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'AITA for telling my SIL to find another 'provider' to house her, because I’m not it?'

'AITA for telling my SIL to find another 'provider' to house her, because I’m not it?'


All it takes is a small spark to ignite a flame of frustration.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for giving her SIL a taste of her own medicine during a time of need. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my SIL to find another provider because I’m not it?"

My SIL has always called me a disgrace and talked about how “men are providers.” She has repeatedly told me this and tried to shame me for having a better education and job than my husband. My husband's family is Mexican immigrants and my SIL lives in Mexico and has a Mexican husband.

She recently fled the house looking for someone to stay with. My in-laws live in another state, but my sister with her three children came to us instead. We live in a small house in San Diego that was my grandma’s. My in-laws live close to Houston. My husband was not home when his sister arrived, and I sent her away when she showed up on my doorstep I told her to go find another provider because I’m not it.

My husband heard and came home from work and I told him that he had to pay for her hotel and plane tickets out of his money to our in-laws place. He and his family have been pissed at me. His sister has constantly bullied me for over ten years for dumb a*s things like “not making my man a plate.” I have never liked her or her ex.

I do not want her in my home and I wasn’t having it because she has no damn money because of her own stupidity of being a “wifey.” I refuse to support her and now my husband’s family is saying he should leave me and stay in Houston. I told him he can choose his sister over me and if he’s not back in 24 hours I’m throwing his s**t on the street and letting the homeless take it.

People had a lot to say in the comment section.

mifflewhat wrote:

INFO: By "fled the house" do you mean a domestic vi*lence situation?

OP responded:

Yes and It’s not the first time and she has pulled this “men are providers speech” even if it has happened before and shamed and gossiped about me for dumb things like not making my man a “plate or eating before him.”

SpaceJesusIsHere wrote:

I've made the mistake of opening my home and wallet for extended family who didn't respect me, thinking the olive branch would help. I can't explain why, but all it does is make them hate you more and feel entitled to your money. When you eventually want to stop and let them stand on their own feet, they become.more resentful than they ever were.

Hard NTA from me. Letting people who don't respect you as a person in your home is a mistake a hundred percent of the times i've seen it done. If the other option were homelessness for the kids, that's different. But they have family in houston and they're probably better off there.

Lilpanda21 wrote:

Armchair psychologist but it's probably because while you see it as being nice and not wanting them to suffer, they can only rationalize help from someone they despise as being in your debt which they hate the thought of.

MrPKitty wrote:

NTA. Sure, everyone's going to tell you, you should have taken her in because she was fleeing DV. But you know if she had gotten in your house she would have made your life a living hell.

FuzzyMom2005 wrote:

Info: where is he now that he has be back in 24 hours?

OP responded:

He flew to Houston with his sister to help her with the kids on the plane. That was 4 days ago.

Gattina1 wrote:

NTA. You don't owe her anything. I had a SIL who was an absolute b#$ch to me. She never asked me for any favors, but if she had, it would've been wasted effort on her part. People are feeling sorry for your husband. I don't.

He should have been on your side from the get-go. Why does he think it's ok that his sister has b*llied you for 10 years? Has he ever defended you against her bullying? If not, you're better off without him.

Swiss_Miss77 wrote:

NTA. Hes pulling a FAFO. Please update us in 24 hours. I want to know if hes come back. But please remove your money from any shared accounts now!

rocketmn69_ wrote:

She can stay with her family. She's been a b#$ch to you, she doesn't have to stay. Contact a lawyer and start the divorce process. You have to show him that you're serious otherwise he will walk all over you. You can always call it off.

midnightchaotic wrote:

NTA - Past victim of DV here. First of all, your SIL and her kids deserve a safe place to live. That doesn't mean it has to be your place. There are women's shelters that specialize in caring for DV victims and provide services to help them find a life away from their ab*ser. You are under no obligation to allow someone who disrespects you into your home, regardless of who tries to guilt trip you into it.

At the most provide her with a list of places she can contact. It's up to her to take that next step. Secondly, my brother said some vile things about my husband. I let brother know he is no longer allowed in my house and there is absolutely nothing my family can say that will change that.

No one gets to speak to the love of my life like that and expect to just waltz in here like nothing happened. My point being, if you are not your husband's #1 priority then you have some thinking to do.

ItsCatTimeBby wrote:

NTA. As per SIL logic, it's not on you to provide for her. It's on FIL and your husband and any male siblings/family she has. Which is not you. You aren't a man. You don't provide, as she said. I assume you help pay the bills in the home she expected to be allowed to stay at, rent free with free range of the food and utilities. Nah. You husband and FIL can handle her expenses.

It's clearly agreed that OP is NTA here, hopefully - her and her husband can come to an agreement about this. Otherwise, it might be a deal breaker.

Sources: Reddit
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