Dad tells son he's welcome to move out if he has a problem his eating his food. AITA?
"AITA for telling my kid he is welcome to move out if he has a problem with me eating his food."
Relative_Start_1572
My son lives with me to save money while he is just starting out after college. He has a full time job which pays him rather well. He probably earns 1/3 of what I do but I have been at my job a long time and I am not entry level.
He helps out around the house and he helps his mom with errands and such. One of the things he helps with is Costco runs. My wife likes to have him along because then he can do all the heavy lifting.
I like when he goes because then I do not have to do the heavy lifting. I guess last time they went he saw some instant ramen and added it to the cart. Not really a big deal.
Yesterday I was up late and I was peckish. I went into the pantry and saw the ramen. There were six bowls so I took one and made some up with cold roast chicken, fresh green onions, and a couple of soft boiled eggs.
My son saw the bowl in the garbage and went off on me for eating his food. I thought he was joking so I told him to knock it off. But it turns out that he was serious. He was screaming at me over some $2 ramen. My wife heard or fight and came to see what was up.
She tried to placate him by saying she would go to Costco and get some more. This is when I found out the price $12 for 6 bowls. I took out my wallet and tried to give him $2 for his bowl of food that I stole. My wife said I was being ridiculous since she had paid for them.
I must admit that this set me off. The little jacka$$ was yelling at me for eating food that I paid for. My wife does not work. When the kids were little we decided that she would be a stay at home mom and I would work my a$$ off to provide.
She worked amazingly hard to keep us up and running when I was starting out in my career and she deserves her time now. So when I say she does not work I mean it. We have a lady who comes by and does the cleaning and laundry.
My wife makes maybe two meals a week, by her own choice. I pay a meal prep company for most of our meals and I like to cook fresh food for myself and the family as well on the weekends. And quite obviously we have easy cook meals from the store.
I asked him if he was really so petty that he was upset with me for eating something I paid for. He said his mom had bought it for him. I said that she used our money, not his to pay for it.
He said that didn't matter and that I should have asked. I could not take it any more and I said he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff if he was going to be such an a$$h0l3.
At that point he shut up because I think he realized he really messed up. He said he was sorry and that he did not mean it. He went to his room and shut the door. My wife said I was an a$$h0l3 to threaten him with kicking him out over some ramen.
I said he was being a disrespectful prick and he was lucky I did not follow through. She is still mad at me but my daughter, who is 6 years younger than my son, says that I am right and that she is always getting yelled at for touching "his" food. Which I pay for...
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
You're NTA. The food was not even his, so having tantrum because you ate one lousy bowl of ramen was wildly inappropriate and rude.
"he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff if he was going to be such an a$$h0l3."
Yep. And that does not to equate to:
"My wife said I was an asshole to threaten him with kicking him out over some ramen."
No, you did not threaten to kick him out over ramen. You told him to make a choice between stopping with the disrespectful, A-H behavior, or finding another place to live.
"She tried to placate him by saying she would go to Costco and get some more."
Good grief, your wife needs to stop coddling her adult son. He is out of college, so he is at least 22 years old? He's behaving like a 3 year old who was denied a lollipop.
The OP responded:
Relative_Start_1572
He's 24.
Current_Barracuda_58
Holy moley!! He's freaking 24!!!!! I'M 24!!! Even when I was living with my parents not too long ago, I was buying all my own food still! And I definitely would never argue with my parents over food they bought!!! Does he have a job? Is he in school? Is he contributing anything to his own welfare?
Terribly_comfortable
why do i have the feeling this is the tip of the iceberg between OP and his son? and that that explosion didn't just come about over the ramen....
danangdaenerys
Yeah, I agree. He is entitled to eat food from a family grocery run paid for by him, but there's something about OP's tone that feels like this is the tip of the iceberg. OP might technically be in the right here, but his behavior is concerning. In one argument, he describes his son as a "little jackass", "petty", an "a$$h0l3" and "a disrespectful prick":
I know his son is an adult and responsible for his own actions, but it feels like he's merely mirroring his father's reactivity and behavior, and his father is bristling at a mirror being held up to his own face.
green_ribbon
you're not wrong I guess but I don't like you.
lostalldoubt86
NTA- If he is old enough to be out of school and have a job, he is old enough to buy his own ramen. Yelling at everyone for eating food he did not pay for as an adult is childish.