'AITA for telling my mom she is nothing but a mistress to the man she met on Facebook?'

"AITA for telling my mom she is nothing but a mistress?"

Backstory: my dad has been d**d for almost 4 years. Significant age difference (he was 18 years older) so she was a caregiver for the last 5 years. She is now early 60s. She started “seeing” a man that she met through FB dating while my dad was still alive.

Fast forward. Her and let’s call him Bob are “together." Bob is from another country, but has PR in Canada. They dated for 6 months, and then he moved in with my mom. He has significant health issues and so has not been working, she has been the sole financial provider, he has not had a drivers license etc.

He then brought his FAMILY over from other country which included: WIFE and three older children. My mom knew about this, but claimed they had been separated for years and there was nothing romantic.

Bob brings his family here, and moves out from my mom’s house into an apartment with wife and children to help them “settle." Kept telling my mom it would only be a few months. It has now almost been a full year.

To complicate matters, they opened a store together in the local mall. Selling wares from his home country. I don’t believe it’s exceptionally profitable, and now my mom who has a full time job and should be retiring is spending many evenings and weekends running the store while he is with his family.

They all do multiple activities together, but he immediately stopped showing any affection towards my mom (which was minimal to begin with) as soon as the wife moved to Canada.

I basically said in a baffled state enough is enough, this isn’t a relationship and told her she was nothing but a known mistress who his wife is tolerant enough of to keep around as a cash cow. AITA? Do I just let it go and let her live in this delusional state. I’m worried it’s going to have some serious financial, emotional and mental consequences.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Kirsan_raccoony wrote:

NTA. Probably not the nicest way to have said it, but it does sound like Bob is taking advantage of your mum in what sounds like an in-person variation of a romance scam.

longhandwrittennote wrote:

NTA.

Was your mother groomed by your father? That's a pretty big age gap.

OP responded:

No, both second marriages for both of them. She was 30 when they got together. I wouldn’t say it was the healthiest of marriages for multiple unrelated reasons, but he was a loving partner, and good father.

The current partner, Bob is 3 years younger than her, but again, immediately in the caregiver role both financially and health wise. He has some serious heart issues and I wouldn’t say is in stable health by any means.

Psychological-Wall-2 wrote:

NTA. But your mother isn't a "mistress". Mistresses at lest get affection. The term you're looking for is "paypig." Consider contacting immigration authorities. That's probably the only way into this. That, or some medical diagnosis that she is unfit to make financial decisions.

SuspiciousWeekend284 wrote:

Was your mum your dad‘s mistress first before they ended up married?

OP responded:

No, they were both single.

beigefrog wrote:

What was her reaction?

OP responded:

More excuses, denial. He’s not in love with the wife etc.

BillDeSilvey wrote:

WOW! You could have phrased it better, IMHO. That IS your MOM, after all. Aside from that, Mom is afraid of being alone. So afraid in fact, that she's willing to go to the extreme to have a form of companionship.

You didn't say, but isn't she close to retirement age? Did she dump any of her retirement funds into the "store"? She's allowing herself to be financially and emotionally manipulated. Bottom line.

OP responded:

Yes that’s exactly what’s been happening, more and more funds into her “investment."

LopsidedAnywhere952 wrote:

NTA, your mum is being used and needs to be told it’s not okay. She is probably aware as well and maybe just needs companionship? What if you guys do some new hobby together? Like go for nice walks, yoga, knitting, art classes? It feels like she is accepting this love because that is what she believes she deserves.

She deserves so much more and it’s going to be very hard to get past it but she needs to cut him off. Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if his wife is aware and totally fine with it cause of how much she helps.

knightsfolly wrote:

Other questions for your mom...considering his health issues, ask her what happens when he passes away. Does he have life insurance? Is she a beneficiary?

Do the wife/kids inherit his share of the business? Is she comfortable working directly with them if that happens? Even if the wife/kids don't inherit, does she have the connections to maintain the business in his absence? Would selling it under those circumstances at least allow her to recoup her investment?