Someecards Logo
'AITA for telling my MIL that I won’t take her dress shopping for my wedding?'

'AITA for telling my MIL that I won’t take her dress shopping for my wedding?'


"AITA for telling my MIL that I won’t take her dress shopping for my wedding?"

I 22(f) am marrying my high school sweetheart of 7 years 23(m), and I am trying to get all my wedding stuff in order.

My MIL has just recently went through a divorce and then a messy relationship right after, and we are just finishing up a will contest from her mom passing away as well. These last few years have been rough on her and so we are always trying to be supportive, and we see her at least once a week.

She has become somewhat overbearing and even told my fiancé not to take a new job offer because it would mean we would have to move a little farther from her. we are trying to understand her being emotional and upset at this time though.

She came along with me to find and pick out my wedding dress and she even offered to pay for it which was unexpected and I am grateful. However when I told her what color I would like for her to wear for my wedding and pointed her in the direction of online wedding shops, the ones that my mom has been using, she says that if she shops online that it won’t be the experience she was expecting for her.

She mentions that she saw that my wedding dress shop sells MOB dresses and she wants me to take her up there, without my mom, and spend the day shopping for her a dress so she can get her experience. also the bridal shop in question is a 3 hour drive from us, and it has short hours so i would have to take off work to go during their appointment hours.

I mentioned that we could go to a closer town to us and that we could invite my mom and make a day of it. she starts to visibly get upset and says that that is not what she wanted or expected and that she is set on my bridal shop.

I told her I would not take off work to go do that and that if we went dress shopping I would want my mom to come. she started to cry and explained that everyone that loved her has stopped loving her or has a died and that she is all alone now.

She also made some backhanded comment about none of her kids loving her and she might as well not be a mother. I didn’t mean to upset her and I feel guilty that she paid for my dress. AITA for telling her no?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

FuzzyMom2005 said:

NTA, and while she's going through stuff, she can't cut your own mother out of this experience. Not if you want your mother involved. Nor can she dictate where and when you go shopping. Don't let her guilt you into things. She's manipulating you with her "everyone has abandoned me" crap.

It won't stop with the dress. It'll continue with the wedding - the venue, the guest list, the menu, the cake, everything will be her way or "but it would make me so happy and I've been so sad because everyone had abandoned me." Your fiancé needs to rein his mom in. Do NOT let her ruin your day by making it her day. Be kind, but firm.

lesmismiserables said:

Oh gosh, NTA. It sounds like your future MIL is going through a difficult time, but that does not entitle her to dictate the lives of those around her. I think it’s important for you and your fiancé to set some boundaries with her and be very firm about sticking to them.

Otherwise, she will slowly take over your lives. The fact that she is trying to make you buying a wedding dress all about her is a major red flag. I would try talking to your finance about it, coming up with a game plan, and then sitting your future MIL down and discussing it.

HPNerd44 said:

NTA you need to get your fiancé to handle this. Two of you talk and either he sits down with her or all 3 of you sit down together but you two have to be on the same page. I went shopping with my mil for her dress and it was freaking torture, legitimately took longer to find her dress than mine.

Ok-Meeting-8588 said:

NTA, and honestly I don’t know how cash strapped you are, but her dress offer has strings attached for miles. Someone should tell her that if those are her conditions for paying for the dress, you’ll buy your own dress.

And when I say someone needs to set her straight, that someone is your fiancé. His mom is acting inappropriately and he needs to step up. Has she acted this way before, and how has he handled it?

I understand she’s going through stuff, but she’s attempting to manipulate you, and if it works, she’s not going to stop at the wedding dress. “Being alone” does not give her the right to cut off your mother and deprive you and your mother of such a meaningful experience. I imagine your mother has been dreaming about helping you pick out your wedding dress for years.

Personally, I wouldn’t have her come with you and your mother to pick the dress because I wouldn’t trust her to behave in the moment. She has shown that she’s willing to cross the boundaries of decency and good behavior, and this is not something that you want to get ruined.

My mother died before I met my husband, and I would’ve given anything to have her with me when I went dress shopping. Please don’t throw away that opportunity for the sake of a couple dollars.

Icy_Blueness1206 said:

NTA, but I don’t think your MIL is really an a-hole either. Her entire life is changing with her mother dying, her own marriage ending, her son (I’m guessing he’s the youngest) embarking on his own life. She’s being a bit pushy and a little dramatic, but it’s easy to see why.

I get not wanting to take a day off to go hours away to a dress shop. I also think your impulse to invite your mom was understandable (and your MIL clearly needs some friends her own age) but this poor lady is clearly wanting to be someone’s sole focus and number one priority at least for a day.

How about a compromise: a more accessible store, but just the two of you, maybe throw in a fancy lunch out or something. Also, maybe drop a hint to your fiancé and his siblings to work out a schedule so they each make a little time for their mom once a month (not once a week falling on you and your fiancé, you need lives, too). Just a little from everyone could go a long way until she’s gained her emotional equilibrium again.

(Also, has she gotten any therapy? A bereavement, a messy will, a divorce, and a bad relationship all so close together makes me think she could use some expert support too.)

HospitableRainRunner said:

NTA. I think I'd pass and just tell her thank you for the generous offer to pay for the dress, but you'd like this to be a special experience with just your mom. This is your special moment, don't let her overstep this one!

Everyone was on OP's side for this one, but what's your advice for this bride?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content