'AITA for uninviting my adoptive brothers from my wedding?' 'They said they don’t see me as family.'

"AITA for uninviting my adoptive brothers from my wedding after they said they don’t see me as family?"

I’m a 32-year-old man, and I’m getting married to my long-time girlfriend soon. What should be one of the happiest moments of my life has turned into a heartbreaking ordeal because of a deepening rift in my family.

To give you some background: I’m my parents’ biological son, and when I was 12, they adopted two boys who were biological siblings—Jack, who was 8, and Liam, who was 5. From the very beginning, it was clear that things were going to be tough.

Jack came with severe behavioral issues due to some intense trauma (I’ll spare the details, but it was significant). I tried my hardest to be understanding, but living with him was nothing short of exhausting. His outbursts were constant, and I often felt like I was walking on eggshells, terrified of setting him off.

As we grew older, I continued to try to be there for Jack, despite everything. A few years ago, Jack fell into a devastating drug addiction. I stood by him through his darkest moments, supporting him through rehab, and doing everything I could to help him get back on his feet.

It was draining and heartbreaking, but I did it because I loved him and believed that, despite our challenges, we were still brothers. Liam, on the other hand, was always easier to get along with, and I formed a closer bond with him. But even so, I always felt like an outsider.

Jack and Liam’s bond as biological siblings was undeniable, and I never quite felt like I was truly a part of it. It was like I was always on the edge, looking in, trying to be included but never fully accepted.

The situation came to a head recently at a Sunday dinner at my parents’ house. My son was working on his summer homework, which involved creating a family tree. He innocently asked Jack if he wanted to be included, and Jack just flat-out said no.

He didn’t want to be part of it because, in his exact words, “We’re not real brothers.” He said it so casually, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, with no regard for how much it would cut me to the core.

I was utterly stunned, but what shattered me even more was that Liam, who I’ve always felt closer to, just sat there in silence. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t defend me or even acknowledge how hurtful Jack’s words were.

He just let it happen. I’ve tried so hard to be supportive of both of them, especially Jack, despite the endless challenges. So, for Jack to say that, and for Liam to do nothing, felt like a gut punch. It was as if they were both telling me, in no uncertain terms, that I was never truly part of their family.

In my pain and frustration, I decided to uninvite both Jack and Liam from my wedding. My fiancée has been nothing but supportive of my decision, but my parents are furious.

They’ve made it clear that if Jack and Liam aren’t invited, they won’t attend either. It feels like history is repeating itself, with my parents once again prioritising Jack over me, no matter how much it hurts me. I’m absolutely heartbroken that my parents would choose to miss my wedding rather than support me in this.

I know Jack has been through a lot, but I’ve done everything I can to be there for him and for Liam, despite all the heartache. And now, I feel like I’m the one being punished for finally standing up for myself and setting some boundaries. AITA for uninviting my brothers after they said they don’t see me as family, even if it means my parents won’t come to my wedding?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Wrong_Moose_9763 said:

Jack is being an ahole, your parents are following suit. Just tell them you are having an ahole free wedding because you are only inviting people who care about YOU AND YOUR FIANCE, NTA.

Lovely_anastacia said:

NTA. You are absolutely not the asshole here. Your brothers' actions, especially Jack's blatant disregard for your feelings, were incredibly hurtful. You have the right to set boundaries and decide who you want at your wedding, especially when those people don't consider you family.

Alarming_Oil_6226 said:

NTA. You need to tell your parents what you’ve said here, spare no detail. And if they still decided Jack is more important than you, they can stay home too.

Novakeepskeys said:

NTA. Of course you only want family and friends there to celebrate your joy. If Jack (or Liam) doesn’t identify as either of those things, then why would he be invited? Congratulations on the wedding. Hope you have a fantastic time without all that baggage.

Level_Assumption_683 said:

NTA. Start a new supportive family with your fiancée.

Big_lt said:

NTA. However, tell your parents if they choose Jack/Liam in this instance you will be going NC forever. Inform them as a child you were pushed aside and now as an adult they're doing it again for what Jack claimed.

Liam may be talked to but f Jack. Inform them they will lose access not only to you, but their future DIL as well as grandchildren. It's their call.

deathboyuk said:

NTA. Make sure you cut the old f'ers out of grandchildren contact, too. They can exile themselves entirely and regret it for the rest of their lives.

RevolutionaryDot3432 said:

NTA. Tell them you’re sorry they’ll miss this important moment in your life but you won’t have people who don’t like you attend. Might be time to hit LC or NC with your parents. Your life will be a lot less toxic.