Siblings’ childhood rift leads brother to refuse babysitting request from estranged sisters. AITA?
"AITA for telling my sisters to take care of their own kids?"
GreenImplement6462
I'm (24m) the youngest of my parents three kids. My older sisters are Sarah (28f) and Liv (26f). Sarah and Liv were BFFs growing up. Always together. Shared everything. The whole TV trope of close sisters. That was my sisters.
The other part that was very TV like was their anti-boy rhetoric and specifically, anti-brother. They never liked me being near them and they'd always say I was embarrassing to them, that I was gross (which I wasn't dirty or anything), that they wanted sisters and not brothers, that boys weren't allowed to play whatever games they were playing.
It hurt my feelings as a kid and they were punished for being cruel on occasion. Not all the time. But it happened a few times and I know our parents got concerned enough to try therapy. Both individual for us all and family therapy together.
It was in family therapy when my sisters loudly proclaimed they would never love me or want a brother. They said boys are disgusting and nobody wants them and they wanted someone to come and take me away forever so they never had to see me again.
My parents put a lot of effort into giving me outside focuses too, so the stuff with my sisters wouldn't destroy me. It wasn't always perfect. I did wish at a younger age that my sisters would care.
But I had friends, hobbies, activities and stuff to keep me distracted and my parents kept working on my sisters treatment of me. Because it went beyond just not being close.
Their attitude toward me did not change. I was very much in the not-family camp when Sarah got married and when Sarah and then Liv started having babies. I was not included or invited to anything, even to meet their kids when they were born.
I was not sent any announcements. My parents and other family got those. I'm not even their social media friend/follower (they both have accounts set to permission needed to follow).
I'm truly over it/them by now. I know nothing will change and honestly I don't want to and forget the whole "don't hold kids actions against them" because they have not been kids for years.
Now they have some kids that are a bit older and both sisters want to work. They tried to share a nanny and babysitter but I guess they got tired of paying for both for different occasions. So they approached me to be a babysitter.
They told me I should help take care of their kids since I'm supposed to be family "or whatever". I asked if they were serious and then I rolled my eyes at them hard. They said I had a horrible attitude.
I told them they can take care of their own kids and they won't be using me after 24 years of wanting my existence to go away. They accused me of being as bad as them for responding in the way that I did. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
bakhoe-finch
Nta they clearly told you they didn't want you in their family and went out of their way to exclude you even as adults. You owe them nothing. They are basically strangers to you who happen to be related to your family. And accusing you of being as bad as them is absurd, they got their wish, no brother, they should deal with it.
Busy-Persimmon-748
Obvs NTA. My main concern is if they have had any sons? Seeing as they hate boys and all that? Though obvs don’t hate boys enough not have not procreated… But seriously I hope they’re decent to their kids as they have no track record of decency.
Sleepwalker2177
NTA. The next time they try to bully you and use the "we're family" bs I would respond by saying: " Neither one of you ever considered me as your brother for years and called me dirty and disgusting for commiting the crime of something I had no control over and that was being born as a boy.
So why should I help two disgusting human beings who never considered me one to help out with your children who I never met because you despise me so much that you never wanted me anywhere near them?
JokerFishClownShoes
NTA, not your responsibility to look after their kids. Especially not for free and for people so ungrateful. You'd be a constant pawn for them and would lose out on your own life over their poor choices. Grandparents or back to the babysitter for them.
NIABrownEyes
Definitely NTA. And seriously your parents seem pretty good at trying to find out why they behaved this way towards you. Your nephew and nieces may get to know you when they are old enough, if their minds haven't been poisoned against you.
evilcj925
"They accused me of being as bad as them for responding in the way that I did."
So they admit they know they were bad? And yet still do not apoligize or make any kind of amends, only coming with a demand of you?
They are claming "family" after never treating you like family. No, you telling them what you did is the only response they were ever going to get.
NTA.
GreenImplement6462 (OP)
Yep! No apology or even expression of remorse for it.
btxglspl
NTA. You communicated a boundary in your own way. It’s not like you committed violence nor harmed anyone in any way.
Pure-Philosopher-175
NTA. You don’t have a relationship with them, or their children. Even if you were close to your sisters, you wouldn’t be the AH for saying no to this. I’m guessing they didn’t offer to pay you either.
Beautiful_Choice8620
NTA. Your responded correctly. There is no way they thought they could treat you like crap your whole life then ask you to watch their kids. They are delusional and they can continue to pay for their joint nanny. Stand your ground and keep living your life and ignore their existence just like they ignored yours.