'AITA for the PDA I showed my boyfriend at my best friend’s engagement party?'
"AITA for the PDA I showed my boyfriend at my best friend’s engagement party?"
This past weekend was my best friend’s engagement party. I had talked to my boyfriend beforehand about PDA—I told him my family is more reserved and that we’d need to be mindful. I said he didn’t need to be nervous, just no kissing and keep it light. The night of, I thought PDA was minimal. I’m now caught between wondering if this is nitpicking or if I really messed up.
We were all sitting on a bench, and there wasn’t any space left. I told my SO (24M) he could sit, and I’d sit on his knee. I turned parallel to him and sat on the end of his leg, not very close, and even then, I was nervous.
I thought it would be understandable given the limited space, but now I feel like an idiot. My best friend called me the next day and said I made everyone uncomfortable and that it put her parents in an awkward position too.
She also told me that later in the night, he came up behind me and touched me in a way that made her, her fiancé, and her mom uncomfortable. We were drinking, but I wasn’t drunk. I would never be okay with something like that, and I don’t think my boyfriend would intentionally do anything inappropriate.
I remember the conversation she referred to, but not him doing anything inappropriate. She described him coming up behind me, rubbing my back/stomach, and touching my chest. I remember him coming up, hugging me, rubbing my stomach briefly, and continuing the conversation.
I was wearing a strapless dress that sometimes needed adjusting, so I’m wondering if he maybe helped adjust it and I just didn’t register it? Or maybe he brushed against me accidentally?
I genuinely don’t remember anything like that, and it’s not something he’d ever want to make people uncomfortable with. Now I feel awful. Sitting on him feels so dumb. I don’t know what I was thinking.
Context: we’re an Indian family, which is why it’s an issue at all. We’re also not a very conservative Indian family- born here, we drink. Bride was dropping it low on the dance floor with family the same night (which was normal) AITA?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
archetyping101 said:
NTA. Let's talk about the weirdest thing in all this: they were more focused on you two than their own engagement party. How weird is that? The fact she had to bring it up tells me she's main character energy.
I wouldn't worry about it. You were already thinking ahead and told your boyfriend before the event how they're like. If anything, I think you already know what they're like so this conversation should not be a surprise to you. They didn't like it and it wouldn't have mattered what you did because apparently all of it was in poor taste in their eyes.
TheDarkHelmet1985 said:
NTA...and these people sound insufferable. Nothing you said or did was disrespectful or inappropriate. Just because they are stuck in 1950s viewpoints about relationships doesn't mean they have any right to demand that of others. Your BF was doing normal BF things. You sitting on his legs is not in any way offensive. Them making a big deal out of such small things tells me they are looking for a fight.
Why on earth do people always have to bow down to these closed minded type people? Why don't you call out their disrespect for thinking they have any right to comment on what you and your bf do in public, especially considering you were doing your best to respect their viewpoints.
I would not want to spend anymore time with these people and would go out of my way to avoid going to the wedding. If I had to go, the last thing I'd want to do is put my partner in the same situation where any move he makes that shows the world that you are in a romantic relationship is wrong in their eyes.
I'd find their positions infuriating, dumb and closed minded. Its not like you were making out during Shindler's List ha.
Glum-System-7422 said:
NTA. I personally would assume any sitting on a lap would be scandalous to my conservative family, but it sounds like you were overall very respectful and they’re bugging out. Touching your stomach and hugging are PG.
MarsicanBear said:
Fun fact: just because somebody else is uncomfortable doesn't mean you did anything wrong. People get uncomfortable all the time for all kids of reasons. NTA.
MarsicanBear said:
Fun fact: just because somebody else is uncomfortable doesn't mean you did anything wrong. People get uncomfortable all the time for all kids of reasons. NTA.
That-Welder-681 said:
NTA. Funny how they can't tolerate seeing this kind of affection, but talking about it behind your back is not a problem? I understand people don't always like to watch a couple, but you are all adults and sitting on someones lap or touching them shouldn't be a problem