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'AITA for telling my mom that she's ruining my wedding?' 'I wouldn't be requiring her services.'

'AITA for telling my mom that she's ruining my wedding?' 'I wouldn't be requiring her services.'


"AITA for telling my mom that she's ruining my wedding?"

I'm (28F) dealing with my mom's excessive gift-giving of clothes and her intrusive involvement in my wedding planning. Throughout my life, she's sent me numerous packages of clothes, always unsolicited, and mostly not my style. I've tried to politely return the items I don't like, but this hasn't stopped her from sending more.

My fiancé recently pointed out how her style is very different from mine, often either very matronly or childish. Despite returning 80% of the clothes she sends, she continues to inundate me with more.

The situation escalated with my wedding dress. When we went shopping, she pushed for a matronly dress that I hated, and dismissed the ones I liked. I eventually chose a dress that everyone, including her, seemed to agree was the most flattering.

However, the next day she insisted it was too low cut and even showed photos of me in it to her friends at my grandmother's funeral to get validation. She claimed that they all agreed with her and suggested we go shopping again, which I refused.

Despite my clear refusal, she booked another dress shopping appointment, which was a humiliating experience. She showed zoomed-in photos of my chest to the staff, who graciously assured her that it was not revealing.

However, it didn't stop there. In the car leaving the second dress shop she said she was then taking me to shop for rehearsal dinner dresses. I said as politely as possible that I wouldn't be requiring her services for that, to which she matter of factly stated that she wanted to be involved in picking it out.

After I flew back home, she began sending rehearsal dinner dress options to my house, none of which suited me and were all returned. Each dress was either not my style or the wrong size. Despite my polite returns and clear communication, she persisted in sending more.

Recently, I planned a trip back to my parents' place to pick up my wedding dress, which I couldn't bring back earlier due to luggage constraints. A day before my flight, my mom texted me that she had booked an alteration appointment for my dress, claiming it needed to fit perfectly and be less revealing.

She also mentioned that she had paid $50 for the appointment. After all our previous conflicts over the dress, I was in disbelief that she had not let it go. I told her that the prior dress shopping experience had been extremely upsetting for me and that I couldn’t handle it again.

Her response was dismissive, stating that both dress shopping experiences had been traumatizing for her too. At this, I lost it and told her that her constantly bulldozing and manipulating me has ruined my wedding.

I know my mom genuinely wants to be involved in my life and my wedding, but her constant interference and insistence on her taste over mine are making what should be a joyful planning process into a nightmare - AITA here?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Master-Celery999 said:

NTA - You are standing your ground for YOUR wedding. Its about your taste and preference. There are certainly some compromises to be made, but your wedding dress is important to your experience. Her insistence is really what is making her TA.

Stranger0nReddit said:

NTA. You are overdue for boundaries.

SolarPerfume said:

I'm assuming that by "returning" the clothes she sends, you mean returning them to the store or website. If that's the case, start sending them back to HER. As to your wedding dress, I'd not let her anywhere near the one you bought. And I'd call all my vendors, starting with the bridal store, and put passwords on all your accounts. NTA.

LevelFox-1092 said:

NTA. She’s seems very controlling, and a wedding dress is a very big deal, everyone wants their wedding to be perfect and the fact that she’s so controlling and is trying her best to make you wear something she likes instead of what you like seems frustrating as f--k.

You should be able to wear the dress that you love, for f--ks sake you’re getting married in it. Her behavior is invasive and controlling and you should definitely continue to establish boundaries as best you can, even though she doesn’t seem to take your opinion into consideration while she tries to dictate your entire wardrobe.

Ukelele-in-the-rain said:

NTA but sis, are you a bowling pin? How are you so rolled over again and again? How have you not put up boundaries on the clothes sending yet? Also why are you telling readers so many times how politely you tried to explain to your mother? I think the time to be rude was like a dozen incidences ago.

Endora529 said:

NTA. Call the dress shop and make sure that she didn’t already have it altered. Your mom sounds unhinged. Put her on an information diet. Store your dress with someone you can trust. Your mom sounds exhausting. Good luck.

jackb6ii said:

NTA. Tell your mother she needs to back off and respect your dress choices and you will no longer discuss the topic with her and that she will be disinvited to the wedding if she continues with the harassment.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this wedding drama?

Sources: Reddit
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