'AITA for telling my girlfriend I will break up with her if she doesn’t shave?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my girlfriend I will break up with her if she doesn’t shave?"
For context I (25M) and my girlfriend (23F) have been together for a year almost 2. When we first got together it was great, I had literally no complaints about her and something I even told her early on the relationship during a conversation about our likes and dislikes that I don’t find body hair on women attractive.
What I mean by body hair, I’m only talking about the armpits and legs. Everything else I don’t care. I told her I don’t mind stubble or just a little bit of growth but full blown long leg and armpit hair I don’t find attractive at all. She didn’t mind that I had that preference because she told me she doesn’t like the sensation of body hair on her.
Well recently she started growing out her body hair. Her armpits and legs almost look like mine now. I’ve asked her multiple times about it, not to remove it straight up but why has she been growing it out, and which she said she saw a TikTok about body positivity and it made her feel more confident.
I tried to like it, but I can’t. It doesn’t look good. I finally told her straight up that I don’t find it attractive. She didn’t like that, and said she doesn’t want me to be like “one of those men." I told her if she doesn’t shave I’m going to break up since I don’t find her attractive because of this. Let’s just say she got extremely pissed off, that I’m never gonna find a woman that shaves daily for me. AITA?
EDIT:
I thought I’d add some more info since some people trying to twist it. I never said shave daily. I even said in the post I don’t care about some body hair. She had her leg and armpit hair grown out for months all the while I’m asking her about it. It’s extremely long and not taken care of, and I cannot be forced to like it lol. I did not straight up told her I was going to break up with her, this was after multiple attempts of me trying to ask her about it and saying I was not attracted to it.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
lynnlugg7777 said:
NAH. You two are growing up and maturing, so you both will change. Time to move on. You’ll find someone who shaves, and she’ll find someone who accepts her for who she is. Good luck to you both.
FoxXxTwoMissile said:
NAH, she can have hair, you can walk away.
Own_Psychology_5916 said:
If you don’t like it sure leave but yta for trying to leverage it as a threat to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do, and if that’s a big enough thing for you to end the relationship it’s probably for the best it’s over. Hopefully she finds someone that values her
catsTXn420 said:
Yta. This relationship was doomed long before you posted here OP. If body hair is the line its not love and you both should move on. LOTS of changes occur with both males and females throughout life...there's hair loss, weight gain, wrinkles, sagging skin, libido fluctuations, erectile dysfunction.
Your relationship has to be based on something much deeper in order to overcome these things TOGETHER. She deserves a partner that will have her back regardless of how hairy it is.
SirRevolutionary1299 said:
NTA - you can break up with people for whatever reason you want. YTA - for trying to force a shaving routine on someone. I don’t know that you understand the amount of work and effort it takes for you to “feel attracted” based on lack of hair.
At the end of the day, if you’re with someone then hair really shouldn’t stand in the way. It’s an awfully shallow position to take and even worse if you’re trying to force it and make someone bend to it.
Ms-Unhelpful said:
YTA. If you can't even handle body hair, how are you going to handle being with a woman as her appearance naturally declines with age? Or if she becomes seriously ill and is unable to take care of herself?
Something tells me this relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway. Do her a favour and break up with her. She would do well to free up her schedule so that she can find a man who actually loves and respects her.
After reviewing the feedback, OP provided a FINAL EDIT:
I looked through the majority of comments, I understand that I am an ahole. I decided to break it off with her. She did not take it lightly, decided to insult me and threatened to break my stuff. She ended up leaving though after some time, to stay at her mom’s house.
I didn’t realize at the time it was f'd up of me to give her an ultimatum about this, so I deserved the insults. Thanks for the judgments though, changed my view on this sort of topic, but I’d thought it would be a good thing for the both of us to move on from each other.