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'AITA for Telling My Sister's Fiancé About Her Loyalty Test?' + Consequence Update

'AITA for Telling My Sister's Fiancé About Her Loyalty Test?' + Consequence Update

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"AITA for Telling My Sister's Fiancé About Her 'Loyalty Test?'"

Fang724

Using an alt because my friends use Reddit and not sure if I want to open this stuff up to those in my life as things haven't settled between everyone yet. I (26F) have a younger sister, Lily (24F), who’s been with her fiancé, Mark (28M), for three years.

They’ve always seemed really happy together, and they’re planning to get married next summer. Lily and I have always been close, but she can get pretty intense and a bit paranoid when it comes to relationships.

A few weeks ago, Lily told me about this plan she had. She wanted to test Mark’s loyalty by having her friend Sarah flirt with him at a party to see how he’d react. I told her it was a terrible idea and that she should just trust him, but she was dead set on it. She said she needed to be sure Mark wouldn’t cheat on her once they’re married.

So, last weekend at a party, Sarah went ahead with the plan. According to Lily, Mark was nice but didn’t flirt back and even mentioned he was engaged. But Lily was still upset because she felt he didn’t shut Sarah down "forcefully enough."

I thought this whole thing was really unfair to Mark. He had no idea he was being tested, and I felt bad for him. So, I ended up telling him what Lily did. He was shocked and hurt but thanked me for being honest with him. Now, Lily is absolutely furious with me. She says I betrayed her and ruined her relationship. She won’t talk to me, and she’s saying I overstepped big time.

Our parents are split on this—Mom thinks I did the right thing, but Dad thinks I should’ve stayed out of it. Mark is now reconsidering the engagement, and Lily has cut me off completely.

I’m feeling really torn and guilty. I don’t know if I did the right thing by telling Mark or if I should’ve just stayed out of it. AITA? And if I am how do I fix this? Should I try to repair my relationship with Lily? Should I reach out to Mark again or give him space? Any advice would be really appreciated. I’m so lost right now.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:

Angrymiddleagedjew

Your sister isn't mature enough for marriage and is looking for reasons to cause drama. Either she's bored, or she cheated/came close to cheating and is projecting her guilt onto the man. Your dad is also an idiot.

Think about it like this: She gave him a test, he passed with flying colors, and she's still mad he didn't do well enough somehow? He passed a test she created and roped her equally terrible friend into, and she's mad at the result even though it's the one she said she wanted. Your sister needs help, not a husband.

littlebitfunny21

This.n Honestly her fiance couldn't win. If he was too rude she probably would have been incredibly angry.

Beth21286

Being hit on by your fiancees best friend is a minefield whether it's real or not. It's not like telling some stranger to just get lost.

Daughter_of_Dusk

NTA and I don't blame Mark. I wouldn't want to marry someone who doesn't trust me either.

GrouchySteam

Furthermore she was dissatisfied her game didn’t end up showing her fiancé is a player. She wanted to go farther. She wants to trick him to catch him. Why is she so obsessed with proving he is a cheater? Who would want to associate with someone so invested on trying to trick them, or pushing someone else to harass them as a testimony of their engagement or fidelity.

Almost a month later, the OP returned with an update.

"UPDATE: AITA for Telling My Sister's Fiancé About Her 'Loyalty Test?'"

Fang724

Hey everyone, I wanted to update you since it’s been a month since everything went down. First off, thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts and advice. It helped a lot to hear different perspectives.

Most people seemed to agree I did the morally right thing which lifted a huge weight off my chest. After my post, things were really tense. Lily refused to talk to me, and there was a huge divide in our family since we're the only two kids my parents have now...

Mark reached out once to say thanks, but I could tell he needed space so I gave it to him, me trying being a source of comfort for him after everything went down didn't seem right and I didn't want any worse assumptions to start.

About two weeks in, Lily reached out and asked to meet up. I was surprised but eventually we met up, and while she was still upset and despite how outraged she was at the beginning she realized her actions were over the top.

She told me she’s going to see a therapist to work on her insecurities. It was an emotional talk, and we both cried. We agreed to try slowly mend things starting with meeting up at our parents house more often but it’s going to take time.

Mark took a break from Lily to process everything. They put their wedding plans on hold, which was hard for both of them. About a week ago, he decided he wanted to try and work things out, agreeing to attend couples therapy with her too.

It’s not easy, but they’re committed to trying, and I guess I was so guilty at the start because it was obvious despite everything he was crazy in love with her and I didn't want to break that...

During this time, I’ve been working on myself too. I’ve realized how much I value honesty and integrity in relationships, and I’m trying to be more supportive without overstepping. It’s a learning process, but I’m trying.

Lily and I aren’t back to where we were and I don't know how long its going to take but we can keep trying. We’ve had a few good talks and laughed a little like we used to.

Thanks again to everyone who offered advice and support. It’s been a tough month, but I’m happier now, I’ll keep you posted if anything major changes. Take care and thanks again.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:

Background_System726

Glad to hear everyone is communicating like adults and trying to repair relationships!

RogueishSquirrel

Huh....communication winning the day. That's something you don't see every day. Good one on everybody in this story! Apologies if the post comes off curt. Seeing my fair share of these stories tends to leave me jaded and cynical, but do know the kudos are very much real, and I hope things work out for everybody.

Similar-Shame7517

LMAO at the loyalty test. There was no way to pass that test short of tasering Sara, I guess.

Irmaplotz

This is why Loyalty tests always perplexed me. Just because he didn't cheat with that particular person at that particular moment doesn't say much in terms of proof. So the sister remained unconvinced and probably would feel the same after a dozen loyalty tests.

Love is trust. And sometimes you're wrong and you get your guts stomped on. But the alternative is you spend your life terrified and unable to connect. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Solypsys

"She says I betrayed her and ruined her relationship."

I always hate it when people express something like this.

Mark is a human and deserves the right to make his own decisions based on real information. If you need secrecy and lies to maintain the stability of your relationship you don't have a relationship; glad that the sister ostensibly recognizes her fault.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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