'AITA for throwing away a growing up gift my dad's wife gave me?'
AITA for throwing a gift from my dad's wife in the trash before I moved out of their house?
Dry_Butterscotch522 writes:
I (18M) moved out of my dad's house last month, the day I turned 18. I no longer live in the same town; instead, I moved in with three of my friends who are starting college next month, and I'm about to start trade school. I'm working until trade school starts to afford rent and food. The four of us are splitting the cost between us.
I did not take any money from my dad. The day I left, my dad's wife gave me a photo album, saying it was a "growing up" gift. This photo album contained photos from the 7 years since she and my dad got married.
I did not appreciate the gift, nor did I want it, which I told her to her face. She insisted that I take it, saying I should have family photos when I moved out. Before I left, I threw the album in the trash.
To explain why I did this, here's some background. When I was 10, my mom died. She had an allergic reaction while we were out for a celebratory dinner for my dad, and she died on the way to the hospital. My mom was the glue that held us together.
My dad and I were never very close before she died. Six weeks later, my dad had already met his wife, and they boxed up all of my mom's things—clothes, jewelry, photos of her, her phone, keys, anything that was just hers—and took them to the dump. I never got anything, and neither did any of her family.
I was furious, and I will never forgive my dad for what he did. The very next day, he moved that woman in. They were married 4 months later. They had a small but still formal wedding. They dragged me to it and pretended everything was fine and normal. She even gave a speech about being so excited to have a son of her own and all the "adventures we'll have together."
When I was 12, I got copies of a couple of photos of my mom from extended family and put them in my room. My dad's wife found the photos and removed them, saying I didn't need those and that I'd bring everyone down by having them in the house.
I yelled at her, cursed at her, and wished her dead and erased. My dad yelled at me for disrespecting his wife. I told him that day that I wished he had died instead of my mom. He told me he wished he'd let my grandparents take me after the fight they had about my mom's stuff being taken to the dump. I told him I wished he had.
The 7 years of living with the two of them were hell. I'm so glad I'm gone. I have no respect for either of them, and I don't care that my dad lost someone too. He threw her away, not just from him, but from me as well.
After I settled into my apartment, my dad suddenly remembered my number for the first time in three years and called me out for upsetting and disrespecting his wife by throwing her gift away. He told me she did it out of love. I ignored it.
She sent me a text on my dad's phone, telling me I should be surrounded by happy family memories, which was why she made the album. I sent a photo of my room, which has photos of my mom—ones I got copies of.
That was the only reply I made. But I got several more texts, some from an unknown number after I blocked my dad, saying I was acting spitefully. AITA?
OP responded to some comments:
NapalmAxolotl says:
NTA. Your response was appropriate. And this is definitely the winning post for "Most Suspicious Circumstances."
OP responded:
I used to suspect the same thing. But I think he just went crazy trying to forget mom that the first woman willing he threw himself at and married. Looking back how little they knew each other showed at their wedding.
NapalmAxolotl responded:
Well, thatʻs something. But not your problem anymore! Some well-intentioned fools who have only spent time in genuinely happy families will try to get you to make up. Donʻt listen to them. In a few years - years, not months - you might decide you want to try to reconcile.
Or you might never. Either way is fine, do what feels right and donʻt listen to anyoneʻs opinion- except the therapists you should definitely see when you can afford it later.
OP responded:
Thanks. I have noticed people even in my real life who were shocked by the level of distain I had for my dad and his wife and the fact I refuse to call her family. They'd try telling me how important family is but they just can't understand it. I also heard a lot of "you'll regret this when he's gone."
xXHis_OnlyXx
NTA your dad and his wife are deadbeats and should have never thrown away things that were rightfully yours.
OP responded:
Dad said to me they were his things by default because he was mom's husband and therefore he could do what he liked with it. It's true too, as sick as that is. My grandparents would have sued his a^%s so hard if they could.
What do you think?