'AITA for telling my girlfriend to just let me watch a movie? She always talks through it.'

"AITA for telling my girlfriend to just let me watch a movie?"

You know that thing where you come home and tell each other about your day? My girlfriend has this habit of only doing it when I'm trying to pay attention to something else. I come home, she doesn't talk about anything. We do the chores that need doing, I try to start conversation while doing them and she barely responds.

We make dinner together in complete silence, if I try to initiate conversation she just gives me one word answers or huh huhs. Again she says nothing about her day. We sit down and have dinner and eat I'm complete silence.

Again, she barely responds when I try to start a conversation. Then after dinner we sit down to relax a bit, I wait to see if she wants to talk about anything but she's just scrolling through her phone. So then I start watching a movie or a show and THEN, as soon as it starts, suddenly she starts telling me all about her day.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't put on a movie just for background noise, if I'm watching a movie then I am watching it, that's it. I'm trying to pay attention to the movie and she's rambling on about what happened at work, what she needs from the supermarket, what her dad said on the phone, what she needs to do tomorrow, what happened with her sister and on and on and on.

And then she gets mad when I only give her one word replies like she gives me. I've asked her before why she doesn't talk during dinner but she just got angry and never explained.

So yesterday we start watching a movie, and like usual she starts talking and not paying any attention, and then she starts complaining that the movie doesn't make any sense and she's not understanding the story. I told her it would make sense if she was paying attention and she got mad and said that I only care about movies and don't care about what she has to say.

I tried again to tell her that I always try to start conversations with her but she never engages, and only starts talking after I've already started doing something else. She said I never talk about anything interesting, so I told her her work stories aren't interesting either. Now she's mad and giving me the silent treatment. AITA for telling my girlfriend to let me watch a movie instead of talking through it?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

JeepersCreepers74 wrote:

NTA. I'm sure I'll get downvoted for overanalyzing internet strangers based on limited data, but I suspect GF only values your attention if she feels she has stolen it away from something else. It's a manifestation of insecurity. She can go to therapy to deal with this. OR, you could start playing movies, podcasts, whatever during chores and dinner to get the conversation going.

LonelyOwl68 wrote:

NTA. Sounds like you give her plenty of chances to tell you all about everything and she ignores them, only to start to talk when you start doing something on your own. If she's as consistent with this behavior as you say, it sounds like she's doing it with malice aforethought.

It has to be really frustrating, especially after you asked her why she does it and didn't get an answer. Maybe she's trying to keep your attention on her, instead of a movie or whatever else you are watching? She's also trying to shift the blame back on you, by saying you don't talk about anything interesting. (That's an insult, btw).

When you said the same thing about her topics, she's now mad and not talking at all. In other words, she's mad at you, because you told her the same thing about her, that she said about you.

It does sound like something she's doing on purpose, which makes it even more annoying. Can you maybe try wearing headphones to watch your movie? I'm thinking it might be easier to ignore her if you are wearing them.

The bottom line here, though, is that neither of you are finding the other's topics of choice very interesting or engaging. You might want to put some thought into that if you are considering making her an even larger part of your life. People need to be at least somewhat interested in what their partner is doing and saying, or there is not much point in being together at all.

kurokomainu wrote:

NTA I see a couple of red flags here. Her always choosing this time to talk to you seems to be for whatever reason deliberate.

Her calling what you want to talk about not interesting as her reason for blowing you off and not chatting at other times is also unnecessarily rude. I suspect there's something going on with her where she is messing with you even if it's subconsciously motivated. This being the case, I doubt there is a purely practical solution.

I could be off base, but one possibility that popped into my head is that she only wants to talk at you and actually prefers you to be partially distracted so you aren't initiating topics from your side. Perhaps she selfishly wants it to be all about her talking and you listening and replying to her.

Far_Quantity_6133 wrote:

NTA. Your girlfriend is playing a very weird emotional game with you, and I don’t understand the point of it. It’s like she’s almost testing you, to see if you’ll prioritize her stories over whatever you’re watching.

Maybe she isn’t used to direct communication and this is her way of feeling “paid attention to,” but it’s not healthy and it’s definitely immature. You don’t have to deal with this and I think you should try and set a direct boundary with her and see how she reacts.

Imaginary-Brick-2894 wrote:

Hi, OP. I do not know if you have the patience to scroll through all the answers until you get here, but I have another perspective to share. When we were first married, my husband was exactly like your girlfriend. He wouldn't talk when we got home because there are things to get done: let the dog out, make dinner, change clothes, you know the rest.

He didn't talk at dinner either. Sure enough, I go to watch something and he starts talking! Here is where it's different. It turns out my husband is ADHD. He didn't talk doing chores because he had to concentrate very hard to remember all the things he needed to do.

The TV was like white noise to him. It allowed him to remember to talk to me. Of course, I'm like you. Watching a show or movie is my time! The week he started the meds for ADHD, he started talking on the way home from work! I am in no way diagnosing your girlfriend. Just keep an open mind about what might be happening in her mind. I know just how frustrating it is!