'AITA for telling neighbor to go through insurance?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for telling neighbor to go through insurance?"

My car slipped on black ice and I hit my neighbor's mailbox. Gave her my insurance info. She said my insurance wanted her to pay upfront and she didn’t have the money. I said I would buy the mailboxes and pay my handyman to put them in but it would be after the 1st of the year because the mailbox wouldn’t be in until 12/29 and he had family plans.

On 12/29 she called me but I couldn’t answer because my daughter was sick. I texted my handyman and asked for him to arrange what day he could come and install. He told her he had the mailbox and arranged for Friday 1/2 to install when he was back in town. On 12/31 she texted me a sarcastic text messages that I didn’t care.

I told her my daughter ended up in the hospital and I couldn’t return her call which is why my handyman reached out to arrange a day and time. She said out of respect I should have called her back. That I should be ashamed of myself and be more apologetic (I’ve already had two 30 minute calls where I profusely apologized.)

I told her to go through my insurance if I wasn’t doing it fast enough. She then sent this text, “And you are the homeowner that plowed over my mailbox. So completely disrespectful and sinful!! You should be ashamed and embarrassed and apologetic. Call (handyman)??? You are pathetic.”

In then sent this and blocked her “I’m returning the mailbox. Go through insurance. You have the info. I didn’t have to buy them and pay (handyman) to put them in. He told you he’d be there on Friday and I told you the same thing. That obviously isn’t good enough. So go through insurance.” AITA for making her go through insurance after she started calling me names?

Edit to add info:

Her mailbox is still usable and she is still getting mail. It just had a crack. She picked the mailbox and it would arrive until 12/29, she knew that but wanted that specific mailbox.

I sent the handyman over to fix her leaky sink as an “I’m sorry.” I’ve also dropped off treats and homemade bread as an I’m sorry. I have answered all her calls except the 12/29 call. I used that iPhone feature where you can text and the phone will tell the person calling why you can’t answer. I said “my daughter is sick, handyman will reach out to schedule.” He reached out and scheduled for 1/2.

She texted on 12/31 that I should have called her personally and that I should be ashamed. Told her my daughter ended up in the hospital with RSV and I thought it was resolved because she had a date the handyman was coming. She texted back “Okayyyyy. You’re pathetic” then she kept going with I was sinful. Told her to go through instance.

One more edit: I am a female with absolutely no tools. I pay the handyman to fix things. If I knew how to do it, I would have done it. But I’ve learned I make way more working my job and paying someone do it right the first time is more cost effective.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

journoprof wrote:

NTA. But some of the commenters here certainly are.

— They criticize OP for taking four weeks to fix this. But post says the neighbor wanted a specific model and knew it wouldn’t arrive until late December.

— They criticize OP for keeping neighbor from receiving mail. But post says original box is still usable.

— They defend neighbor for calling to complain on 12/29 when box wasn’t installed. But post says neighbor had been told installation wouldn’t happen until after New Year’s Day.

— They criticize OP for putting neighbor in direct contact with handyman. But post notes OP was dealing with sick child — and in any case, seems acting as middleman would be much less efficient.

— They criticize OP for hiring a handyman! Which, just, really?

alarming_reply434 wrote:

NTA - you were going above and beyond what you had to do and she couldn’t handle being a decent person for just a few days. I would have done the same thing you did. I really hope your daughter gets better soon!

JerseyGirl2494 wrote:

I’m an insurance adjuster and she does not have to pay upfront. She just needs to submit a valid estimate which is she is probably too lazy to go get. Screw her.

Reddi2rumble wrote:

I work in insurance and do this for a living. She absolutely 100% does not have to pay for mailbox upfront. Noone told her that. She has to get a quote and submit it to the insurance and they will pay. If you do pay her, don't hand cash or she might still try to claim on insurance and lie and say you didn't pay. Pay on venmo or something traceable and put note for pmt purpose.

Not long after posting, OP shared two updates.

Update: Thanks for replying everyone. I understand that it would probably be less hassle to just have my handyman fix it. But I won’t be doing that. It probably does make me a little bit of an asshole and I accept that. Name calling is where I draw the line. I pay for insurance, I already made a claim, so her adding onto that doesn’t change my rates.

I am sorry I hit her mailbox, and I fulfilled my obligation by giving her my insurance. She doesn’t have access to me anytime she wants another apology and she certainly doesn’t get to call me names.

Update 2: Someone advised that I contact my insurance company to see if she made a claim. She did weeks ago and said she’d be turning in receipts. My handyman reached out and asked if he could buy the mailbox from me since it was a nice one instead of me having to return it. I gave it to him for the inconvenience of his schedule being canceled.

While we were talking he said she had requested copy of receipts even though I was paying him directly. Also, I already had a claim open because there was damage to my car. So the deductible has to be paid anyway. This will not cost me extra and I have accident forgiveness…and one less neighbor I have to wave to lol

Here's what people had to say in response to OP's updates:

flynena-3 wrote:

NTA the neighbor is being ridiculous. Accidents happen and that's what this was. You didn't plow her mailbox down purposefully. You acknowledged the damage and were willing to fix it either by going through your insurance or having it done and paying for it yourself, both acceptable outcomes.

Seems like she was just not going to be happy no matter what. Also the fact that she was trying to get receipts from the handyman when she wasn't even paying him, that's shady.

She was trying to double dip! I don't blame you, you tried to do the right thing and take care of it but it backfired on you because of the way she acted. I don't blame you at all by deciding to just tell her to go through your insurance company. Like you said, nobody was hurt and it was still usable. You admitted fault and tried to take care of it. There's nothing more or different than you should have done.

Majestic_republic_45 wrote:

YTA. Hitting a mailbox is not a big deal. Dealing with the insurance company should be on you. You hit the mailbox, take responsibility for it. That does not mean “uhh - deal with my insurance“ and all of the pain that goes with it.

I would have you in small claims.

3billionyearold wrote:

Honestly, I know I’m gonna be a jerk for this, but I stopped reading at the point where you couldn’t reply to her, but you messaged your handyman to message her.

It seems like an extra step that could have been handled better by you directly responding to her instead of giving her a runaround, which is what it looks like from the other side. even if your intentions were to fix it, you have to think about putting yourself their shoes.

You don’t know how many times this person has been screwed and probably thinks you’re gonna do the same thing to them. give people the benefit of the doubt ,you’re the reason this happened so you should be a little more sensitive about it. You can’t judge her for reacting. We all react differently, but don’t forget you were the cause and they are the reaction.

To be honest if somebody damaged my property, I want it taken care of immediately. I don’t want somebody telling me to go through insurances for a mailbox and definitely don’t want the runaround excuses about how their personal life is in the way of fixing the problem THEY CAUSED. It seems like you put the repair man in the middle to excuse yourself .