because she was upset and nobody could have fun after that.

Someone asked GFF for updates and she responded:

1.) I talked to her BFF after I saw this post, and she gave me permission to share anything needed to clear things up. She's really embarrassed that now there wasn't just a public argument, but it was published to thousands of people on the internet even if her name isn't attached to it. She's a genuinely kind person who had a rough period in her life 2-3 years ago.

Thankfully she's in a better place emotionally now than she was back then. OP wasn't wrong about how often she apologizes, but she's not doing it to manipulate anyone. She actually thinks that she's to blame for these types of situations when they occur because OP and his GF tell her that she's to blame.

From what I understand, she's firm in her decision to take some time away from OP's girlfriend. She thinks that's the best thing for her mental health right now, so obviously everyone will support her.

As for the girlfriend, she does deserve better than OP. He's a very controlling and jealous guy. She's not assertive at all and has a lot of her own problems which makes it easy for him to assert this level of control over her. I don't think she's a bad person at all, but she has always gotten her self worth through having a boyfriend and that shows in her actions.

A lot of our friends are just done with having that level of toxicity in the friend group, but her BFF and her BFF's boyfriend always advocate on the GF's behalf so that she's not totally isolated and keeps being invited to everything.

2. You know I sent screenshots and a link to this mess. She isn't talking to any of us right now (including Jake) because of it.

A day after the boyfriend shared his original post, the girlfriend's friend shared this major update:

The BFF mentioned in this post is fine. I told her that everyone is on her side, which has made her feel a little better about it. She's in a really good place in her life right now and is grateful for anyone who's reached out.

The GF is now single. This post and the backlash from everyone, including her mom, made her realize that he was such a shitty guy. I know some people were worried about domestic violence, but she's staying with people right now (clearly I'm not going to say who because Jake's probably still lurking). She knows that people are here if she wants to talk.

Not sure where their friendship stands right now, but that's for them to work out while everyone else supports them. Jake (OP) has been blocked on all social media by basically everyone. Hopefully he finds himself a good therapist.

Thank you to everyone who has commented/messaged/reached out. You're all amazing people for caring about two girls you don't even know. Keep standing up for those who need it. This isn't an uncommon situation, so don't be afraid to reach out if you need help or you think someone needs help.

Sources: Reddit
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