'AITA for telling my MIL I wasn't with her son for citizenship? She was testing me.'

"AITA for telling my MIL I wasn't with her son for citizenship?"

I (25F) met my fiancé(27M) three years ago. Now after a while, he proposed to me and it was literally the happiest day of my life. He met my parents a year ago and they get along really well. He does not have a good relationship with his parents at all and he has not seen them in a while. He does call them sometimes but I have never been properly introduced to them. It was always a touchy subject for him.

Now that we are getting married, there was no excuse and I had to go over to meet his parents finally and formally invite them to the wedding. The moment we arrived, his parents seemed to have an issue with me. For context I am Singaporean and moved to the U.S fifteen years ago. The entire time I always saw them shooting each other glances and kept calling me Chinese even though I am not.

This really upset me and my fiancé was upset too so he confronted them about it. They immediately started saying that they thought that I was only with him for his citizenship and even called me a gold digger. They said "she is one of those Chinese girls looking for a way in." I was so offended.

He was talking back to them and I just snapped and told that I did not want a US citizenship because I had a Singaporean passport which is literally the most powerful passport in the world. I told them that they were being racist and disrespecting me and my culture and never once addressing me directly. I told them that did not want them at the wedding and basically stormed out.

My fiancé did not have a problem with it and kept telling me that he was sorry for how rude they were to me. Now some of his other family members are saying that I was being really disrespectful when I thought that they were in the wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have lost my temper like that but i don't know. AITAH?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Rheny_Cauliflower_43 wrote:

NTA. You were absolutely justified in your reaction. You FIL were incredibly rude, racist and disrespectful. You are not required to tolerate that kind of treatment ??

Mysterious_nomad wrote:

Definitely NTA. The audacity of his parents to say such cruel and horribly offensive things right to your face speaks volumes as to why your fiance doesn't have a good relationship with them. And now the rest of his family are acting like flying monkeys to the narcissists and trying to guilt trip you to think that you're in the wrong?!

Cut the whole family off! There is absolutely no excuse for that disgusting behavior. Not a single one of them deserves to be at your wedding, or in your life.

No_Satisfaction_6797 wrote:

What you experienced, my mother (Korean) experienced over 50 years ago and worse. It has never changed. The “Go back to your country”, “Grow thicker skin” evil, racist stupidity surrounds us. I am glad it is now out in the open for all to see and we can collectively speak out about it.

Thankfully, my father disowned most of his family after my grandmother socked me for not calling a black person the “N-word” when I was very little. I would never say that after all of the things I was called.

SportySue60 wrote:

NTA. Totally justified in your actions…I am guessing now we know why your fiance didn’t want you to meet his parents. He knows they are racist and was hoping that you wouldn’t’ change your mind about him after you met them.

Mundane-Dottie wrote:

NTA. Maybe your fiance could have talked to them earlier and told them that you are not a gold digger and all his friends agree on this and they must be very polite towards you. But maybe even this would not work on them.

Beingforthetimebeing wrote:

Well, they are on another level AHs, and I understand your shock at being so very disrespected, but I think it's very bad of you to threaten to exclude parents from your wedding.

This just reinforces a schism that already existed in a family. Since BF didn't introduce you in 3 years, it might have been a shock to them, and they might be worried that the engagement is a decision made in haste.

Why didn't your fiancé step up and tell them why he loves you, and ask them to take time to get to know you and see the truth of your love? Even many AH racists come around when the grandchildren arrive!

Family ties are very important, and children benefit greatly from a relationship to an extended family. As a wife, you could help your husband mend or build his relationship with his parents. Morality is not about how other people act, it's about how you are going to act. If they are truly toxic, then set boundaries, but let it be on them, not you, to act badly. How did I learn these lessons?

My sister excluded my toxic mother and the younger brothers and sisters from her wedding, (which my mother disapproved of, rightly) and it was the major trauma of my childhood. It caused us to be isolated from the extended family for 20 years. I suggest you apologize, and your fiancé step up in this effort. Respect for elders, and the value of family are core values.

Sunnylittlefuexle wrote:

NTA that’s BS behavior. I am sorry you meeting them went so poorly. But on the bright side your relationship had a big test and it passed. Your husband seems a green flag in backing you up, standing up to his parents and being ok with you uninviting them. So that’s good.

daylily61 wrote:

I'm an American, and very proud to be an American. Except at moments like this one. On behalf of my nation I apologize for the miserable way your fiancé's parents treated you.

You sound an absolutely lovely, intelligent and charming young woman, and I for one welcome you with open arms. God bless and keep you and your fiancé, and may you have many, many years of happiness together ?