'AITA for telling my mom a halloween costume wasn’t bad?' 'Educate yourself.'
"AITA for telling my mom a halloween costume wasn’t bad and to educate herself?"
So I (24F) just got into an argument with my mom (52F) over the costume my little brother (12) is wanting to wear for halloween. My mom is HEAVILY religious, when she’s not at work she is either spending her day doing bible study in her room or she is at church. She does not watch any shows or movies, if she opens up youtube it’s to watch the live stream from a church.
She was not like this when I was growing up, but it started when I was around 19. All that to say, she has basically been turning down all of the ideas my brother has for halloween. For the last few years he’s been an astronaut (of his own choice) but this year he wanted to be Jason Voorhees. My mom said no because his mask was scary. I was going over other options with him and he decided on a Plague Doctor.
Well my mom saw it and said it was “dark and scary." I tried to explain to her that the costume is not bad, and that it’s literally just a doctor who dressed like that due to treating patients with the plague.
She argued that she would buy him a costume that she approved of. I told her that she would be wasting her money because she cannot force him to wear something that he doesn’t want. (side note: she isn’t even the one taking him trick or treating, our dad is coming into town and will be taking him).
I basically told her that it is not my fault that she is choosing to not understand the actual purpose of a plague doctor and choosing to only look at the “look” of the costume. She told me that “I’m your mother, you can’t talk to me like that, you should respect me."
I NEVER cussed at her or used any foul language when telling her about the costume but it was so frustrating. I did tell her though “I’m a grown adult and will talk how I want to, but you obviously are not showing me respect either.” I also told her that I’ve done everything that she wanted up until now and i’m tired and wanted her to leave me alone.
(Note: unrelated to costume: my mom and brother are living with me and my spouse, she is not paying any rent, my parents are separated so my dad is paying her portion since my brother is here.
She also argued with me for the master bedroom and I eventually gave up and let her have it). I feel a bit guilty since I know she’ll be up praying and crying over this. AITA for getting so upset and arguing about this with my mom?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
JustheBean said:
NTA. You’re an adult, this is all happening under your roof, and you’re factually correct. Sounds like there are some real boundary issues there to say the least. Best of luck OP.
yoshikage0xtkpiq45u said:
You let her walk all over you in your own house? yikes. NTA but consider growing a backbone.
Cangal39 said:
NTA her feelings are not your responsibility to manage. Let her cry and pray all she wants, don't give in to her manipulations.
Subject-Cash-82 said:
NTA your home your rules. Nothing wrong with being the plague doctor actually an awesome costume, the other one is a great choice. I worked for Spirit Halloween 2 years and learned a lot. Unless they want a spirit board which gave me bad vibes and would refuse to set that section up or pack it up, they are good.
Daddy_ps said:
NTA. You are acting more like the responsible, rational adult than she is. If you can afford it, get him the costume. Or have dad do it. What the hell. She probably won't come out of the room anyway.
VividChaos said:
NTA. In my experience, there is no talking to people like your mom. They believe what they believe and will force others to abide by what they want, end of story. What you could do for the costume, is wear what she *approves* of out the door, then have a different costume on standby that can be changed into.
ShinyBonnets said:
ESH, your mother more than you. She sucks for very obvious reasons. You, because you are allowing her to manipulate you into giving into her asinine behavior and demands, which ultimately affects your spouse, who I suspect is an unwilling passenger on this crazy train. Go find a shiny spine and start the process of evicting your mother.