'AITA for throwing my roommate under the bus to her aunt? We are living in her aunt's house.'
"AITA for throwing my roommate under the bus to her aunt?"
I (22F) live with my best friend, who I’ll call, “Sarah,” (24F) and her aunt. A little over a year ago, we moved states and into Sarah’s aunt’s house. She graciously offered to let us live in her house RENT FREE while we get on our feet and figure out where to move next.
Simply, on the condition that we keep her house clean and complete weekly chores and respect her house. Ever since moving in, I’ve slowly discovered the astonishing entitlement of my best friend.
Her lack of consideration for others, lack of cleanliness, and just utter laziness is mind boggling. She doesn’t believe she should have to lift a finger to keep the house clean and I have no idea why. I will spend hours vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the kitchen, feeding the cats and cleaning their bowls (none of the cats belong to me,) etc.
This keeps her aunt happy. However, when I am away for a couple days, or working long hours and not home, the weekly tasks do not get done, resulting in a tongue lashing from my Sarah’s aunt at both of us. I have bit my tongue for now a year, not throwing my friend under the bus and taking equal blame for the filthy state of the house.
(The mess is almost entirely created by Sarah.) This week, I haven’t been home because I’ve been dog sitting. Instead of taking initiative to do the weekly chores, sarah of course spent the week on the couch, leaving trash on the table and sofa for me to clean up. Except I didn’t get to it in time, her aunt saw that the floors weren’t vacuumed, the kitchen a mess, and the living room trashed.
So again, we were called down for a house meeting. Amid being berated, I freaked the f#$k out. I let it all loose, went on about how unfair it is that I have to clean the entire house with no help from Sarah, then watch it all get undone within the span of a day BY Sarah, and then get the same berating as Sarah.
Now of course, she is mad at me and giving me the silent treatment. But I’m done. I’ve begged her before to help me clean, but I shouldn’t have to, she’s a grown adult and the fact that I have to nag her to complete her share of the tasks is ridiculous enough.
The internet has a lot to say in response.
wesmorgan1 wrote:
INFO: How did the aunt respond to this?
OP responded:
It seemed to be obvious to her how my friend clearly does very little to help, but she didn’t realize the severity of it. She apologized to me and threatened to kick my friend out.
wesmorgan1 responded:
That's good to hear. Sarah may cool off once she realizes how much rent costs are these days; let it ride for a bit. You might consider a chore chart (with chores alternating weekly between you) just to remove any need to talk about it again and again...
SVAuspicious wrote:
NTA.
I see a future in which you and your "friend's" aunt live very happily together and your "friend" gets kicked to the curb.
OP responded:
Love this comment.
StyraxCarillion wrote:
NTA. How did the aunt not notice you weren't home for a week, and why would she hold you responsible? Didn't she see the mess getting worse every day when you weren't there? Next time please don't wait an entire year to talk to your landlord about a situation like this. You didn't do your best friend any favors by enabling her to be lazy and entitled.
MolassesInevitable53 wrote:
If the aunt is living in the same house as you both, how was she not aware that you hadn't been there all week?
It doesn't make sense.
OP responded:
She’s often never home either, always at work or traveling for work. It’s just her expectation that by the time she is home, the house will be clean and orderly, regardless of who did the cleaning. She knew I was dog sitting, but doesn’t accept excuses in regards to the houses cleanliness.
MolassesInevitable53 responded:
But surely she realises that if you were away you didn't make the mess.
OP responded:
Exactly. I think she did realize that after I snapped and did apologize.
ApprehensiveBook4214 wrote:
YTA to yourself. Living rent free is contingent on keeping the house clean. You allowed the aunt to think you're equally responsible for it being a mess. Thereby jeopardizing your free rent.
You also denied the aunt important information about one of her tenants. You should have said something the first time. NTA for finally speaking up. Sarah isn't your friend. A friend wouldn't treat you like this and jeopardize your living situation.
Deep-Okra1461 wrote:
NTA "and I have no idea why. I will spend hours..." she's lazy because you spend hours doing the work, that's why. Living with a close friend or relative is not always better than living with someone who is just a roommate. She might assume that since you're her friend, she can take advantage of you.
And like a dummy, for awhile you've let her do exactly that. You even took partial blame for her messes. Treat all roommates equally. You don't do their work and you don't pay their costs. You don't take the blame for problems they cause, no matter who they are.
Existing-Blueberry64 wrote:
NTA. Sarah is irresponsible and need to grow the fuck up she is older (only by 2 years) but still leaves all the chores to you I say stop being her friends until she gets her fucking act together.
She needs to learn that other people aren't her maids and should at least clean up the mess she makes if she doesn't want to clean the other messes you or her aunt made but you said she makes most of the messes so she would be cleaning over half the s#$t.
I think she needs to live in her own for a while to learn to clean for herself. Hope my feedback helps. Much love hope everything straightens out perfectly!