'AITA for thinking about paternity testing after my wife joked about our son being my brother's?' UPDATED

"AITA for thinking about getting paternity tests?"

My wife (40 f) and I (39 m) have 3 kids (10 m, 6 f, 3 m). We live near my family, including my brother, Steven, (42 m) and his family. This morning my wife and I were going about our normal morning routine and chatting about our kids.

My wife mentioned that our oldest son (10 m) was acting a little absent minded and doing a poor job planning. My wife said in reference to our (10 m) "he really is Steven's son." My brother is often absent minded and we often comment on how bad of a planner he can be. So I am pretty sure she was making that comparison.

But that comment really cut deep. I told her that I didn't appreciate that comment and she responded that she "doesn't see what my SIL likes about my brother."

I am left with my head spinning. I don't think my wife would cheat. But part of my brain is saying "get paternity tests just to make sure!" AITA for thinking about getting paternity tests for my kids?

The internet had lots to say in response.

adl8377 wrote:

If she actually had slept with your brother, she never would’ve made that comment.

Able_Plum_1161 wrote:

My sister tells me her daughter is my child all the time because we have many things in common. I think you are freaking out over nothing.

wildflower7827 wrote:

Yeah, you're overreacting. She's just comparing your son's traits to his uncle which is genetically possible without him being the actual father of your son.

EmperorSwagg wrote:

The first occasion where I spent time with my girlfriend, her mother, and her aunt, my girlfriend and her aunt were just joking around and riffing off of each other. Her mother turns to me and says “would you believe it, I gave birth to my sister.” It was just a funny little joke about the situation. OP is reading WAY too much into this.

Soft-Question-2847 wrote:

Oh, my dude, if you for real think your wife cheated with your brother a decade ago and passed off his son as your own, your marriage is already over because will a clean paternity test be enough for you? Or will you be suspicious and make it weird at family gatherings?

I suggest getting off the internet and taking a really long look at your life and decide whether you can be okay with burning it down around you and your family over a poorly-made joke. And make no mistake, getting a paternity test is telling your wife you don’t trust her after all your time together. It’s up to you whether you want to destroy your marriage.

worth-painter1377 wrote:

You are overthinking it. I have 3 kids, and my mother always makes comments how my oldest daughter acts just like my brother. Your children can get traits from both sides of the family. If this is the only thing she has ever said, or done to make you question paternity then you are definitely overthinking it.

ixlovetoxkiss wrote:

If you ask her for a paternity test over this, your marriage is over. And if it gets back to your child that you thought he might not be yours, that relationship will take a hit.

A few days later, OP shared an update.

I am overwhelmed by the number of responses. I initially wanted to read all the comments but the sheer number got unsustainable.

There is a weird thing about the internet where people make hard conclusive statements "your marriage is over, she is cheating, go behind her back" etc etc. I would like to encourage everyone to look for love, forgiveness and openness. I appreciate everyone's response that I was overreacting.

I realized I was applying the most brutal unforgiving interpretation of what she said. I then looked at the situation thru the most compassionate lense. Then compared the two and asked myself why I was being so negative. As many of you many of you commented, yes I do have some insecurities l. I also acknowledge that I had some outside stressors (sleep loss and work stress).

Now for the anticlimactic update. I talked to my wife and let her know that the comment was really still bothering me. She expressed her deep regret for making the comment and I shared that my dark intrusive thoughts were being particularly loud. I even shared this post with her. She appreciated the support and was uncomfortable with the declarations that our marriage was over.

I love my wife and we know that we make mistakes. Her clumsy statement and my dark thoughts mixed together for a situation that could undermine our trust. Love is a choice and we choose to forgive each other and move past this situation.

I hope you all find love and happiness!

The internet was invested in the update.

Neenknits wrote:

I saw a post about being an adult, improving communication, and forgiveness online just yesterday. Here is another today! What is the world coming to????? Well done, OP.

grumpy__g wrote:

My second child’s eye colour reminded me of my BIL. I said that exactly. My husband never thought that I cheated on him. Why should he? Our children constantly change. One day they look like him, then they look like me, then they look like one of the grandparents. They constantly change and develop. Now the eyes look like a combination of my husbands and my eyes.

presde34 wrote:

I am glad that you were able to sort this out. Also don't be too bothered by the responses online. We try to give the best possible advice we can based on the information you provide. At the end of the day none of us know who you are or how your family conducts itself.

So in order fill that gap in we try to give advice either based on experiences we have had in our life or what ends up going viral on the Internet. With that said I wish you and your family nothing but peace and prosperity.