'AITA for using money for my family's Christmas presents on a trip for myself instead?'
"AITA for using money for my family's Christmas presents on a trip for myself instead?"
I am a single guy with a pretty decent job. I hope to have a family some day but for right now I'm just dating and saving money. For the last few years I've been using my Christmas bonus to buy my parents, siblings, and siblings cool Christmas gifts.
I am lucky enough to be earning much more than I need and I have an excellent nest egg going for when I'm ready. My parents and my siblings aren't there. My folks were immigrants and while they own their home and, as far as I know, are debt free, they do not have a huge retirement account. My older brother and sister each decided independently to start their families while they were quite young in my opinion.
So anyway like I said I have been blowing my bonus on all of them for the last while. I paid for my parents to visit their home country. I bought both of my siblings families a PS5 when they were hard to get. My nephew started university this fall. I got him a new laptop last Christmas as a graduation/Christmas present.
I do not resent spending this money. I love my family. And I do not expect them to reciprocate, I already buy myself whatever I want. However I noticed something this year. It was my thirtieth birthday and none of them did anything for me.
So I asked my girlfriend of she wanted to go to Asia for New Years. She is a student so I am paying for everything. We are seeing our families for Christmas and leaving on Boxing Day.
I got to my parents yesterday afternoon and put my gifts for everyone under the tree. I got everyone a $50 gift card for the movies. There are twelve of them so that's still $600.
My SIL decided to sneak a peak at her gift. She thought I was snubbing her so she told everyone that I got her a sh$t gift. Huge fight. I just left and went back to my hotel. Calls and texts nonstop.
I was being greedy, immature, callous, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I just blocked them. I can spend the next few days as a tourist in my home town and then leave. I told my girlfriend what happened with my family and she has my back.
I think they are acting entitled and taking me for granted. I don't think that they are aholes but I don't think I am either.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Asleep-Tank3228 said:
NTA they have some nerve calling you greedy when that’s exactly what they are. They are absolutely taking you for granted. They didn’t have to spend money on you but to not arrange a nice birthday dinner at someone’s home or SOMETHING when you do so much for them is bonkers disrespectful and entitled.
If you hope to salvage some relationship with them I do think you should tell them exactly why you don’t feel it’s appropriate to get them huge presents anymore. For one thing it’s not your job to do that.
It’s nice of you that you do but it’s not something I think is appropriate. It does lead to expectations that you’ll have to break when you have a family of your own anyways.
You should tell them you were disappointed when they didn’t even come over on your bday. That it’s not about money but you feel like your just a money bag to your family and you don’t want to just be that to them so you’ve decided to change the dynamic and from now on you’ll still give gifts but more reasonable, normal sized gifts.
You want to be someone important to them and not just a check. If that doesn’t go well go NC for a while. You don’t need people in your life that just view you as a source of money.
Present_Pollution_25 said:
NTA - it was been incredibly generous of you to give as you have in the past. Unfortunately it may have led to an entitlement mindset amongst your family. However you are not obligated to give as you have and I can appreciate that it must’ve been disappointing to have a milestone birthday go unnoticed. Nobody should be taken for granted or advantage of.
The response to this years gift certainly shows a level of entitlement. While I’m sure the disappointed was granted based on how generous you were in past years, the response clear displays the entitlement mindset of your family with no appreciation whatsoever. Enjoy your trip! I hope that your family comes around.
sjwild2003 said:
NTA - what a horrible response! They ARE being AHs & you have a right to reproach them & ask them why they would treat you like that if they actually love you. That is NOT how family should treat each other. I would skip your family festivities this year & let them know you expect an apology from them. Enjoy your overseas holiday!
TracklessTinder said:
NTA. This is always going to be the problem with some people: you give them terrific gifts and then they expect it as their due. You are young and should be able to use your money for your enjoyment. Next year, 25$ gift certificates for anyone who complained. Maybe hand-make a gift for SIL.
Mundane-Ad-4010 said:
NTA you still got them something and they're still complaining. It's your money to do what you want with. Sounds like they've got used to you being so generous and are taking it for granted.