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Stepmom sick of kids saying she's not their mom, stops acting the part. AITA? + Update

Stepmom sick of kids saying she's not their mom, stops acting the part. AITA? + Update


"AITA for telling my step kids I'm not their mom?"


My husband (40M) and I (36F) have been together for 8 years now and our marriage have been rocky. When I met him he had twins, boy and girl. I love them like their my children, since it's hard for me to have kids they are mines.

My husband and I tried for a baby last year and I became pregnant but had a miscarriage but I think I'm just not meant to be a new mommy. The kids are 16! The husband kids haven't seen their mom in years because she left them for a guy in New York which is so sad because they didn't get to have a relationship with her.

The twins call me mom and everything, we do everything like a little family I always wanted. When I was younger I always use to tell myself not to date a single father because theyight be messing with the mother of their kids but I took the leap of faith.

The other day my son and daughter wanted to go to the mall with their friends, which was fine because they go to the mall a lot with them. The argument started because of what she was wearing, she wore and very short skirt with a crop top and a jeans jacket.

I immediately told her no and to change her clothes because I didn't feel comfortable with her going out side like that, I don't even know where she got the skirt from because anything she gets from the mall she gives me a haul. Her brother didn't even care what she was wearing and just rolled his eyes at me.

She was pissed and upset, at the top of the step she screamed and told me I wasn't her mom so I should stop acting like it, her brother laughed and that made me feel even worse so I asked him why it was funny to him and he said that it's true, I'm not their mom so I need to stop acting like I can tell them what to do.

This felt like a slap in the face because I basically raised her and this is what I get? The past months they've been saying horrible things to me, my daughter even told me it was might fault I lost the baby and she's happy I did.

But the next day I toughen up, I acted like nothing happened that day. I would usually wake them up for school and make them breakfast but this time I didn't, I made myself breakfast because like they said I'm not their mom.

My son had a basketball game that day and I would be the mom to bring snacks for the team but I wasn't going, my daughter had a cheer competition 2 days after but I wasn't going and I know y'all might call me petty for this and I wouldn't disagree with you.

I've been getting up and ignored everyone, I could feel them staring at me everytime. Last night my daughter came up to me and asked me why I didn't show up to her competition and I told her I wasn't her mom so why would I?

I can already see the yta and I raised my husband kids and stuff. I told my husband what they said but he brushed me off. I don't think our marriage is working out and I've been thinking about a divorce.

I feel unappreciated in the place I call home. When I slave in the kitchen to make them food, they order out instead. So I am the only one eating the food. Was that too harsh?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:



They knew what they said, but are now facing the consequences of their mouths.


NTA being a step parent is a thankless job. Luckily some don't have to live through this but most of us do.


NTA. Those kids are out of line. I would probably do the same thing - stop being a mother figure since I was unappreciated by the kids. What the girl said to you was cruel. Teenagers can be mean, but they need to learn there are consequences for their actions. Only you can decide if you want a divorce, but it would be understandable given the circumstances.


I think this one is NTA.

I don’t know if they’re trying to see your limits so they can see if you’re going to leave them like their bio mom or they just want to be preferred by their bio mom and taking their anger out on you but I know this is a call for therapy.

You’re already hurt and someone can get hurt even more if you don’t get help. Your husband MUST care about this sh’t and that’s why he’s the real ahole in this story. I would say he’s even worse than the kids because as an adult and parent, he needs to do something and he just sits there & watching the sh’t show.

What you do is petty but also you show them you care and you’re hurt actually. And if they question you again you can always say you respect their boundaries so even if you saw them as your own you will not step on their boundaries and do mommy duties. Honestly, be petty so they can learn not to take granted people who loves them.


Petty? Yes. AH? No, NTA. You’re returning the energy they are giving you.

Three days later, the OP returned with an update.

"(Update) AITA for telling my step kids I'm not their mom?"


I know everyone has been spamming to know the update and sorry I didn't make this sooner, I had to think about what was my next move. I tried sit the kids down and talk to them along with my husband, my Step daughter was basically on her phone the whole time not even paying attention to what I said.

Her brother surprisingly was listening and he apologized for laughing at the comment he and his sister made, I asked her if she can apologize for what she said about my baby but she brushed me off and again said the baby deserved it.

My husband didn't do a thing when she said this, he sat down looking into space and I felt embarrassed so I knew what I had to do. I told him wanted a divorce if he wasn't to act like I'm a stranger and disrespect me.

At this moment this was my first time getting his attention, he told me that wasn't the right decision and that we could go to therapy but when I mentioned that to him before he didn't care. I know this is not the decision you guys thought I would have chose but I'm trying to figure out what I want for my life.

He begged me to not take it this route and I wanted to fold but I know it will happen again. This is really hard, you won't even believe who cried. My step kids had tears coming out their eyes, I dont know if they were faking it or was being serious.

It broke my heart but I can't keep living in a place I am not wanted, I'm staying with my mom for the mean time so I can get a break and clear my head because all this is too much.

If I have anything else to say I will update you guys over here! It was a shock to me when my stepdaughter changed her demeanor and started saying sorry out of nowhere, I don't know if it's sincere or she's just ready for me to leave.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:


I am so sorry you are dealing with this! Please know this is the right decision. The kids and hubby are only crying because they lost their maid. Now they have to do everything themselves. You need to get out. Sending much love and hugs!



They've taken you for granted all these years and now they want to "fix" things. I hope you are able to make the best decision for YOU and not for them. 🫂


This is actually what I think a lot of us hoped for because you deserve so much more. Aside from stepson apparently, your feelings were still not being considered and continued to be disrespected up until you mentioned divorce.

The fact your husband has no reaction to the cruel thing his daughter said about your miscarriage (even when she doubled down) is mind blowing but says a whole lot. I know this will be hard at first, but you will come out on the other end so much happier. I wish you the best, OP.


Sorry you are dealing with this but I am very happy you have recognized your worth. Also remember, anything your husband or step kids say are just empty words.

If they meant any of the apologies it would have came before you announced you wanted divorce. Also, you are young! You will find someone to complete you and have a family that appreciates you! UpdateMe!


Take some time out to do all the things you missed out on by taking on a mothering role! I do feel like there was more to this apart from the daughter saying "your not my mom" and that this comment was the straw that broke the camels back. I think you should speak to SD because she might feel like she is solely responsible for the divorce and step son and ex husband might also blame her too.

So, do you think the OP is overreacting or was she being disrespected? Do you think they have found a solution?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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