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'AITA for terminating a pregnancy and then filing for divorce? My husband is furious.' UPDATED 3X

'AITA for terminating a pregnancy and then filing for divorce? My husband is furious.' UPDATED 3X


There are times when the exit sign is flashing, bright as can be, and you know it's time to get out of a relationship.

"AITA for terminating a pregnancy and then filing for divorce?"

I (33f) and my husband (35m) have been married now for two years. While we were dating, the conversation of kids had come up multiple times and I had always expressed that I did not think I would be a good enough mother for my children (a lot of personal trauma earlier in life).

He however had mentioned before that he would like to have kids but he respected my thoughts and decision on the matter. I married him under this notion. Well, a couple months ago I had some suspicion that I was pregnant, went to the doctor, and she confirmed my suspicions.

Thankfully, I live in a state where ab*rtions are legal and I thought about just going through with it on my own, but I decided to involve him in the process. As soon as I broke the news to him he immediately became overjoyed saying how it was a great thing and he was so excited. I promptly reminded him of our conversation about me not wanting children.

He decided that the conversation was so long ago he was sure I'd have changed my mind by now and tried persuading my every way he could. It got to the point where he was pleading with me to "not k-ll his child". Well, I decided to go through with it. The next couple weeks or so after, he was extremely distant, muttered under his breath frequently, and would hardly look at me.

I found out from my MIL that he blames me for k-ling our child and he can't forgive me for it. Knowing that this is how he saw me now, I decided to get a divorce. When I told him he immediately erupted, speaking (yelling) the most words at me in a while.

I didn't hear much of it as I promptly left, and haven't spoken to him or been back since as I /m staying with my sister. This whole thing has been a nightmare.

Not long after posting, OP shared a few small updates.

Edit: I was on birth control at the time when i would have gotten pregnant

Edit 2: I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to have so many of you sharing all these kind words. Sometimes words from strangers on the internet can be very consoling. Now, many of you have mentioned that he possibly messed with my BC in some way or form.

I spoke to my MIL (her and I have always been close) and she agreed to help me check by getting him out of the house so I can check his search history to see if he looked up how to do it (thank you to the commenter who suggested this!). I will also be grabbing the pills I left behind as I am sure they are still in the cabinet and will be seeing about getting them checked. I will post an update if I find anything out.

The internet was quick to share their thoughts in response.

Cjs300 wrote:

NTA, but what is it with couples who get together and think they can change the person with their love? Children is a deal breaker, regardless of opinion on the subject.

Kwikdraw55 wrote:

Everyone saying that he must have tampered with the birth control. It isn’t 100% effective. I fell pregnant with my first child on the pill. It happens.

But NTA for getting a divorce. You guys are no longer compatible.

CACCIA_12388 wrote:

“I thought you’d change your mind” as if that’s justifiable to force you into carrying a human being and ultimately change your life forever. You said you never wanted kids from the beginning, he married you knowing that kids wouldn’t be in your future together, you did the decent thing by telling him your plans bc he was your partner, and he showed you who he really was in the end.

And you didn’t k-l a child. He’s the AH for saying you did.

NTA. Sorry you had to go through a difficult decision such as an ab-rtion, only to also realize the person you married wasn’t there for you when you needed him.

OP responded:

Thanks for the support. It is a bit frustrating that he expected me to change MY mind when he clearly wasn't open to changing HIS mind on the matter.

Creepy-Passenger-506 wrote:

NTA and every story like this reminds me of a post where some guy BEGGED his then GF to keep his baby; him and his family paid for everything relating to the baby, and when it was born the GF surrendered her rights and paid 125% of court ordered child support.

She called herself an egg-donor instead of a mom, and the guy was surprised Pikachu face and calling her a bad mom for not changing her mind and raising the baby with him. Being child-free is a hard line for a lot of people, and no amount of time/love/begging will change that position.

The next day, OP shared an update.

Like I mentioned in the last edit, my MIL would be helping me get him out of his house so I can get my pills and check his computer. Well she took him to lunch today and I was able to do just that. I grabbed the pills and then went to check his computer. Conveniently his search history only went back to right after I would have gotten pregnant.

I went back to my sisters place and packaged the pills and sent to the a lab for testing. It was a little after lunch time that I got a call from my MIL. Wouldn't you believe it that he openly admitted to her about tampering with my pills by microwaving them.

Apparently he was feeling pretty guilty about it the more he thought on the matter and just kind of broke down to her. She said she was left speechless and that she raised him better than that. I have already contacted a family lawyer and will be taking legal action.

While tampering with BC is not specifically a crime, it could be considered fraud, r#pe, or ass#ult. Not to mention the fact that i just had to go through an unnecesary ab*rtion becuse of his a-. That's where it stands right now. Thank you all for the support, and to the people repeatedly telling me to unalive myself, I hope you find help.

The internet did not hold back.

SunSpot666 wrote:

NTA - what he did by tampering with your medications is terrible.

He is a sociopath who wanted to baby trap you to ab-se you.

ReginaFelangi987 wrote:

Definitely file whatever charges you can. I would contact authorities and tell them you have proof from a lab of what he did. Those charges will follow him around then. Do ittttt.

Icy-Function-7659 wrote:

F- yeah, I knew something was up. I am so glad you found your answer. Dude deserves his ballsack to be stuck in a toaster.

Harlottehoehansen wrote:

I had no idea microwaving pills did anything to them. How interesting.

Sources: Reddit
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