I F27 and my husband M27 got married a year back. We had been dating for 10 years and most of his family knew about us. I went to his sister's wedding because I was invited and it was a nice experience.
I have grown up to be very social and career oriented and really value education. My husband is the same and that’s how we really connected with each other. My SIL however has a different mindset.
She got married at a very young age and chose to have a family (she has one daughter) and chose to not pursue a college degree, however is a total brat and has always been said yes for everything (for context, she had a 3 day wedding in Italy with 120 guests). She doesn’t hate me but doesn’t love me either and the feelings are mutual. We just don’t connect.
We recently took a new house and threw a housewarming for all his family and everyone loved the house. We have an extra guest bedroom, just incase. His sister absolutely loved the house (which she said like 50 times) and said she would move some of her daughter’s stuff here (in the extra room) because we have too much space and she doesn’t want to carry it whenever she comes.
We live in New York and she comes from New Mexico. I really didn’t get the logic and politely declined and said we have a lot of guests coming every now and then and do not have spare space for your daughter’s clothes or toys. She wasn’t happy but I didn’t care.
It’s been 4 months since we bought the house and she’s come a total of 53 days (yes I counted!) Most of the time she comes unannounced and says “I was visiting someone or I was in the neighborhood." What kind of person would fly from New Mexico to New York to be in the neighborhood?
Anyway, slowly I realized she had started putting up her pictures and redecorating our guest bedroom and lost my sh*t. I told my husband and he said I’m overthinking and she’s just trying to be friends with me.
When she left last week, I packed a box of all her things which she very conveniently “forgets” in our guest bedroom and shipped it to her place. She got very very angry and called me and started screaming at me. I told her to stop over reacting and stop considering our house as hers and that she’s no longer welcome.
I told my husband everything and that I would not entertain her anymore. He agreed to what I said and told his sister that she needs to stop doing this or she’s no longer welcome.
She called my in-laws and literally every person we know and told them we were being like a*holes. Our phones have been buzzing with texts and calls saying how inconsiderate we are and that what we did was wrong. I told everyone if you’re so interested, keep her in your house and stop bothering me. AITA?
I see a lot of people writing that she’s running from an abusive husband. She’s not. She got married at 17 because she was pregnant with her daughter and got divorced 3 years later. She lives with her parents in a 5 bedroom townhouse with no job. She loves the “idea” of living in New York.
I think shipping her stuff she "forgot" was brilliant. NTA because her showing up without advanced notice isn't okay, but you and spouse should probably chat and get on the same page for boundaries with family.
NTA-You set a reasonable boundary. She pole vaulted over it while giving you the finger and tattled because she’s the center of the known universe and you weren’t falling in line.
NTA, her behavior is unhinged. I think it might be worth talking to your husband about if everything is going ok for her in New Mexico as it sounds like she might be plotting to escape to your guest room.
NTA. My best guess is that she's low key trying to set the room up for your niece. Then she'll surprise dump the poor girl on you and your SIL will go live her best child free party lifestyle.
NTA sounds like she is trying to take over and turn yall into eventual babysitters.
NTA. This is your house and she has no right to assume that she can use it in any capacity. For the people who think you are inconsiderate - she can take her stuff to their houses.