Spinach dip mishap leads wife to demand hubby 'stop eating like hes never seen food before.'
"AITA for telling my husband to stop eating like hes never seen food before?"
Apart_Following7014
I'll try to make this short, but don't judge just off the title. I(29f) went out for dinner with husband (28m) last night - nothing fancy just a chain sports bar - and it being a Friday, the place was packed. We sit, place our order, and we're catching up on the day everything is going fine.
When the waitress brought out our appetizer, my husband grabs about 4 decent sized tortilla chips and scoops an actual mountain of spinach dip with them and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. And when I say shoved I mean SHOVED his fingers in his mouth with the food.
By the time I'd had 3 chips with some dip the entire rest of the appetizer was gone so I was already irked and embarrassed because of course people were staring at us.
I said as much to him and when he said he didn't see what he was doing wrong, I told him "you're acting like you've never seen food before, it's embarrassing." He didn't say another word to me after that, and has barely spoke to me today either.
I don't think I'm the AH for telling him I was embarrassed by how he was eating and annoyed that most of the appetizer was eaten by him, but I may have taken it too far with the last comment.
For further context no, this isn't the first time this has happened. I've told him multiple times it's embarrassing when he does this and asked him why so I can try to help or at least understand a bit better.
It's only at this specific chain and his answer always is either I don't know or that he "really loves the spinach dip" they have. He also does this at home but I don't really care when he's at home.
I'm not going to dictate how he acts in the privacy of our house. Also to note because I'm sure people may ask, no he did not grow up in a food insecure household, they weren't rich but not struggling that much.
And neither are we struggling now. No there is no history with an eating disorder either in him or his family.
With all that said, AITA?
**Edit because people keep asking the same questions so just for clarity:
Yes I have had this same conversation before with him in much nicer ways and usually in private. He actively knows I hate when he eats like that.
Yes he eats like this at home - but never when there are people over and not when we go to other peoples homes. I don't give him shit over it because I'm not gonna police what he does when he's in private. No I'm not going to divorce him over this. I know in my head this is one of very few things we argue about.
Is it annoying? Yes. But it's a wild take to tell me to divorce my husband over it. We continue to go to this place because it's a cheap, convenient option for when he has a super late shift (gets out at 11 or later) because it is 5 minutes from our house and is one of the few places open at that time No my husband was/is not in the military.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
www-kickapuppy-com
I would be grumpy about barely getting any appetizer, like manners aside it's just rude to hog the whole thing? I would say NTA - while I am skeptical that people were jaw-dropped staring at him eat, part of being partners is compromising; you don't mind him eating that way at home, and in return he can be more respectful and display proper etiquette in public settings.
The OP responded here:
Apart_Following7014
Of course, obviously they weren't mouth agape staring at him, but there were a couple that were watching him.
WomanMouse9534
My husband has what he calls his "public eating speed". Then we're all happy and he doesn't embarrass me. He can scarf at home as much as he wants. Something he's learned, is to pre-eat before going to other people's houses, or even to restaurants.
As far as eating so fast that he leaves nothing for me, I split things immediately when we get them. So he is welcome to eat his half, but he better not think about touching my half. This has been especially useful with desserts.
pittsburgpam
NTA... and I would seriously consider filming him to show him how he really acts. Does he not realize what he's doing? That's really bizarre, to be shoveling food into his mouth. It's not like he's running out the door to be somewhere on time while trying to eat.
Glittering_Search_41
NTA. Barbaric table manners are a huge turn-off to just about anyone.
Remote-Physics6980
NTA - this is a hard boundary for me, I do not like having to fight over food. Part of being married is being a team and part of being a team is not taking food out of your teammates mouth.
Mock26
NTA. Your husband sounds like he has zero table manners and is deficient in social manners, too. Just stop going out to dinner with him, and when he asks you why you no longer go out to dinner, tell him exactly why.
curiouslycaty
Does he eat like this at home too? Does he eat too infrequently that he ends up starving? Does he have blood sugar issues? (For the last one if your sugar drops quickly you tend to feel like you need to get something in your body fast to stop feeling so physically ill).
Again, the OP responded:
Apart_Following7014
He does eat like this at home but as I said if that's how he wants to eat in the privacy of his own space then that's how he eats. Only when it's just us or just him - if we have company he doesn't eat like that.
I don't think he eats too infrequently but obviously I'm not around him 24/7 so I don't see how he eats (or if he eats) while he or I are at work. I do know that most days both of us skip breakfast, or just have something small.
But apart from that he's eating almost constantly. He always has some kind of snack either in his hand or within arms reach including before we went to dinner last night. No blood sugar issues.
I work in our GPs office and I'm on his hipaa, so I keep very good track of his blood work because I have an aunt who died from undiagnosed diabetes, so I'm Very careful with that.
HollyGoLately
NTA one of my ex’s eating habits got so bad that I couldn’t even eat around him anymore because the experience made me feel sick. Ramming food in his face noisily half chewing it before noisily forcing himself to swallow the half chewed food while ramming the next bite in.
He’d occasionally have to stop to catch his breath and after he’d inhaled everything he’d be panting looking round with crazy eyes like he desperately needed more food. Calling it out before it gets worse is the right thing to do.