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Years of disrespect boil over when step kids demand inheritance; 'take a hike.' AITA?

Years of disrespect boil over when step kids demand inheritance; 'take a hike.' AITA?

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"AITA for telling my step kids to take a hike."

tahoeintesla

I (55M) married my wife (53F) 10 years ago but been together 13 years. She is a widower who had lost her husband 5 years before we had even met. We had met through a common friend. She and her ex husband had 2 kids (10F and 9M at time we met).

They are now 23F and 22M. They were not happy when their mom started seeing and me and more or less told me they would never accept it. I said that is fine I am not trying to be their dad but can be their friend if they ever wanted.

I left all parenting decisions to my wife but I made sure they never had any issues with education (pvt school) and other activities as well funding their college completely as I did not believe in having them graduate with debt.

I guess they mellowed a bit later in years but they never treated me with respect and after a few years of trying to be part of their lives and going to their sport and after school activities I just stopped. My wife was sad but she understood where I came from but also respected her kids going their own path.

Now to the issue..I run a HVAC company and worked long hours to get It to a place where it's very profitable and have 15 men working for me. Recently a big company offered to buy me out for a big amount and after talking it over with my wife I decided to sell and retire. Will be taking trips and cruises to enjoy life.

My step kids came to know about the sale and at a family dinner a few weeks back they were asking me about it and my step daughter said I hope you leave a good amount for both of us as well fund her upcoming international destination wedding.

I laughed and said they got some nerve. I ain't leaving a dime to them. We'll spend half of it and give rest to my wife and rest to charity. They got all angry and cursed me and said I was the evil step dad and hated me and wish I had died instead of their dad.

I told them to get out of my house and take a hike. My wife is beside herself and feels I went too far and should leave something for the kids. I said no and said I would put it in my will that she can't share her inheritance from me with her kids either.

She isn't talking to me currently a d things are tense.i don't feel I done anything wrong but am I the AITA here and just put some money away for kids to make peace.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

StonewallBrigade21

"They got all angry and cursed me and said I was the evil step dad and hated me and wish I had died."

NTA, the kids are. It's just too bad that you already gave them many thousands of dollars for college and everything else.

"my wife is besides her self and feels I went to far and should leave something for the kids."

Pffft. She's an AH too. I see where her kids get their entitlement from.

"I said no and said I would put it in my will that she can't share her inheritance from me with her kids either."

What's to stop her from giving them cash and buying them things?

The OP responded here:

tahoeintesla

Will put it in a trust for only her. But haven't decided. Will talk my options the lawyer or may just spend it on a fancy sports car.

satyrbassist

Talk to any lawyer and they’ll tell you that no court will honor such a clause in a will. You’re better off putting it into a trust that takes care of her until her death (living expenses and maybe an allowance) then donates the remainder. Otherwise your step kids will get that money one way or another.

DesertSong-LaLa

NTA to entitled brats who expressed no gratitude that their high brow education and other activities were possible because of you. Your wife fosters their brazen entitlement by suggesting what you should do with you $$.

"Wish you were dead instead of their dad" should have set ablaze the thoughts of leaving them $$. Sorry you have been treated poorly for 20+ years. Time to truly enjoy yourself and not measure who you are by their opinions.

Notdoingitanymore

NTA. I’m a fellow stepparent and understand the sentiment. I’m sorry they were taught it was easy to discard people and any kind of civility or respect was not obligatory in general life.

SwimmingProgram6530

NTA. Enjoy your money and spend, spend, spend!

Maximum-Ear1745

NTA. The stepkids are entitled AHs. I’d argue your wife should have put them in their place. They accepted a free ride to college from a man they don’t respect and then have the audacity to put their hand out for more. Who even asks about money like this? Of be looking at how you can protect the money now, in case of a divorce.

Pappalaya

NTA. It's your money and you can do with that what you want. Your step-kids never accepted you as their step-dad, straight up told you that, never tried to have some kind of father/kids relationship and now that you have a lot of money pretend you give part of it to them too?

You provided for their life until they were 18, payed for college even if they see you as just a normal man married to their mom. Still if you end up leaving some to them for the peace of your family is understandable, you seem a good dad(you are even if your step-kids never acknowledge that). I hope that one day maybe they realize it.

So, do you think the OP is in the wrong here? If you could give them any advice, what would you say?

Sources: Reddit
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