'AITA for telling my husband to return a puppy?' 'The kids were all excited.'
"AITA for telling my husband to return a puppy?"
My husband and I are in our mid-40s and have been married 15 years. Two kids 14 and 11. A couple of years ago our senior dog died. Since then, we’ve talked about getting another dog but maybe when the kids graduate high school.
Dogs are a huge commitment and I have no time. Kids activities 7 nights a week, and I work two jobs (50 hours total). Husband has a full time job too, but works from home three days a week.
Yesterday, I came home to a “surprise.” A puppy. I felt angry because I made it clear I did not want a dog. The kids were all excited. He said it was my birthday gift. I pushed back and said dogs are a family decision, and I felt that he disrespected me. He flew into a rage, threatened separation, and spent the night elsewhere.
He came home today and I apologized for suggesting he got the dog because he wanted it, rather than a heartfelt gift. I told him he needs to return the dog. Am I the ahole? He mentioned separation again and that I treat him like sh^%.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BoredofBin said:
You are NTA for not wanting the dog, as it's a huge commitment. You didn't ask for it and your husband didn't consider your opinion on it. However I do have a question - Why would your husband threaten separation twice, over a non-issue?
Why would he mention that you treat him like sh%$? Because this isn't just about the dog, you two have serious issues and need to work on those, if there is any hope for this marriage to survive.
OrangeCubit said:
NTA - if it truly was a gift he would be apologetic he missed the mark so badly. It clearly was not a gift for you, it was something he wanted and opted to do without agreement or consultation. You clearly are not in a position to appropriately care for a puppy and his reaction is concerning. If he wants to separate over this I have to ask, would you be better off...?
okpineapplez said:
NTA for the dog situation...but...There is a whole lot of stuff missing. Nobody threatens separation that deep into a relationship and voices him feeling you treat him like sh$% for no reason. Regarding what hes saying, it aint about the dog...this seems like the final straw amongst a lot that you aren't mentioning.
Kaynico said:
NTA - it wasn't a gift to you, it was another burden placed on you under the guise of being for you. But ever heard the phrase "don't threaten me with a good time?" What is the real downside to him leaving?
You're working two jobs and handle all the children's activities, and presumptively manage the household based on his juvenile behavior. He didn't only disrespect you, but he lashed out in anger and threw a toddler sized temper tantrum over being told NO. Let him run home to mommy, your life will get a thousand times easier to manage without having to tiptoe around his whining.
applebum8807 said:
Not sure if there is other shit going on that makes him want to separate or claim you treat him like sh$%, but in this specific conflict with the puppy NTA. Pets are always a joint decision, and you genuinely cannot take on a pet right now.
whynotbecause88 said:
NTA. Bringing home a puppy when your household is so busy was a jerk move on his part. If he wants to separate over this, make sure he takes the dog with him.
Worth-Season3645 said:
NTA…as far as puppy is concerned. Pawning puppy off as your birthday gift is wrong. Basically, husband and kids want a dog, let’s get one for mom as a gift and it will be her responsibility. I would keep the puppy, (because, well, a puppy!), but care would fall on dad and kids.
Feeding, walks, training, etc. But you are not wrong for your opinion either, because we all know who will eventually end up caring for the dog. But your husband saying he will separate if he does not get his way? My butt would be saying, there is the door. Don’t let it hit you on the way out. What ever else is going on needs to be addressed.
Blueberry-Jam-23 said:
You don't want a dog. He got you a dog for your birthday despite knowing you don't want a dog. He is now threatening separation because...you don't want to keep the gift that you didn't want. NTA, but you got way bigger issues.