'AITA for walking out of my 5yo niece's birthday party and taking her present with me?'
"AITA for walking out of my 5yo niece's birthday party and taking her present with me?"
I 24 female, my niece 5 female, and my sister-in-law Megan 25 female Yesterday was my niece's birthday, my niece is my sister-in-law's first born, and my sister in law in currently Pregnant with her fourth child.
When I received the invention to the party there was a note asking everyone to not forget about the mommy when shopping for birthday gifts. That my niece's birthday was also meant to celebrate the woman who carried her for nine months.
I will be honest I’m not Megan's biggest fan, I’ve always found her to be a large drama queen. So when I read that I was supposed to bring her a present to her daughter's birthday party I was annoyed and knew I would be doing no such thing.
For my niece's birthday, I made her a large wool hand-crocheted blanket and matching teddy bear. When it came time to open gifts it was Megan sitting on a chair in the center of the living room with my nieces sitting on the floor next to her. Megan opened every single present even the ones meant for my niece. It was only after she was done she would hand the open present to my niece.
When it came time to open my present I watch as Megan open my gift, shuffled past the teddy bear and blanket, and proceeded to search for “her gift”. When Megan found no other present she looked up and asked me if there was another present from me in the pile, I responded “No”.
Disappointed Megan took the blanket out of the box and proceeded to ask me questions like “where did you get such a cute blanket” and “I hope you didn’t break the bank with such an extravagant present”. Her tone of voice came across as sincere but the way she stared at me across the room definitely gave me a different impression.
I responded to her questions by saying that I made the teddy bear and blanket myself and that it was no trouble for my little niece. Megan chuckles and asks me in front of the whole party if I had actually made the gifts, I responded absolutely. Megan and I go back and forth in front of everyone for a minute but Megan ends the conversation by saying I didn’t actually make the gifts
because I didn’t collect the wool for the blanket or make the buttons on the bear myself. That for something to be handmade you have to use only your hands from start to fish otherwise it doesn’t count. After my MIL pulled me aside, she was extremely upset with me for antagonizing Megan.
No one in the family likes Megan but my in-laws play nice because when they didn’t Megan and her husband moved halfway across the country, they just recently moved back to town. After my MIL thoroughly lectured me on “keeping the peace” she asked me to leave the party, go buy Megan a present, and to come back when I am ready with an apology.
Instead, I left the party and took my presents with me. All-day today I have been playing telephone with friends and relatives of Megan. All of them accusing me of ruining my niece's birthday party and telling me I’m an AH for stealing my niece's birthday presents.
Edit: My intentions for taking the present was to rewrap the gift and give it to my niece one on one so she could actually open a birthday present. After her mom opened the present she put it back in the box and back on the table she didn’t actually give the gift to my niece.
This is what top commenters had to say:
So your sister in law threw a party for herself on your niece's birthday and got mad when you only brought a present for your niece? I'd go no contact with her. This woman may have had a baby but she clearly is no adult. NTA
Megan sounds like a 25 year old spoiled child. To the point that she seems delusional. I've never heard of a parent expecting presents on their child's birthday. NTA. Megan needs professional help.
I mean if she’s getting technical then doesn’t her husband also deserve a gift since he’s the reason she’s pregnant to begin with?
Bearwear671 OP responded:
I guess we should also get the doctor a present as well I mean she did deliver the baby into the world
NTA. It's really strange that an adult woman would try and make her daughter's birthday about herself. That's what her own birthday is for!!
"After my MIL pulled me aside, she was extremely upset with me for antagonizing Megan."
Um let's talk about who antagonized who here: I didn’t actually make the gifts because I didn’t collect the wool for the blanket or make the buttons on the bear myself. That for something to be handmade you have to use only your hands from start to fish otherwise it doesn’t count.
This is wild. You made a thoughtful gift for the person who was actually celebrating a birthday and you got bullied for it. You're not in the wrong at all.
Bearwear671 OP responded:
Both my in-laws are always trying to “keep the peace” but what that actually means is everyone bending over backwards for Megan. During Christmas we have to be very conscious about how many presents we give Megan because if anyone gets more presents than her she will throw a legitimate tantrum.
This woman sounds awful!
Get her a a collection of something small, each one wrapped separately. Then she can’t complain. She got fewer presents than anyone else. Yes, this is malicious compliance.
Bearwear671 OP responded:
That’s exactly what I do. Last year my father-in-law got me a really nice Christmas present and he waited till after my sister-in-law left to give it to me, because he knew she would have a meltdown.
OP, please please read this. It explains your situation (one that I found myself in with my inlaws) PERFECTLY. And well enough that I ACTUALLY got some people on the "boat rockers" side to agree and change their behaviors around the boat rocker. Again, please please please read it, I really think it will help you out.
Bearwear671 OP responded:
Wow… that is some really great writing.
Oh, jeeze. I am so sorry. Has BiL considered a vasectomy?
Bearwear671 OP responded:
It’s been mentioned once or twice…
NTA. She got pregnant in 3 weeks? Is the 5 year old his? What does BIL think of all this? Does he stick up for his kids? Or baby SIL too?
Bearwear671 OP responded:
Unfortunately my niece is definitely his, she looks just like him and has my father-in-law‘s eyes. In the beginning he would stick up for the kids but now he’s just kind of a shell of himself. We all hoped they would divorce but after the third kid we lost Hope.