'AITA for telling my MIL she can never visit us or my SIL again after she screamed at my nephew?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my MIL she can never visit us or my SIL again?"
My SIL Alice is a single mom she had her first child at 16 and her second by 19. Alice lived with her parents but was often mistreated by my MIL Pat.
My MIL is a mean petty women. She wore a light beige dress to my wedding and anything I do isn’t good enough. My grandmother passed and I inherited a double condo town house. My husband and I moved into one and the tenants next to us moved out about 6 months ago.
Alice was having a hard time so I told my Hubby if she could keep it nice she could move in. Alice is working part time and going to orthodontics assistant schooling. She’s not a troubled person that my MIL makes her out to be. In 6 months she hasn’t been a problem and the boys are now 7 and 4 so not bad children just boys. They remind me of my cousins.
My MIL was visiting Alice and the 7-year-old was outside playing and knocking over a planter on my side. Not a big deal. My MIL screamed at him and called him a little “N” word because he’s a mixed child. I was so angry at her. I told my MIL to leave the property and not come back to visit ever. My SIL was shocked but cried saying her mom often spoke to the 7-year-old like that.
I told my hubby and he thinks we overreacted to his mom and his mom just isn’t used to children playing rough because they weren’t allowed to. I told my husband a ball bouncing is not rough playing it’s an accident and his mother’s language was inexcusable under any circumstances so for the boys mental health that women is not allowed over.
His whole family said I’m being dramatic and Alice has the habit of over exaggerating everything but I heard for myself what his mother said and in 6 months of Alice living in the next condo to us she has never given me the reason not to trust her or think she’s an unfit mother or bad person.
Soon after posting, OP shared a small update.
Update: My MIL is still insisting she didn't say that and I misheard her. My husband and I are still arguing over it because he thinks because his mother said it in anger because the child broke something expensive. I don't think that's a valid reason to say that to a child or anyone ever.
The internet did NOT hold back.
DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA wrote:
NTA. I don’t think mean and petty is enough to describe your MIL.
"My MIL screamed at him and called him a little "N" word because he'a a mixed child."
Your MIL is also racist. I can’t imagine screaming sl-rs at a child for an accident. OP, keep this woman away from you, your SIL, your nephews, and your husband because this woman is someone you shouldn’t be around.
EDIT: I missed the fact your husband says you’re overreacting to this. That is insane he thinks that and leads me to have certain thoughts about him
EDIT 2: OP I’d start looking at your husband a certain way because of his insistence on defending his mom saying r-cial sl-rs to a 7 year old. There is no way you can mishear that word. The gaslighting is wild. What's crazy is that the item that was broken was YOURS and you’re not losing your mind over it.
rosezoeybear wrote:
Tell your husband he can visit his mom at her place. There is no excuse for using a racial sl-r no matter what the kid did. The fact that your husband wants you to ignore it is not something I would accept in a spouse.
Unhappy-Quail-2645 wrote:
NTA. It sounds like the family that you married into are very accustomed to how your MIL acts. So much so that they find it “normal”. It’s not normal and it will take them a long time to realize it.
Nester1953 wrote:
Your MIL called her grandchild the N word and the family thinks that you're over-reacting by banishing her? Frankly, given that Alice says this has been going on for a long time, I'm concerned that she hasn't been protecting her child.
What you MIL did is vile and r-cist, and harmful to a little child. It's shameful. And anyone who lets her keep doing this is complicit.
You, my dear, are the member of the family with a backbone and morals, and are not complicit. You don't sit there quietly and allow a child to be hurt. Stay strong. Keep her away. Protect your nephew. And don't listen to anyone who comes up with a ridiculous reasons for you to allow this to keep happening; you don't sacrifice children on the alter of family peace. NTA.
wlfwrtr wrote:
NTA. Everyone who says that SIL has a habit of over exaggerating, ask them when have they ever witnessed her over exaggerating or is it just something that MIL has said and they believed it. Why are you married to a man who is so blatantly r-cist that he allows his own nephew be called derogatory words?
As long as he is condoning his mother saying it then he is no better and is also a r-cist. Do you want your children raised by a man with such views? Thank you for having Alice's back. Doesn't sound like anyone ever has including her own brother.
JustALizzyLife wrote:
There's an expression, if you're sitting at a table with 9 n@zis, there are ten n@zis at the table. Your husband is not only ignoring the fact that his mother is a b*got, he is condoning her actions. That makes him one as well. You have a MIL issue, but worse, you have a husband issue.
imalkrz wrote:
NTA. Your MIL’s reaction was completely unacceptable esp. using that horrible language toward a child. It makes total sense that you want to protect your SIL and her kids from her toxicity. Setting those boundaries is important for their well-being regardless of what the rest of the family thinks.