'AITA for treating my shorter friend differently?' 'We haven't talked since.'
"AITA for treating my shorter friend differently..."
I (24F) am relatively tall for a girl (5'11 or 181 cm). Personally, I love it, and I feel confident about it. However, some guys feel insecure when they are around taller girls, including my (21M) friend who I met a few months ago.
I've noticed since the first time we met that he was constantly looking at the top of my head like he was trying to compare our height, and he was making excuses to stop a lot just to straighten his back and correct his posture. I believe he did this to appear taller next to me. He didn't feel confident at all.
The problem is he's like 5'10 (Never asked him because I suspected he wouldn't be comfortable answering based on his previous behavior), so he is not even short, and even if he was, there is literally nothing wrong with it. Plus, I couldn't even tell that I'm taller until we took a picture.
You're not less masculine when you're walking with a taller girl. You don't have to view it as a competition. I'm not trying to intimidate you. I really don't get why some guys think height is the most important thing.
I'm more of a "people pleaser," so I usually compromise my own comfort to make people feel better. With that being said, the second time we went out together, I started to slouch when standing next to him to make myself voluntarily shorter relative to him. Surprisingly, this made a big change in his behavior. He started to laugh a lot more, his humor was a lot better, and he was overall more confident.
Unfortunately, after a while, he noticed while we were walking that I was making my posture intentionally bad. He then told me, "Are you making fun of my height?" I didn't want to tell him the truth because I didn't want him to think that I was going out with him out of pity, and that I didn't view him as a real friend, which is not true.
It's exactly the opposite actually. His personality was great, and he was fun to be around, so I responded, "No, why do you think that?" He then said, "I think it's quite clear, you're trying to show that even when you're slouching, you're still taller and superior." I have no idea why he jumped to that conclusion.
I kind of feel bad. Maybe I'm the A**hole. I shouldn't have done something that could be interpreted as mocking. Maybe he didn't even care, and I was imagining things because surely 1-inch difference can't cause this much of a problem.
I felt awkward and made an excuse to leave. We haven't texted or talked since then (1 week ago). I'm planning to make it up to him, but I don't know how. Any advice? And AITA?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
SeveredSandwich said:
NTA. You’ve nothing to apologize for. He jumped to conclusions based on his own insecurities. I don’t know why he is so triggered over a 1 inch height difference.
Difficult_Ad1474 said:
Yta. To yourself. Never slouch for anyone.
Proud-Geek1019 said:
NTA. He’s the one with a chip on his shoulder and is insecure. You were not mocking him, you were trying to make his feel relaxed around you. This is 100% a him problem. You have nothing to make up to him about. Don’t waste your time on someone who wants you to feel small.
Altruistic_Isopod_11 said:
NTA - stop slouching! His insecurities are not yours to fix, those are his issues and you shouldn't make them yours. Also, if your friendship is so focused on trying to make him happy and he's still being that jerky and insecure, just stop. You're going to end up with back problems from not just slouching but also from carrying his insecurities.
JK00317 said:
NTA. I'm a 5'10" guy. I don't feel short. Nor do I think tall girls somehow have it out for me when they're taller than me. This whole 6" dating app nonsense has created some seriously insecure guys.
Pale_Vermicelli3591 said:
NTA. He is insecure about something neither of you can change, and even when you tried to make him more comfortable, he accused you of mocking him even more. And the phrasing "you're trying to show you're still taller and superior" is super weird...
Like, I get insecurities, but saying someone is *superior* is very self-loathing. I'm of the opinion, if you have an insecurity, have it or work on it, but don't make it other people's problem. However, slouching was never going to be a sustainable solution for this. Don't ruin your posture for this guy.
StripedCat404 said:
NTA. You shouldn't change yourself to suit someone else, even a friend. But, I do think you should have had a normal conversation when you first noticed his discomfort. No, it's not your job to manage his insecurities, but being an adult (communication) is important given your ages. Nothing about your post sounds like you have superiority complex, either. He's projecting.